Mistress160's Abode: March 2011

Mistress160 · at 1:50 PM

View from Mt Tamborine,

where we did the high tea and munch thing this week
Photo: courtesy Gold Coast Things To Do

Several of my favorite kinky bloggers were discussing meetings with other kinksters in their posts this week.

Some were writing specifically about attending munches ... and not everyone had a good time. Here's morningstar (and I've quoted quite a lot of her post because she's raised an important issue here):

"Warren and I planned to go to a munch last evening ... for those of you unclear on the term munch - it is a get together of like minded people. So in this case an event was listed on Fetlife announcing the time and place, and anyone interested can attend.

"As the munches today seem to involve drinking and no food....... Warren and I ... had a delightful dinner ... then off to the munch. It was listed as starting at 7 - we arrived at 7:15 (a tad early but still) and the organisers weren't even there!

"The evening for the most part went downhill from there. At one point I honestly felt I was back in high school with the "in crowd" and the clicks. I was mingling ... and noticed a young chap standing by himself at the bar just staring off into space.

"I went over a started a conversation with him ... Warren soon joined me ... and the three us enjoyed an hour's long conversation about the lifestyle .. and life in general. It turns out he was really new to the lifestyle - only joining Fetlife a week ago. He told us that he had given it an hour and if things hadn't improved he was gonna slip out and (in my opinion) brand the lifestyle folks as snobbish and unwelcoming.

"It made me question why hold a munch if you aren't going to play host and at least make sure folks are introduced to one or two other folks. Why was it this young chap managed to get in... be there for close to an hour and didn't even know who the host was??!!! Honestly I find that shameful"

So do I. So much for munches being a welcoming environment to get to know like minded people. From the responses morningstar received it appeared lousy munch experiences are common. t from The Heron Clan responded:

"Every couple of years we venture out to a "Munch". Around here, they are usually in a restaurant so we DO get to feed ourselves and then we spend the time eating and bashing ourselves over the head. Why in the hell do we do this? We are disappointed EVERY time. Usually it is a "clicky" sort of event with very few people engaging the new people. And not that we would want to be engaged, btw. I label most of the "munchers" as "Critters". A Critter is someone who I just do not have a thing in common with and who has difficulty having a conversation with anyone but a fellow Critter. Then we swear we will NOT do that ever again...and a couple of years go by....you see where I am heading."

By now I was seriously grinning. "Critters" is such a great description. I also understood the final point t made:

"I think of Munches as gatherings. And when I have a gathering in my home, and invite like-minded people, I feel it is my place to make all feel welcome. That is never the way these things go and I have no idea why I subject myself to them occasionally ... but I do"

Luckily viemoira was at least able to provide one positive response:

"I'm so glad the munches we attend are not like that. We are lucky to have a great local group..."

Yay! But seriously, think about all this for a moment.

We promote munches to new kinksters as a great way to enter the scene, as a great first event. And your first event - that first contact with like minds- is extremely important. It impacts on how you view your local scene, so a bad first experience like this young chap's may not have been the most positive beginning. I'm not surprised that "he told [morningstar] that he had given it an hour and if things hadn't improved he was gonna slip out and (in my opinion) brand the lifestyle folks as snobbish and unwelcoming". Thank God morningstar and Sir Warren - another couple of attendees who appear to have been ignored by the actual organizers! - were there to transform that event into a better experience for him.

Attending that first event takes enormous courage. I remember Ms160sSecretPet writing about attending one of my munches a few years back, which was her first event:

"As I stared at the screen, reading the email over and over I realised that this was my chance to actually take the step, to attend a safe, no pressure, real life "kink" event. So, I replied to the invitation saying "Ok, I will be there".

"Having spent the past four years hiding behind the security of my computer screen, seeing the email invitation in my inbox was daunting. I looked at the invitation from Mistress 160 to join a local "kink" community group at a real life get together on the following day. I had received invitations to events in the past, but always had a reason not to go. I kept reading "just a lunch . . . a get together . . . Vanilla environment . . . casual clothes . . . .

"Driving to the destination my nerves increased. I think I stopped breathing when I first entered town and headed in the direction of the cafe we were meeting at. "What am I doing? What is this munch going to involve? What if I dont fit in? What? Why? OMG!" . . . . All these thoughts were running through my head

"I pulled up at the location - crossed the road - and walked through the cafe to the area at which we were meeting. I must admit although I wasnt sure what to expect, I dont really think I was expecting to see "normal" people. Please excuse my ignorance, but I have been fighting my own demons regarding my kinks for the past 4 years (that is when I first acknowledged them) and really thought I may have been the only one in real life, who had such thoughts/desires"

Rereading that email reminded me of the courage it took my friend to attend. But I wonder whether Ms160sSecretPet's experience would have been as positive if she'd attended a really large event in a pub. I don't know the numbers of attendees at the munch morningstar describes, but I do remember my friend tntnikki talking about the first munch she held in Soho, London - she expected about a dozen people and ended up with over seventy!

I tend to keep numbers small at my own events, something I mentioned in my response to morningstar, but for some people even ten other attendees is too much. Which brings us to another way of meeting other kinksters - one on one, or at most two couples meeting.

Recently two D/s blogs that sol and I enjoy - Serving B (which began in January last year) and Her Majestys Plaything (which has been online since October 2008) - posted about meeting up with another. You'll find the two posts I'm talking about here and here.

There's something very special about those posts, and about the connections being made. As HMP said in a comment on SB's post:

"Her Majesty ... is extremely reserved when it comes to talking about our private lives. As you know she rarely participates in blogging and has never agreed to come out with me to meet any kinky folk before yesterday's brunch with you and B. It was a first for us; a milestone. We had never gone out in the scene before as a couple. It meant a lot to me to include my wife in the social aspect of all this. I had gone alone to a few scene functions before (with Her Majesty's permission) but it's not the same"

The points being made here about first contacts are very important. HMP continues:

"First impressions are very important and a bad introduction to the scene for my already reluctant wife would have been disastrous! You and B were the perfect people for Her Majesty to meet! She was instantly at ease with you both and we had such a wonderful time. Thanks so much for giving us the opportunity. We are looking forward to seeing you both again! :-)"

I was thinking about the various ways kinksters make that first contact as sol and I drove to Mt Tamborine last weekend. Here's a map of South East Queensland for you foreign folk out there:

Last Sunday was not only Fetlife's Northern NSW group munch day, it was High Tea Day. Which made for an extremely decadent day spent amongst kinky friends.

Every now and then I organize a high tea with dominant / BDSM friends at a very popular tea shop in Mount Tamborine. I had been wanting some one on one time with tntnikki and her girlfriend tom-kitten from the South East Queensland scene, and we'd arranged to meet there last Sunday. Long term readers of my blog might recall tntnikki first appeared a couple of years back, when I posted about a Brisbane party where I was DMing, where Nik conducted a blood cupping scene. I always enjoy watching her play.

The last member of the high tea party was a young Domme I'm mentoring at the moment, DommeInBlack. This post is her first appearance in this blog :)

Formal high tea rooms are such strange vanilla environments. But the tea, the food etc was all divine. I didn't take the camera this time, but here's a photo from one time I did:

We had a good time ... although I think our conversation might have burned the ears of the table next door *grin*.

Afterwards we headed down to a nearby park to meet up with Fetlife Northern NSW group members for a munch. When I'd organized the munch we had possibly three dogs coming, so I'd chosen a park with a large, enclosed off leash area which included a picnic table. We claimed this and let the Xmas Present off her lead for a few hours.

The weather was totally bizarre, up on top of our mountain. It was windy and chilly and almost rainy one minute, sunny and sunburn weather the next. Some of us had picnic baskets that we never unpacked, because we thought any second we'd be racing for our cars. So we sat around in camping chairs and around my father's old picnic blanket (which the XP claimed) and every now and then some wildlife would perch nearby or fly by.

Over the next few hours there was much laughter. Scene issues were discussed - issues like duty of care - so there was a serious side. But that group always laughs a lot. I found myself wanting to reach across the planet and deposit morningstar and warren, and t and the other Herons, within our midst.

So what's different? Why does this munch group "work" in ways that others (I'm thinking of my overseas friends here) haven't? I don't think I'm doing anything special, I think I've just been lucky to find a nice group of people, who knows?

Perhaps it's because we keep the number of munch attendees low, with no more than four new attendees each month. While the Fetlife group is now over 200 members, I guess the active core of group munch attendees remains around about forty. Some we see once a year. Some twice a year. Some meet me for coffee but don't attend the munch. Some are there at the munch every month. But whatever the mix that comes together each month, the group always has a relaxed, good feel to it.

Perhaps it's because we screen. Jay Wiseman wrote a few years back that:

"Munches are not highly screened. Munches are often publicly advertised and are generally open to all attendees who can observe a few basic rules of social conduct. What this means is that very little can be certain about a person's level of knowledge, experience, or trustworthiness from the mere fact that they are at a munch. While most attendees are fine in this regard, every now and then someone attends that you most definitely do not want to find yourself alone with - particularly if you're tied up!"

However it is becoming more common to screen munches, as munch groups deal with attendees' concerns about local predators and non kinksters. We brought in BDSM screening a couple of years back for exactly this reason. I've had other BDSM event organizers who screen tell me that the few people who make a fuss about their screening process are exactly the people they want to keep out, and I have to agree I've found the same.

The best person to read about BDSM screening is Sensuous Sadie, and we provide a link to her article to everyone who wants to attend our events. She begins:

"Unlike our image of being perverted sickos, most everyone I've met in the BDSM scene has been pretty darn nice. Most of us are normal people, with everyday lives and typical jobs. And most of us are reasonably well balanced in our personal lives"

"Unfortunately there are a few bad apples out there who can create havoc in your BDSM group - whether it be just a small munch, a social group, or a large organizations"

"When people tell me about their fears, it's usually about guests who might "out" us to our community, embarrass us at our job, or maybe even be an ax murderer. But in fact, the "problem" guests we've had have been none of these things. One guest we had problems with was a male Dom who was intimidating a novice female sub, telling her that she had to do "everything" he said or she wasn't "submissive." (oldest line in the book eh?). One Domme wrote me inappropriate e-mails with veiled threats. Yet another Dom had zero social skills, and insulted and annoyed just about every guest at the party. And there have been a large number of guests who are needy victim types, and bring the chaos of their personal lives into our group.

"While screening cannot prevent all these kinds of problem people, it can go a long way toward minimizing the number of problems you're likely to have. The very fact that you are screening guests prevents most of the looky-loos, liars, and wannabes from joining the group..."

Exactly. I tend to agree with the Fredericton BDSM group, who's joining procedure page states:

"It really is not that hard to join, we just have to weed out the people that are there to really hurt people and to protect the already active members in the group"

What this means in practical terms for new people is they may not be able to attend our events as quickly as they want to, but once they have been screened they can be very comfortable about the fact that they will be welcomed by genuine kinksters at the group's events. And that's a very important point when people are attending their very first event.

We try to counter any confusion caused by the screening system by offering an in group welcomer / greeter program. While this has now been picked up by several Fetlife regional groups, I can't take credit - I swiped it entirely from the greeters program of the Uncommon Bonds website after spending some time with group members in Christchurch, New Zealand. This has been working well, encouraging new members to actually take that final last step and attend an event.

We often have several new people wanting to attend each month. As I wrote to morningstar, we always "allow for the fact that at least half the first timers won't show ... but will next month". And it does often work like that ... that there is often this need to retreat briefly again before the final plunge.

With this latest munch we were expecting four new people. Two were no shows. Of the two new people who DID come, one had scene experience and was using the munch as a first step back into the scene after several years away, so in a way their case was different (but very common. A lot of people do take a break from the scene, but that's a story for another post). The other canceled last month and finally made it this time :). I hope that person won't mind my quoting a little of the private correspondence they sent me later:

"I had an absolutely wonderful time ... A total breeze of fresh air to finally sit down, relax ... in such a comfortable setting ... and enjoy relaxed, open minded conversation"

Their words echo Ms160sSecretPet's:

"I was ... very proud of myself that I have taken the step to reach out and meet so many like minded people, right here in my own community ... It was nice to know that there are REAL people in this world, and some even close to home, that are there to talk with and act as a support to me"

It seems that good munch groups - when they work, LOL - can provide that support and advice, or lead to individual friendships that also provide these qualities. As can the friendships that form when like minds meet one on one, or when D/s couples meet. Here's Serving B again:

"I really don't know how large our lifestyle social circle will become. Right now, I am enjoying the quality of the people B and I have met...

"The couples we have met are really upstanding folk who have hobbies, careers, families, and very interesting lives outside of D/s. We have our share of vanilla friends who we enjoy socializing with as well. But there is something very special sitting down to a meal with people who understand what this is all about. It's reassuring, too. Her Majesty said as much during our brunch when she talked about how loving and attentive her husband is. "It's a very special kind of relationship!"

"Indeed it is, and it is really great getting together with such fine folk who understand it"

And that - I thought as we drove home from Mt Tamborine - is the crux of the whole kinky first contact thing, really, isn't it? Being together with "fine folk who understand it".

Finally.. :)

REFERENCES + ONLINE RESOURCES:

BLOG FRIENDS I'VE QUOTED:
Her Majesty's Plaything Kinky Brunch with B and SB
Morningstar - Munches
Serving B Socializing

NEVER ATTENDED A MUNCH BUT WANT TO?

READ FIRST:
Jay Wiseman's A Beginner's Guide to BDSM Munches

THEN:
House of De Sade History of Munches
Mistress Ren and LesVoiles How to start a Munch
Ms Constance What to Expect at a Munch
Sensuous Sadie How to Screen Guests for a BDSM Organization
Stu's Beginners Guide to Munches

FINDING A MUNCH NEAR YOU:

Fetlife.com is a great place to start. Join (its free) and then check out the regional groups section. I promise, you'll find something!

If you live in southern Qld / northern NSW:

MS160's Northern NSW munch group
Ms160s group - Want to attend a Northern NSW group munch?
Ms160's group - First Contact with other kinksters? Meet our welcomers / greeters :)

Photos:
Ms160
View from Mt Tamborine
Photo: courtesy Gold Coast Things To Do

Mistress160 · at 4:25 PM

Courtesy: the stunning new Isabella Bolero
from the Gallery Serpentine website

It's tea party time again! The following event will be held the weekend of sol's birthday. Want to come?

We have old and new friends coming from every state on the east coast on Australia, plus Tassie, and even overseas. There will be other kinky events during the weekend, including a visit to Gallery Serpentine for some serious shopping and costume ideas.

We will be celebrating many things: sol's and my birthdays. The engagement of a D/s couple attending. And we will be remembering a very dear friend...

A High Protocol Femdom Tea Party with a Victorian theme will be Hosted by Mistress160 (Head Mistress of ClubFEM - NSW) and MzAntonina at the House of Wafflé in Sydney on Saturday afternoon, 28 May.

This ClubFEM - NSW event will commemorate and honor the memory of MsGawjusRedhead, an inaugural member of ClubFEM - NSW.

Historically correct afternoon tea will be served to Female Dominant Guests by male servers. The afternoon will also include:

- Fiendish Games (including some MsGawjusRedhead was very fond of) and Punishments
- Readings of Victorian Pornography
- Lessons in Birching
- Art Lessons (How to Draw A Naked Sub)

This is a small, invitation only event at a private home and places are limited. Preference will be given to those who have attended and served at ClubFEM - NSW events, but everyone must contact the organizers to request a place. New servers (including the subs of Female Dominants Guests not known to the organizers) will be considered but are required to fill in a questionnaire to confirm suitability, and attend a High Protocol service training afternoon.

If you are interested in attending - as either a Guest or server - or are interesting in attending or serving at future Femdom tea parties / ClubFEM - NSW events please drop ClubFEM - NSW Head Mistress160 or MzAntonina a line.

Event page here.

This is a ClubFEM - NSW event. ClubFEM - NSW is a social group dedicated to Female Domination and male submission for New South Wales residents. You can read more about ClubFEM worldwide here and about ClubFEM - NSW activities / how to join here. Please contact Head Mistress160 for further details.

MzAntonina and Mistress160 wish to thank AugustusSeizeHer for making his and MsGawjusRedhead's home available for this event :)

Photo:
Courtesy: Gallery Serpentine

Mistress160 · at 10:46 AM

We've been wanting to take our chemical play explorations further, since our scene with MzAntonina in Sydney last weekend. Sol had said after that scene that one thing he really wanted to try was maintaining his cunnilingus skills while experiencing the intense pain caused by some of the chemical play irritants we'd used. I also wanted to further investigate how long the pain from certain preparations and irritants endured, and whether one could actually come while enduring them.

With these thoughts in mind we stripped the bed last Sunday and planned a short scene. Sol was still recovering from flu and was on antibiotics, but was really looking forward to some play. It was nearly a month since he'd last come...

I'd not planned this. I'd planned for him to come in Sydney last weekend, as part of celebrating Mardi Gras. But we'd been so busy, and even though we'd done lots of kinky things, every time we reached an actual bed, we simply fell asleep. So I promised him an orgasm would be part of today's scene. Just as well. He was so sensitive, I thought a single touch might be too much!

Chemical play requires a certain care. And one of those cares is wearing gloves. I directed sol to put on my favorite IKEA red rubber washing up gloves and then tie up his balls with the leather thong MzAntonina kindly donated to our toy box after our chemical play scene with her last weekend:

Then we arranged the queening stool on the bed platform, near the wall (for a bit of extra support). Our "preparations" tray held pink latex gloves for me, lube, Extra Strength Dencorub and the two remaining ginger urethral plugs that sol made for our chemical play scene with MzAntoninia:

Extra Strength Dencorub of course was the fiendish irritant that caused the most havoc in our scene with MzAntonina, when it was applied solely to sol's balls. I wrote in that post:

"The response was quite dramatic. Obviously the product's blurb is right when it stated "the clear gel formulation allows for faster penetration and relief" LOL.

"You might like to check out YouTube for videos of men putting Bengay and similar products on their balls. There are lots of videos by drunk under graduates. However the results are the same: lots of yowling, lots of doubling over and groaning and lots of running away to have a shower.

"None of these options were available to sol, who was bound and gagged and completely at our mercy. We watched with great interest as his balls tightened and began deepening in color until they were almost dark red..."

So you can see why I was looking forward to trying another part of his genitals! Sol moved into position:

If you've not encountered our queening stool before you might like to take a look at this earlier post about it's design and construction: Sol's queening stool prototype. Other scenes where we used it: here and here.

I sat to one side of sol, legs crossed, with the preparation tray beside me and sol's cock and balls presented nicely:

I planned to use a "warm up" irritant before the Dencorub. I had left sol's hands free because I knew I'd need a bit of help. First I had him hold his cock up right as I lubed the head and his urethra:

I then gently inserted the ginger plug into his urethra. I knew from last weekend's scene with MzAntonina that the plug would fit all the way:

I held it in for about a minute or so. sol found the sensation warm but not particularly intense, which is why it made a good "warm up" tool :).

I instructed sol to hold everything in place while I prepared the next item on the tray. Unfortunately, being unable to see what he was doing (with the queening stool cover over his eyes) it didn't take long for the ginger plug to come out!

What I was doing on the tray was mixing a small amount of Dencorub with lube. This is something you often have to do with chemical play - using a preparation or irritant full strength is often too intense for the sub. In sol's case, we knew from the last scene with MzAntonina that he COULD manage full strength Dencorub, but that it would completely take over the scene. So diluting the product meant I could control his sensations, and add more whenever I wanted to make things harder for him.

In this case I was diluting one part Dencorub to three parts lube. I was surprised to see the mix turn white in the bowl:

I placed a layer of the white mix onto sol's shaft:

It seemed I judged the quantities in the first mix quite well, and sol responded nicely, arching his back slightly and gasping:

As MzAntonina and I had noted last weekend when we put Dencorub on his balls, the skin darkened and tightened:

And the sensation was pretty intense. NOT as intense as the time we did his balls, but still a lot of fun. As sol lay groaning and gasping I moved from his side to the queening stool. I lent back against the wall, slid down it and sat firmly down, my ass over sol's nose and my other bits within tongue's reach:

His own "bits" were still within easy reach:

But why should I do all the work, LOL?! After applying a little more of the lube / Dencorub mix to his shaft, I directed sol to start masturbating:

I was hoping sol would experience something similar to boundecstasy:

"i think she covered my cock in [a muscle cream called "deep heat" ]. That was shear agony... it was like dipping my cock into acid, it was stinging and burning and it was like it was on fire. I was heavily bound so could barely move.

"The best relief here was when she masturbated me ... brought me near orgasm. This allowed me to concentrate on the orgasm and the pain subsided. However once i climaxed, it was a race to undo the restraints and a dash to the bath so i could put cool water over it to cool things down... this made it burn worse!"

I think sol could sympathize with this description :)

The next couple of minutes were very interesting as he gasped and struggled to breathe under me, while keeping the tongue action going on my clit, and masturbated with burning Dencorub on his cock.

I simply sat on top of him and enjoyed the view, the sound effects and the attention I was receiving...

A muffled "Mistress, may I come?" was greeted with a "no, absolutely you may not, I've just started to enjoy myself here". He groaned and removed his hands from his cock. But the flow of come had already started!

This was an orgasm I wanted him to enjoy so I said "you may come" ... and he did. All over the place:

Anyone would think he hadn't come for ages or something...

As I didn't want him to die of lack of oxygen I removed myself from the queening stool and sat beside him. I usually direct him to eat his own come and in fact his fingers were already at his mouth .... "be careful" I warned, "you may get some of the Dencorub from your glove, as well as your come".

I cleaned his cock up a little, removing come, lube and Dencorub, then blew gently on his cock to see how sensitive he was. He groaned. I left him wrapped in a tissue while I quickly cleaned up the preparation area and moved the tray off the bed:

That's the thing we learned from our first major chemical play with MzAntonina - the sensations keep on for quite a while. Part of the reason for the play we'd done today was to collect info on how long those sensations lasted on the shaft and head, and how hard / easy were they to bear after you'd come:

sol lay with fists clenched for about five minutes. It was to take about half an hour before his cock was back to what he later described as "just twinges now and then". That was fine, I had a plan for filling in the time...

I of course had not forgotten sol's earlier comment that he wanted to try maintaining his cunnilingus skills while experiencing Dencorub agony. So I said "my turn now" and instructed him to finish providing my own pleasure. I lay back on the bed as sol got into position, and began...

"Hmmm" I thought, as pleasant waves of sensation ran through me, "I wonder if this is safe ... surely sol would already have felt it himself if he has any Dencorub on his lips or tongue ..."

"oh oh .... what's that cold sort of numbness?"

That was the end of THAT orgasm!

Photos: Ms160

Mistress160 · Mon Feb 21 09:57:02 UTC 2011

This post is about Edgeplay

Please don't read it if you are not
interested in learning about:
urethral play
urethral sounds
needle play
blood play
medical play
advanced CBT

For some time now we've wanted to further explore urethral torture / CBT sensation play via chemical play. It has long been a fantasy of sol's and mine. I always liked it's potential, and was recently re-inspired by this great description on a Tribes thread on BDSM techniques:

"I love things that slowly heat and add to the intense buildup of heat via pain!"

Oh, yes....

Chemical play according to Wiki is "the use of balms and ointments such as Bengay, Icy Hot, Biofreeze, etc" (here in Australia we use Dencorub) to create sensations on a submissive's body during a BDSM scene. But it's more than that. This kind of sensation play can utilize a wide range of intense preparations / mild irritants, everything from menthol to toothpaste to wintergreen oil. We are also interested in using spices like cinnamon, eucalyptus, peppermint, chili peppers and ginger - spice play :). You can use these materials fresh or you can use condiments (including essential oils) made from them.

Because this type of play interacts with other sorts of play - and because chemical play often gets called different things - we are going to be touching on other topics such as Food Play, Spice play, Irritant play, Abrasion play, etc.

There's not much written about chemical play. There's not even a chemical play group on Fetlife! (actually there is: Spices, oils, roots and balms for sadism or sensual intensification. Took a bit to find, of course they couldn't just call it "chemical play"! It's well worth joining). I'll keep researching and trying to find material but so far there's just one organization doing workshops, one or two articles online, a couple of blog posts and some threads on various fetish / kink / gay forums etc. Oh, and LOTS of YouTube videos of vanilla idiots rolling in agony after putting various products on their balls.

So I thought I'd turn a post about a rather good scene into a sort of BDSM For Beginners post, to try and collate a bit of the info that's otherwise hard to track down. Also, because you need to take care with this kind of play. One of the chemical play blog posts I mentioned (Vince of Obedience Realized) has some great ideas and is definitely worth a read, but I disagree with one small part of his comment that:

"Chemical play is an extremely easy thing to add to play by a Dominant. It takes no skill, and is very effective".

I know what Vince means here .... chemical play is not exactly Florentine flogging or needle play. But. If you are ever to move beyond using the smallest amounts possible, it DOES take skill. Or you will cause your sub agony well outside their limits. You need to familiarize yourself with the preparations and irritants you plan to use, and you need to spend time testing how those agents and irritants react on your sub. Putting all this info together into a scene takes skill.

Chemical play is usually regarded as edgeplay. However you can make this kind of play as light and sensuous, or as edgy and intense, as you like. It all depends on what you plan to use, and how you plan to use it. In our case, because sol is a masochist and really enjoys this kind of thing, we can push the envelope a bit - with care we can create sensations not just on his body but slightly inside his body, in particular in relation to urethral torture.

One thing it's very important to stress with this type of play is that you not only need to pre test what you plan to use, you need to be aware that these types of irritants often take a while to build up their intensity ... and equally take a while to stop having their effect. In some cases you can neutralize the sensation, but in others you have to cope with it until it fades naturally.

As ausboy wrote on a Milovana forum thread "It burns and burns and there is no way to take it off you just gonna deal with the pain until it goes away". But dark was absolutely correct when he responded "I think that is the turn on for most who use it. They give up the control about the pain and have to take it".

This touches on the mindset you need to reach for, during the scene. The extended intensity will also impact on your scene's timing and construction. You may have finished playing and packed up and be ready to leave, while your sub is still in the zone dark describes! As Vince oh so accurately notes in his Chemical Play post:

"Chemical Play leaves a little gift that keeps on giving after the session is over"

And that is half the fun :).

This BDSM For Beginners series style post is set out in the following sections:

What we used
The scene
What we learned and want to share with you
More about neutralizers
Will there be a next time?
What we'll do next time

Like most BDSM For Beginners posts, this one is long. So treat it like workshop notes - read the hot scene in the middle and bookmark the rest for later, when you need more info for your own scenes.

WHAT WE USED

Having fantasized about chemical play for a while, sol shared with me some interesting ideas regarding food stuffs, and in particular various forms of chili pepper and hot sauces. When the opportunity of an afternoon's play with MzAntonina arose over Mardi Gras weekend in Sydney, we arrived laden with goodies:

And no, they weren't to eat for lunch! The foodstuffs included:

fresh lemon
fresh ginger
three types of fresh chili, including locally grown jalapino and habaneros
wasabi (Japanese horseradish)
mild green Tabasco
red Tabasco
Mexican El Yucateco XXX chili sauce (picante habanero)
Mexican Cholula hot sauce arbol and piquin
Japanese La Yu chili oil
The Chilli Factory, Sydney's Turbo Supercharge (Extremely Hot Habanero Paste)

The only non food item was a tube of extra strength Dencorub. Sol had used it before on his cock and found it very painful. I'd tried using Tiger Balm on sol without much success some years before, so something stronger was obviously needed....

We had done some research into how to neutralize sensations if things got too much for sol. Keeping in mind milk and yoghurt often work well to alleviate chili based irritants (something about certain proteins soothing and reducing stinging and burning sensations) we brought with us fresh plain yoghurt.

Products like Dencorub, Capsaicin and Bengay are pain-relief analgesic formulations used to relieve muscle aches and pain due to arthritis and strain. Bengay's main active ingredients are menthol and methyl salicylate. Dencorub's Extra Strength Heat Gel contains:

"26% methyl salicylate, which makes it a concentrated hot formula that gives hours of relief from pain resulting from sprains, strains, painful joints, muscular aches and pains, as well as Arthritis, Rheumatism, Lumbago and Fibrositis"

What's happens when you apply these products is the menthol acts as a topical analgesic and provides the cool feeling and the methyl salicylate provides the heating by dilating the capillaries in the affected area, which increases blood flow to that area. When you apply them to the genitals - keeping in mind Hardy Haberman's advice in Family Jewels (p.51) to not "use any of these compounds - Tiger Balm, Ben Gay, Icy Hot, or any other - as lube, within the urethra or rectum or on any mucous membranes" - they produce an intense burning sensation which some people may actually find pleasurable, and in some people may actually increase the duration of an erection. It's the cooling effect of the menthol that is the last to wear off.

We had several of the nastiest types of chili covered in our food range. Wiki says :

"There are five major species of Capsicum cultivars, and appear in many varieties. The hotness of the fruit is indicated in the Scoville scale, which ranges from no heat at zero to pure capsaicin at 16,000,00:
Capsicum annuum, which includes bell peppers, cayenne, paprika, and jalapeños
Capsicum baccatum, which includes the ají pepper
Capsicum chinense, which includes habaneros
Capsicum frutescens, which includes tabasco
Capsicum pubescens, which includes rocoto.

The heat level of chilis is determined on the Scoville scale. Here's wiki again:

"The Scoville scale is a measurement of the spicy heat (or piquance) of a chili pepper. The number of Scoville heat units (SHU)indicates the amount of capsaicin present. Capsaicin is a chemical compound that stimulates chemoreceptor nerve endings in the skin, especially the mucous membranes ...
"a sweet pepper or a bell pepper, containing no capsaicin at all, has a Scoville rating of zero, meaning no heat detectable. The hottest chilis, such as habaneros and nagas, have a rating of 200,000 or more, indicating that their extract must be diluted over 200,000 times before the capsaicin presence is undetectable"

In our sample to try today we had:

Jalapeño ( 2,500-10,000 Scoville Units)
Piquin (30,000-50,000 Scoville Units)
Tabasco (30,000-50,000 SR) is native to Mexico but is now grown in large amounts in Louisiana by McIlhenny Company for the sauce of the same name
Thai 75,000 - 150,000 Thin fruit with a pointed tip. Often used in the cuisines of Southeast Asia, especially (as the name implies) Thailand.
Habanero (80-300,000+ Scoville Units). The latter featured in the El Yucateco EXXXtra Picante (more than 11,000 Scoville units). According to the El Yucateco website, the recipe is fashioned after Mayan tradition. It's also called Kutbil-Ik, which means "crushed chili" in Mayan.

This was going to be fun...

Despite how intense this sounds, it was important to keep in mind that the capsaicin in a habaneros was miniscule compared to the strength of pain-relief analgesic formulations. They needed to be utilized with care.

THE SCENE

Please note that a longer, more graphic version
of this scene appears on my private Edgeplay blog.
Drop me a line if you'd like access.

MzAntonina had greatly enjoyed our last scene - which had concluded with some q tip play using isopropyl alcohol - and was delighted to play again. Sol said after that scene:

"it hurt like fuck :) :) :) :).

"It was bright loud burny stingy pain. I'm not surprised I made a lot of noise. But one of the best things was the reaction from Mistress and MzAntonina: "gee that really seemed to hurt, let's do it again!"

"I'm definitely looking forward to doing it again plus with other substances"

We were certainly happy to explore further. We negotiated a scene where sol's genitals would first experience some needle play and sounding as preparation for sensation play with various hot condiments and fresh spices.

This was what we called a testing session. Damage to delicate internal linings was to be kept minimal, but the idea was to explore the potency / strength of various irritants (ginger / chili / etc) within sol's mucous membranes, to provide information that would be useful for future play.

We also wanted to see how long certain products took to build and fade, in terms of sensation, and try out various neutralizers for effectiveness. As it was sol, we might push our explorations a little further, keeping in mind Brian's comment on Tribe that:

"Even after sessions that were excruciating for those few minutes, I have had no adverse reactions, just some tenderness and pinkness but no harm. :)"

I directed sol to make several urethral size ginger plugs and chili strips. He also left several larger pieces for us to use as we desired. You can see them on the plate below. The white bowl contains just squeezed lemon juice:

We also had on hand the yoghurt, tissues and damp face towels as neutralizers. Lemon juice has also proved effective, although we had that for a different reason...

We set a timer, because MzAntonina and I do tend to get distracted, time wise and we had a deadline of about an hour or so, to allow time for sol and I to prepare for the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade that night.

We placed a black rubber sheet on MzAntonina's massage table, told sol to strip and tied him to the table with black rope:

I prefer using rope with carabinars for a restraint system with a quick exit, however I hadn't brought them, so MzAntonia brought out black rope from her play box and tied it beautifully.

We tied his hands behind his head and then gagged him:

He said later that he "liked the gag", it gave him:

"something to think about ... it was uncomfortable enough that you had to focus to keep things together".

Restrained in this manner, mouth gagged, how was sol to communicate a problem or safeword? We use a mix of hand signals (his hands were tied above his head but we could still see them) and of course - as you can see in the photo above - his facial gestures and noises can still indicate concerns.

Out came our traveling needle play kit and MzAntonina's sharps container:

We wanted to start with needles because we thought once they were removed, the puncture wounds might respond in interesting ways to the various irritants we planned to introduce. Well, that's our story and we are sticking to it. The fact we also really enjoy putting needles into male genitals has nothing to do with it....

We snapped on some of MzAntonina's great pink latex gloves. I'd like to stress here: NEVER ever play with these kind of irritants without gloves!

We swabbed down sol's shaft and started our row of needles about half way along, working towards the (more sensitive) top:

We started with two 25 gauge needles and then two 23 gauge. We'd both been wanting to try out the various styles of needle cap and this provided an excellent opportunity. First we capped our needles with cork, then silicone (yellow) and rubber (black):

We found cork the easiest to use, although of course they are single use so more expensive in the long run. We then placed a few needles under sol's scrotum. Sol said later he found the scrotum needles "slightly sharper than on the shaft but not as intense as the head":

We wanted to insert some needles in his foreskin and shaft, but remembered the access problems we encountered last time. To avoid these we tied a black cord through his PA ring and tied it to his chest rope:

This made his foreskin easy to pierce:

We admired our work for a bit, then dribbled fresh lemon juice over the needles in his shaft:

This caused a mild response. We then removed the needles in the shaft, allowing the lemon juice to drip into the holes:

A much better response! To access the head of his cock we undid the cord and tied it to his thigh rope restraints, causing his cock to bend back like this:

We each inserted a needle each:

Sol reacted intensely as he always. You might recall sol said this, the first time I put a needle through the head of his cock:

"the sensation of the needles through the head is hard to describe ...

"the whole end of the cock is loaded with nerve endings, it's not like skin of the shaft where you just have a pin prick at entry and exit. The skin at both ends of the head needle seems to be loaded with nerve endings. It feels like you are pushing the needle through a thick layer of nerve endings and everything tingles as it goes through this thick layer of sensation...

"yes it hurts (like penetrating skin) but it also tingles and zaps almost like an electric shock ... every needle also feels different, it's like all the different nerve endings there create different intensities, a mm to each side would create a different effect..."

As I wrote on the same post:

"It was certainly intense for sol ... as for me, I nearly came, just doing it! I punched one hand up in the air in a victory salute ... yay!!! I'd done it!!! ... and truly, I nearly came"

This time was just as good :). But this was just the "foreplay" of the scene. Now it was time to get out S(A)X's incredibly useful urethral sound and enlarge the urethra...

Both MzAntonina and I really adore sounding so I'm afraid I have no photos of our fucking sol's urethra. Here's one from our last scene:

Sol said after that scene:

"it went in all the way .... I couldn't feel it at the far end, like they say in the books it's the first five or six cm of the urethra that has most sensation ... but the feeling of fullness with the full diameter of the sound I almost felt like I was coming ... the only other time you get that same sensation is when you are coming"

In this particular scene we also took the sound down the whole way, so we could enjoy fucking sol with it. However our main focus for the day was to widen the first inch or so, so we could insert various agents with ease.

While MzAntonina had a turn I removed the needle play kit from between sol's legs and brought the condiment plate closer:

You can see to the left of that photo the lube we were using and the tiny Asian cotton baby q tips I purchase for CBT. These are so much more useful and more intrusive than the usual size in Western supermarkets.

After a few minutes of fucking, sol's urethra was nicely stretched. While MzAntonina held his cock steady I picked up the first q tip for the day and examined the contents of the plate. Choices ... choices....

As I mentioned earlier our last scene with MzAntonina had concluded with some q tip play using isopropyl alcohol, so we knew sol could tolerate urethral insertions with irritants. But the whole point of this scene was to work up to things slowly and obtain as much info as we could about sol's responses to things. Refusing the urge to go straight to the fresh chilis, I looked at the milder irritants. I'd read that Tabasco sauce was potentially:

"Very intense on labia or rectally on a butt plug. One bottom reports using a 1:1 dilution for 'pleasure' scenes and full strength for punishment scenes. Starts near full intensity and wears off over time or washing"

One man on Fet described a mixture of Tabasco and cinnamon as feeling "like hydrochloric acid was being poured into the tip of my penis".

Could be fun, then. I dipped my q tip in the mildest material on the plate: green Tabasco. I coated both sides of the q tip. With MzAntonina holding sol's cock for me, I dabbed the inside of sol's urethra with the tip...

No reaction. Okay, then ... I gently circled the the inside of sol's urethra with the tip... Damn, only a slight reaction. So I picked up a clean q tip and dipped it in red Tabasco. Definitely a stronger reaction this time, but still not a major one.

After to talking to sol later I think these condiments might have worked better if I had taken a moment to wipe away from the urethra any lube that remained from sounding. I could then use a clean dry q tip to abrade the top and inside edge of the urethra a little. I think any substances placed on q tips and inserted after that abrasion would "take" better. vampyrepain confirms this:

"The main reason that [inserting a q tip] is painful is because the fibers of the q-tip scratch your mucus membranes. Urine is very basic which makes it irritate the scratches as well as kill bacteria as it passes over your scratched urethra. Using irritants such as tabasco or alcohol on the q-tip just further the irritation, but they also lubricate so there isn't as much scratching. For a really awful punishment that won't be soon forgoten, dedicate a little time and first insert a dry q-tip to cause the scratches, the insert an alcohol or lemon juice soaked q-tip to cause inflammation, swelling, and irritation, then end with the tabasco soaked q-tip that will allow more of the burning sensation to penitrate into the scratched, inflammed, and sensatized tissues"

Moving along with our experiments, we next inserted a plug of fresh ginger:

Sol's urethra was slippery with pre come and lube from the sound, so the ginger plug went in easily:

He was enjoying these mild sensations too much so we decided to up the ante a bit. Well, okay, more than just a bit...

MzAntonina scooped up a little Dencorub with a finger tip, then rubbed it over his balls:

The response was quite dramatic. Obviously the product's blurb is right when it stated "the clear gel formulation allows for faster penetration and relief" LOL.

You might like to check out YouTube for videos of men putting Bengay and similar products on their balls. There are lots of videos by drunk under graduates. However the results are the same: lots of yowling, lots of doubling over and groaning and lots of running away to have a shower.

None of these options were available to sol, who was bound and gagged and completely at our mercy. We watched with great interest as his balls tightened and began deepening in color until they were almost dark red.

Sol was almost biting through the gag as each wave of strong sensation built and receded. We had to tell him to be quiet, which really turns him on as well as helps him focus. At one point he called yellow and begged us to turn off the over head fan. At the time I thought he was simply cold (and was rather amazed he was aware of being cold with all the other stuff going on). Later he told me the soft cool breeze from the fan was excruciating on his balls. Next time the fan ... or gentle blowing from our lips ... will become part of the scene!

While sol rode waves of agony, MzAntonina and I removed the final two needles from sol's cock head. I had repeated out loud alexpierce's reminder to be prepared for blood when removing needles from the cock head ... and it was lucky I did this because we experienced the largest bleed so far. It looked amazing, pooling on the rubber sheet underneath sol:

I grabbed the camera while MzAntonina, who greatly enjoys blood play of all kinds, had a wonderful time painting sol's cock red:

You can see more photos and MzAntonina's final "art work" on my Edgeplay blog.

Of course the fresh, flowing blood acted as yet another irritant on sol's poor Dencorub covered balls, and added to his agony. MzAntonina and I exchanged looks ... should we stop? I quickly dipped my bloody gloved finger tips into the cool yoghurt we had near by and applied the yoghurt to sol's balls.

He yowled very loudly through the gag.

Oops. A slight Dominant cock up there, so to speak. Yoghurt only helps with chili, not Dencorub. I'd just made things worse ... or from sol's masochistic point of view, better! He'd just had to ride out the pain. I was keeping in mind Brian's comment that "even after sessions that were excruciating for those few minutes, I have had no adverse reactions, just some tenderness and pinkness but no harm. :) ". And this proved the case with sol.

We cleaned up the blood and yoghurt, noting that the Dencorub was still affecting sol's ball tightness and color as well as his pain threshold. To keep him from getting ...er ... bored, we decided it was time to insert those fresh chilis.

We began with a tiny strip of mild green chili:

We fucked his urethra with it, and then let it sit for a while...

No response. Sol later said "first tip didn't do anything" . But then we replaced it with a red chili sliver:

This was much more successful, in terms of response. We tried in and out fucking motions, also just letting it sit for a while. However the most successful position was to hold it right in and bring the foreskin up over it:

This resulted in some serious noises. Sol later described it as:

"almost off the scale ... that last one got well into the 9 points something out of 10"

Scott Adams' (who created Dilbert) would probably agree. He had a rather fiendish encounter with jalapeños. I don't usually quote vanilla blogs (as their authors may not like appearing on an adult content blog) but Scott's description is just so good I hoped he wouldn't mind my sharing it. This quote picks up after he's ignored advice to use gloves and chopped jalapeños by hand:

"A few minutes passed, and I felt a tingle in my left hand - the one that directly handled the peppers. The tingle turned into a warm sensation, and the warmth turned into...well, this will take some explaining.

"Imagine turning a broom upside down, so the pointy bristles are facing up. You take your hand, palm facing down, and bounce it on the pointy bristles. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that feels on your hand? Okay, good.

"Now imagine that a giant troll sees you playing with the broom. He snatches it out of your hand, chews the handle into a point and shoves it so far up your ass that you can taste it. Then he uses you like a huge flyswatter to kill a nest of porcupines that are living in his salt mine. My hand hurt like that.

"It felt as if my hand was literally on fire. It was one of the most intense pains of my life"

Sol later said he felt the same. Here's another online description, this time from boundecstasy:

"i think she covered my cock in [a muscle cream called "deep heat" ]. That was shear agony... it was like dipping my cock into acid, it was stinging and burning and it was like it was on fire. I was heavily bound so could barely move. The best relief here was when she masturbated me ... brought me near orgasm. This allowed me to concentrate on the orgasm and the pain subsided. However once i climaxed, it was a race to undo the restraints and a dash to the bath so i could put cool water over it to cool things down ... this made it burn worse!"

In fact we'd removed the chili and begun to undo sol's restraints believing he might need a similar dash to the bathroom. However he ferverantly told us to leave him tied.

His concerns over the restraints had broken his headspace, and he tossed back and forwards, groaning through the gag loudly. I took him by the shoulders and called his name to focus him and directed him to be quiet. MzAntonina helped from the other side of the massage table, holding his head and reminding him to breathe ... breathe ... breathe. Soon he slipped back under again.

Our alarm had gone off some time before, and we were short of time, but there was nothing we could do but pack up quietly and let sol ride the waves of sensation. After about half an hour they were reduced enough that he was happy to have the restraints removed. We'd already removed the gag.

AFTERCARE:

Interestingly, after such intense play, sol required minimal aftercare. We left it long enough so that by the time he had a shower - about half an hour after play - his genitals were not too painful. And by the next day he only had a small bruise on the head of his cock to show for all his adventures:

As you can see his shaft is clear of marks. Last time we did this I posted:

"In terms of all the internal play, there was some redness / soreness at the tip of the urethra immediately after play but this quickly disappeared. Sol was a tad nervous peeing for the first time after this scene:
"it hurt like hell when I finally did ... my body actually refused for a couple of minutes, anticipating the pain .... and there was burning for about two days after. Still a little sensitivity in the area ...

"I feel more well used than pain ..."
Which is a perfect way to feel at the end :)

I think sol felt the same this time. He said there was a little soreness around the urethra when peeing, but there was no redness or sore spots visible.

So, all round, a successful scene that had all three participants buzzing for days!

WHAT WE LEARNED
AND WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU

What we learned from this "test session":

Chemical play is perhaps not the best scene for when you have time constraints!

Always wear gloves and have a few spare pairs on hand

Never forget that chemical play can be an extremely painful form of play ... sol later said "it was the most severe play we've done" and I agree. I actually noted to MzAntonina during the scene that sol's responses were the most extreme I'd seen. But on the other hand from his point of view he really enjoyed the scene and "never got to the point of wanting the scene to stop".

Make sure your play partner is not allergic to anything you plan to use. Discuss this in pre-scene negotiations, and for any products they are not sure of, do "test patches" on less sensitive areas of skin

Different people react differently to the same concentration of something, so testing something on yourself isn't necessarily going to tell you how it will feel for someone else. Have a "test" session before you actually play. Also, check out YouTube's videos of men putting Bengay and similar products on their balls to get a general idea of severity og sensation / response times.

When you plan your scene, you need to take into account those sensation response times. Also, be careful how many substances you apply ... sensation may just be starting to build when you decide it's not working and dollop on something else *grin*.Here's a "word of warning from someone with first hand experience":
"Irritants (like those I have been talking about) do not act/react immediately. A friend put capcaisin on herself. After a minute or so, she didn't feel anything so she doubled the amount applied. A few minutes later (having still felt no effect) she redoubled the amount applied. And then she started feeling it, and she couldn't find a way to neutralize it. She found out, to her chagrin, how much capcaisin is required to cause first and second degree burns to very tender body parts."

I highly recommend your sub's genitals are shaved before such a scene. It provides a much cleaner canvas to work on!

Inserting things into the urethra is a contentious topic. Some kinksters are completely against the idea, and have valid reasons. However if urethral play is something you and your sub want to explore, then keep this advice - which I totally agree with - by MissPlease in mind:
"I'm of the belief that putting substances in your urethra could cause some damage. I like to err on the safe side especialy when it involves genitalia (even if I do ball busting). When it comes to the urethra or anything internal, I'm very careful. The inside of the urethra is very delicate and can be damaged easily. Inserting oils and ointments might cause some caustic burns. Even with sounds we are warned that whatever is inserted should be sterile and smooth. Sure, a certain amount of bdsm is experimental, but I do try to seek out experienced and educated/informed sources before trying stuff if possible"

We started with a fairly intense scene because sol is a severe masochist. What if you want to try chemical play at a milder sensation level? Why not start with toothpaste. I've read that it provides a "mild burning sensation when used anally, fairly popular and the most often used in regular scenes, when substances are used. Unless you think you're very sensitive, I'd use full strength." The brands Crest and Closeup are recommended. subfemmepet notes that:
"toothpaste applied to the clit is yummy: :):it varies in its intensity..dies down, comes alive again, ....cleanest clit in town ! minty fresh:t :): similar effect on anus..if you lack a clit, lol"

Tiger Balm doesn't work for sol, which means it may work for those seeking slightly milder sensations (although having said that everyone responds differently) and also seems a popular product to use of female subs as well as males. Druid found it "invigorating without being excruciating. Even when applied to the helmet and eye it is challenging but tolerable"

Fresh ginger is also a great mild to intermediate irritant. We've had fun with it - you can use ginger juice, make ginger dildos etc . If you've not explored figging in the past, have a read of this BDSM For Beginners post. There is also a Figging group on Fet :)

Needle play worked well as abrasive "foreplay" for our chemical play scene ... the punctures in his skin after the needles were removed responded extremely well to the application of irritants. If you are into needle play we definitely recommend doing this first

Combining other types of abrasion play (stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials such as rough silk, coarse cloth, leather, sandpaper, brushes, fingernails .... even twigs, if you include birching) with chemical play has excellent results. Abrasion is more effective on an area of skin which has already been made tender so you could start with a spanking or nipple torture (I've been collecting handmade wooden kitchen / cleaning brushes for a while ... they are excellent at abrading nipples) and move on abrasion play of various types, then finish up with chemical play.

You could also utilize other natural materials like botanicals (for one example, nettles)

Before inserting a little bit of something into the urethra with a q tip, you might like to take a moment to wipe any lube from the area (if you've been sounding) and then use a clean dry q tip to abrade the area a little. You'll find the substance you then insert will "take" better

How about considering chemical play for LDR and web cam play? It makes an excellent training tool. Here's Vince from Obedience Realized, who I quoted at the very beginning of this post:
"I enjoy using it as a training device. I prefer to build a submissive’s pain tolerance before they meet me for play again. Right now, boy Jake is preparing to visit and about a month. Once a day, I order boy Jake to cover [his] perineum, the balls, and the shaft of[his] cock with the capsaicin. The intense pain and burning reminds him of what is coming soon and of his service to me. This chemical has a longer staying power and makes a definite impression. Once a submissive has been exposed to it, just mentioning it can change a behavior.