Losing your D/s partner: surviving funerals + broken power dynamics

this post is for
those most courageous super heroes
Catwoman and wonderwomyn,
for cdm,
and in memory of
Empress Anita The First

ms160 and sol on Moreton Island
(courtesy NotExcessive)


"What the devil do you do when
the power dynamic is broken?"
Catwoman

No kinky sex today, sorry. Today I want to drag you out of your comfort zone. I want to make you appreciate those who love you, and face a few kinky / vanilla hard facts.

We all know the world as we know it may change in an instance. We try hard to not think about it but sometimes it happens anyway. The last twelve months have seen major changes for many real time kinky friends and blog sphere friends. Some have lost their life / play partners, while other friends adapt to radically changes in their lives.

I watch each friend meet each new challenge with admiration and awe. One thing I have learned about kinky relationships and families is that each is unique. Love - that extraordinary tie that binds (if you'll excuse the pun) each relationship or family - exists in so many different forms in so many different lives. And when you add all things kinky into that relationship mix you create even greater complexity. As one friend wrote recently about her own family:

"yes, we have addiction and recovery and codependency stuff multiplied -- the sheer numerosity of polyamory transposed onto the complexity of all that other business. It is dizzying sometimes, and we are continually amazed by the ubiquitous nature of the challenges and impacts, while simultaneously we are thrilled by what we can see of the positive benefits and shifts we are experiencing. There are days when we look around and imagine a life ahead that might turn out to be way better than any of us might have thought possible"

With every molecule of my being I hope they achieve that "life ahead" :). But for some of us, "life ahead" is suddenly and forever out of reach.

On 25 April 2011 Catwoman blogged:

"This message is simple.
Happy Anniversary to my love, my pet s2c.
My Batman.
These have been the best eight years of my life.
I love you"

I remember smiling when S2C responded only 23 minutes later:

"I love you too. "

Many of us have admired Catwoman and S2C's relationship for years. Their blogs made femdom look easy *grin*. Here's a quote I really like from S2C's book The Courage to Submit:

“Being a slave to a woman you love and who loves you is the greatest situation a man can hope for. Once you can get a woman to experience that sensation, that power, she never forgets it, and she will never forget you. She will likely never want to relinquish that power.

"It’s your job to introduce the lady you want to serve to the power that’s within her. Once that power starts to flow, it begins a circuit that gets stronger with each lap. Your serving her makes her more aware of how much she loves being served. She will, in turn, require more from you. The more she demands, the more you will enjoy it, and the more you will give her. As the lady realizes her power over you and other men, she will love you all the more for introducing her to aspects of herself she didn’t know were there.”

She certainly will :). And every entry of Catwoman's blog's reflected that power.

On 11 June 2011, S2C died "from heart problems". It was sudden, Catwoman later writing:

"He was unaware that he had the condition and little or nothing would have prevented it from happening"

I've always thought a quick death is great for the person concerned but hell on those they leave behind. Too much unfinished business. And that's just talking about vanilla relationships. There is an extra wound when you lose a beloved D/s partner, as Catwoman reveals:

"To say I love him doesn't seem to get at everything he was to me. It is magnified by the fact that I feel suddenly useless as a Domme ... The power dynamic is incomplete and I literally don't know what to do without him"

I endured that incomplete power dynamic for a a few months, a few years back, when sol was away. The friends I quoted at the start of this post have endured it, but (like sol and myself) as their relationship healed and reshaped, were able to reclaim it. But those who's D/s relationships are ended prematurely by death cannot reclaim it. They face a grief filled journey a single step at a time, as they come to terms with both the loss of their lover / husband / life partner plus the loss of their primary play partner.

Doesn't sound like it can get any worse, but oh, it can. If their relationship fell outside vanilla norms, they may also be about to discover that the vanilla family of their partner may exclude them from their partner's final care or even their funeral.

And how do you plan a kinky funeral anyway?

The death of our partners is not an aspect of the Lifestyle that often gets discussed. We don't like thinking about death at the best of times ... and if we do think about BDSM and death it's usually in the context of assuring everyone that our personal play is perfectly safe.

Which means that God forbid, if you find yourself in a situation like this, you are going to find (as I discovered a few years back) there is fuck all online. You'll have two choices, in terms of information. You can read the very few articles online about BDSM relationship breakups. And you can read various vanilla articles about the grieving process in general. I've provided a few links at the bottom in the References and Online Resources list and would be most grateful for any other links that readers have found helpful.

David Peterson's "Breaking Up is Hard to do" did at least confirm for me that D/s breakups ARE more difficult:

"The most common thing I hear when speaking to people (and speaking to myself after my own breakup...and yes, I did speak to myself!) about their D/s split up is how much more painful it was than their previous vanilla bust ups - including divorce! Words and phrases like "lost", "hollow" and "I feel so empty" are quite commonly heard. Rarely, if ever, have I heard things like "good riddance," which is so commonly uttered when vanilla relationships end. Why is this? And what can we do to cope with this?

"D/s breakups are much rougher than vanilla ones for two main reasons. First, we are trained all our life in the way of vanilla breakups. Years of hearing Dr. Phil and Oprah types have taught us how to cushion ourselves and protect our delicate psyches when we see warning signs that the relationship is going south.... Whereas we are, at best, green belts in preparing for and handling D/s breakups.

"The second reason (and it dovetails into the first) D/s breakups are so agonizing is sex. Yes sex. Always sex! In the vanilla world, the relationship starts to die when the sex deteriorates. ... But in 99% of D/s relationships that I have seen end(including mine), the sex and BDSM play were incredible even at the very end... The level of sexual intimacy is so great in most D/s relationships that it is hard to do without it...even at the end ...We are not used to these kinds of mixed messages"

Exactly.

A general reading of vanilla books on breakups and grieving shows that losing a D/s partner probably means working your way through Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although of course the stages don’t come in that order and you may not encounter them all. You can also be grieving long before an actual death. I wrote of my real time friend AugustusSeizeHer re MsGawjusRedhead that his:

"agony and awareness of what was to come rolled through the entire underground car park later that day when we spoke to him. His pain sucked the light from the walls. "I am lost" he writes on Fetlife."

What about that broken relationship dynamic of which Catwoman writes? This was the thing that nearly broke me and I only had to endure it for a couple of months. On top of any emotions I was experiencing over a possible break up was this dreadful sense of D/s isolation, with no way to express my sadism via play, no D/s partner to control. Something intrinsic to my entire sense of self was ... missing. AugustusSeizeHer wrote of this:

"I am lost in a hall of mirrors. Who am I? I'm a trainer without a puppy. A top without a bottom. A dominant without a submissive. How am I to see my own heart if not reflected in the eyes of my one-and-only girl?"

Catwoman writes:

"To say I love him doesn't seem to get at everything he was to me. It is magnified by the fact that I feel suddenly useless as a Domme. A Domme without her sub is pretty much just a picky, high strung woman with an over inflated sense of entitlement. (That's a joke, but it is pretty accurate). What is Catwoman without Batman? Even the movie sucked without the strength of his character to play against hers (now that's really accurate).

"The power dynamic is incomplete and I literally don't know what to do without him. What is there for me in this Lifestyle without him with me?"

There's no easy advice here on how to get through this. You have to do the hard time and let yourself work through the pain. Sammael's hard love advice for D/s breakups equally works with D/s grieving:

"the road to healing is not a smooth one. It is filled with peaks and valleys — maybe one day you’ll feel fine and completely over it, convinced that you’re fine and will be fine going forward… and the next day you’ll cry and just want to be in their arms again with everything as it used to be. It sucks, but that’s how it goes. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel — you will heal eventually"

Eventually. So they say, and it seems to be true. There's good reason that cliches like "time heals" are cliches. Although I would have kicked anyone who tried to tell me this, while I was going through the agony of it.

What proved most beneficial to me back then, and to other kinksters struggling with this issue, are the experiences and hard won survival skills of others who have walked this path. You'll find many personal stories in Fet's Widowed Kinksters group - and support there, too, if needed (with one group member class-a-babygirl writing "If my writings touch you, help you heal your own wounds, help you mourn and move on, open your eyes to things, then I have done my job").

I have also found Casey Morgan's blog supplicium post mortem: whacking, bereavement, God, etc. extraordinarily powerful. Her post the day that should’ve been literally brought me to my knees. Casey (who lost her husband suddenly) confronts both the personal and the practical. Here's an example of the former, from the post 365 days later:

"Shortly, the surgeon came out, and after some verbiage describing what they’d tried, said, “I’m very sorry your husband has passed away.”

"I wasn’t the kind of person whose husband passed away. I used, often, to fear he’d die, usually in a plane crash. Sometimes I’d dream he had died, but when I woke up, he was there, most merciful reprieve. Whenever I went out – to a friend’s play, to a party, to a family gathering – I always felt such relief that we had our life to come home to. This was the real reality – him and me and our dogs and our apartment and Casey and Mark and RP and TL and the others. The world was just so much noise, not a real thing. My family I loved, but this was the new family. We were making the new family. We were trying to have children, too. The old, sad, long life was over; the new life was underway. At our wedding, and in a print over our bed:

Rise up, my love, my fair one
And come away!
For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and done
The voice of the turtle is heard in the land

"... Imagine a giant eraser wiping away the present and the future ... It’s 365 days later. They say a year brings relief. It’s an ancient prayer practice, the Year’s Mind. They say it’s easier, having lived through every day of the year without them.

"It isn’t easier.

"Was I ever married, or was it all just a wonderful dream I woke up from a year ago this day?"

And here's an example of the latter (being practical) from being found a second time:

"People say grief just hits you – you’re going along fine, and then something “sets you off”. On the one hand, this popular notion enrages me because it isn’t true. Grief isn’t some untripped sensitivity. It’s a catastrophic injury, like amputation. Sometimes you temporarily forget about it – your morphine kicks in, and you focus on something else for a little while; maybe you briefly imagine you’re normal again, that life is normal. Then the morphine wears off, or you shift in your seat and wake up the pain, and then – oh, boy. So no, I say to people, you don’t need to worry about saying the wrong thing or making me feel bad. Say what you want. Nothing can make me feel worse"

Casey also exquisitely writes about how we lose whole parts of ourselves when we lose our play partners, parts unknown to others - the roles we play, the characters we create ... although they are not created, they are an intrinsic part of our very souls. being found a second time continues:

"sometimes aspects of [grief] hit me harder than expected, or in unexpected ways. A couple of months ago I was riding my bike through Gotham, a sunny, cold day, listening to my ipod. (RP always disapproved of Casey riding her bike in traffic and wearing her iopd.) The Kate Bush song “Under the Ivy” came on, and suddenly without warning I was sobbing my eyes out, still peddling across Broadway dodging traffic, thinking:

"What if someone else comes along to find Casey? What if she is found again, found twice? Could such a thing be possible?"

How can all those separate parts of your kinky self ever be reconciled to such a loss??? Casey later writes of how during a trip to England she attended a performance of Oliver!:

"At the interval in England, people come into the auditorium and sell you little ice-creams. So we queued up and bought casey an ice-cream because that is what you do in England, and it’s what RP always did. She didn’t feel like it, but we got it anyway, not even begrudging the £3.20 price, because RP always bought it for her, and we thought she should have it.

"So there we were, in the middle of a crowded, lit matinee auditorium, eating vanilla ice-cream with the little plastic spoon, and casey was so in (where are the quotation marks on this keyboard?), meaning so fully present in me, and it was like RP really had bought her the ice-cream, except he hadn’t, or had he, from the grave? We’d bought it with the £5 note that was in his wallet when he died. And then she/I/we… my hands were trembling like they did the day he died, and I felt nauseous, and tears were streaming down my face though I was trying as hard as possible not to break into full-scale sobbing in public. Casey couldn’t finish the ice-cream. We threw half of it away. People sort of understand grief, I think, but I’m not sure how many people can grasp having an attack of grief through different parts of your personality"

Casey is so very very right about that. What she describes is central to how many kinksters feel. It's often more than one life / love that's been lost. In another post she recalls how:

"The last morning he hugged me and said, “Don’t be anxious.”

"At the interment, his voice in my head, overpowering everything else, saying, “Take care of little Casey. Take care of little Casey.” Over and over, his voice so close, so tender, so alive"

Casey I only know, respect and admire through her words. I'd like now to share with you the story and words of a friend from my own side of the planet, wonderwomyn, who has been on her own journey for four months now, since her partner's slavetrev1's death on 6 Feb 2011.

In wonderwomyn's case (unlike Catwoman's and Casey's) there was a little more time, in terms of coming to terms with t's loss, as she wrote on Fetlife six months ago:

"Everything changed at the end of May 2010 when t was admitted to hospital. I can barely remember the beginning of the year. The rest of the year sped so fast. It has been filled with fun and sadness; exhilaration and despair. I have survived and will survive and I have learned so much in such a short time about myself and those I have interacted with."

However, having extra time may be no help at all:

"Just because it is almost six months on doesn't make it easier - just different. Those around us can afford to be complacent, but we do not have that luxury. The shock has gone the grief remains. I am in limbo running up and down the many stages of grief. I cannot pull myself out of limbo to move on with any part of my life and yet I know I have to for my sake and those I care about..."

The end of their story is documented on a Fet thread here. t's funeral and "final story" are here. Wonderwomyn's deeply moving and often heart breaking writings as the end approached taught many of her friends in the scene some very hard lessons. One lesson that particularly resonated for me was how t's vanilla family had no understanding of their D/s relationship and denied wonderwomyn's desire:

"to nurse the man I love in his dying days ... this has been denied ... me. They cannot understand what it means to own a body other than your own. They do not recognise that we are a couple even though we did not live together.."

Family problems continued at the funeral:

"It was such a relief to leave that environment with the hostile stares from t’s family. We did not go in for refreshments. I just wanted to leave it all behind me and be the person I am not someone I pretend to be."

This juxtaposition of lifestyles - trying to balance kinky and vanilla worlds - was something I was also aware of at MsGawjusRedhead's funeral and wake, last November. MzAntonina and Rake (both kinksters) did a marvelous job MC-ing the funeral ceremony, and AugustusSeizeHer and other members of their poly family were wrapped in love. But I was aware that there were people around me who loved MsGawjusRedhead very dearly and yet radiated extreme discomfort when members of MsGawjusRedhead's poly family and play partners stood up to talk about how much she meant to them and how much she'd changed their lives.

How on earth do you balance these kinky and vanilla components of our lives, in such an important event as a funeral? Especially if you encounter hostility. After wonderwomyn's experiences with t's family she sent out a heartfelt plea via Fet:

"I strongly recommend to everyone to think about your close friends and significant others. You do not have to tell your family details of the connection, but at least tell them the special people in your life exist. Do not compartmentalise too much."

The vanilla world tries hard via the set ceremonies and behaviors expected at funerals to remove every mention of one's alternative lifestyle. It is becoming more accepted that we can personalize funerals, but that's still personalization primarily within vanilla boundaries. For example MsGawjusRedhead requested all religious paraphernalia be removed from the crematorium chapel, and no flowers. And these requests are possible, these days.

But anything more kinky in terms of closure would simply have been perceived as "inappropriate", which means that if you are in a position of needing D/s relationship closure you are going to have to address this side of things in another way.

In MsGawjusRedhead's case this was via a wake at a kinky event venue (where vanilla family and friends were invited but warned of the surroundings) and for those who wished, play back at MsGawjusRedhead and AugustusSeizeHer's home. I learned a great deal and wrote a post about catharsis in play after attending the latter. I also adored the fact that AugustusSeizeHer put up a Fetlife event page for the funeral:

"Her most Gracious Majesty, Tormentor of Wayward Boys, Mistress of Puppets, Wielder of the Golden Cane, the Empress Anita I floated into the eternal night before dawn on Tuesday, 16 November 2010.

"Her courtiers, Her subjects, Her attendants, and visiting Dignitaries are commanded to attend Her one last time for Her remembrance oration and subsequent cremation.

"dress code: Standard street clothes - ideally with a modest, understated kink flourish that Her Majesty would appreciate"

In t's case, having not been welcomed as part of his vanilla family at the funeral wonderwomyn later held a get together with kinky friends "in a quiet Auckland bar":

"It ended up being a very sociable night that t would have enjoyed. I could show my love and lust to whoever I wished and laughed and smiled at the lovely conversations going on around the room. I said my bit and then various people got up and said something...

"On a table I put our beach photo, his collar, his kali cock collar, his lead. His cane soaked with his blood, and a silly Valentine’s heart toy that he gave me once. The large lovely photo of me supporting him during the hook suspension was hanging from a chair. I had a slide show of photos of him and our play going on the laptop"

Having given t's kinky friends an opportunity for closure, wonderwomyn then saw to her own personal needs for D/s closure:

"Steve_C branded the love bind on my back. My first tattoo will be this sign. t's daughter has not answered my emails asking for his necklace with the love bind pendant that I gave him. I have put this chapter of my life behind me and do not wish to contact her again. I have his collar and the cane with his blood in it. The brand will not last and is a little complicated to be effective, but the tattoo will be there forever. A reminder of a wonderful man in my life and a love that was beautiful and pure to the end"

She also worked hard on that incomplete power dynamic, writing to t via Fet recently:

"I ... wondered if I would ever play with someone like I played with you ... My sadism boils close to the surface. I suck it down and try not to explode. So different going to parties now. I can only let some of it out, because I cannot harm people that need to be played with care. I have to allow others a turn with those that need less care. Behave WW, behave! Knowing that I could play as hard as I want was such a joy. Until you were sick there were few boundaries we could not cross. A mad, fun journey that I have had the privilege to be on. Thank you. I was spoilt and now I pay the price. One day I shall dance again like the mad bad sadist I truly am.

"Love you, miss you, and somehow I can survive without you – I promise my love, I promise. Even though it is so very, very hard."

Watching wonderwomyn's personal growth through this experience via her writings has been inspiring, despite the grief and heart ache. Catwoman is aware she has not even taken the first steps of this journey, but she understands where it will take her:

"I recognize that I am in shock and I'm not even at the starting line of grieving for him. I will not run from the grief process, because if I don't grow through this experience, I won't get to remember all of our adventures and feel his love free from the pain and loss I feel now. I look forward to a time when all I feel is his love.

"On the other side of my grief, I am rocked daily with realizations of how incredible he was and how he took such good care of me. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have had him for as long as I did. He was perfect for me and I was perfect for him. I am proud that he was all mine and I was completely his.

"Goodbye my love, you rest now"

I hope she may find comfort in the possibility of a future, when that broken power dynamic begins to heal, as in wonderwomyn's words a few days ago to t via Fet:

"I looked about me at all the toys, and wondered if I would ever play with someone like I played with you. So much force, so many evil plots fulfilled! And always surrounded by a deep love and understanding.

"I move on to a new relationship with eagerness and hope ... I do not expect anyone to be you - you were not just anyone my love. You were amazing. What I went through with you, our friends, your family and our community had a profound impact on my life"

There is also hope in AugustusSeizeHer's recent words:

"Five months on, April, and it's suddenly different...

"I've discovered Daddy/girl play with a delightful girl whose sweet exuberance has lifted my mood and shifted my focus somewhat. ... But that said, I'm still going r.e.a.l.l.y slowly. The love of my life is dead. Breast cancer took her. It will take a long time for that wound to stop bleeding"

Time, it seems, does heal. Very slowly ... or "r.e.a.l.l.y slowly" as AugustusSeizeHer puts it.

The strength of my friends is truly inspiration. I hope that strength brings comfort to anyone else reading this post who has gone or is going through this type of loss. For those of us who are lucky enough to still have our partners, start communicating your wishes to those who need to know:

• make sure your kinky relationships (if not clearly seen by the vanilla community) are formally acknowledged via your estate. No one should ever have to endure what wonderwomyn did, being banned from t's bedside and made to feel unwelcome at his funeral. Never again. Never.
  

• have a real think about what you might like at your funeral - is BDSM an important enough element in your life to be part of that ceremony? If so, how can you incorporate elements that your kinky friends can enjoy but that won't distress your vanilla relatives and friends? For example, AugustusSeizeHer making a Fet event page of MsGawjusRedhead's funeral ... it was worded in a way that got the practical info across to friends wanting to attend, but also suggested her kinky friends dress with a secret kinky element ("dress code: Standard street clothes - ideally with a modest, understated kink flourish that Her Majesty would appreciate"). This was inspired, it kept grief at bay for just a little while.
  

• talk to your D/s partner or kinky family about any end of life arrangements / organ donation / funeral wishes etc. NOW. Do not put this off. It may be the only conversation you ever have with them about this. If your partner procrastinates, get them to read this post.
  

• after you've talked to your D/s partner or kinky family, write what you've discussed down, sign it and leave the note amongst your important papers. It's not legal but it should mean your wishes are followed.
  

• tell those you love how much you love them. In fact why not, after writing the note above, write another brief line just saying how much you love them and leave that with the other note with your important papers? Do not put this off either.
  

• go hug every member of your family, including your pets
  

I know, I'm such a bossy cow (what did Catwoman jokingly say? "A Domme without her sub is pretty much just a picky, high strung woman with an over inflated sense of entitlement" ) but this stuff is too important to forget. Thanks for staying with me, for reading this post. Final words go to wonderwomyn:

"Never take your loved ones for granted. Just when they are really pissing you off think about how wonderful that you have them and work whatever it is out. They are a gift and we will never know how long they are there for us. Drink in the joy they give you.

"Always the love ....

Always the hours"

16 NOVEMBER 2011:

Adding a final note to this very personal post on the first anniversary of MsGawjusRedhead's death. You can find out how everyone is getting along in their blogs (links below). I wanted to add this last comment by wonderwomyn from her Fet profile:

"I loved and adored my boi. He taught me to believe in love again and how to be compassionate. I would not be the domme I am now without him. We had an amazing journey together. Our time together was the most special time with anyone in my life. T left this world with a large W still faintly carved on his beautiful buttocks! We will meet in the other life when it is my time for me to pass over.

"We planted a tree for trevor at Tawse Manor near Rangiora in Canterbury. It was donated by the Canterbury group Uncommon Bonds. I have placed my pendant that represented our love in it's roots. It is a twisted kowhai. trev would have giggled at the twisted aspect and he loves birds, so the flowers will bring birds to his spot. He smiled, raised his eyebrows and nodded to this decision when I ran it by him after he had lost the power of speech. I enjoy visiting it in the still Canterbury evenings and mornings to talked to t and reflect on my life.

"Love you forever my boi xxx"

Regular readers of this blog may find the name Tawse Manner familiar - you might recall I stayed there with owners Steve_C and puss last January, when we were all working on the Southern Exposure program. You'll find a photo of t's tree in snow, on Steve_C's Fet profile here, as well as a later photo of the tree in it's first blossoming. As Steve writes on that photo: "Thinking of you, T!". Same from me to MsGawjusRedhead: "thinking of you my friend, and all who love you"

Treasure each day.

Ms160 and sol

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES:
There is a great deal of info out there regarding how to find a BDSM partner, but very little on how to cope with losing one. I'd sincerely appreciate readers sending me links to any material they found helpful.

General break up articles and links:
Melissa Becker BDSM Break Up
(appears on articlesbase with author details removed)
(appears on CollarNCuffs with MissBonnie given as author)

Edukink library - Healing after a crisis

Catherine Gross - Heartbreak and our truth

Dorothy Hayden How to Survive a breakup in a BDSM Relationship

William A. Henkin, Ph.D Ask the Therapist: How Do I End a Relationship?
(a therapist answers the question "As a submissive, how do I end a D&S relationship without seriously damaging my dominant's ego?")

lunaKM - The Heartache of a breakup

Sammael - Successfully breaking up

David Peterson - Breaking Up is Hard to do


General vanilla grieving articles and links:
Grief and Grieving

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Death and Dying 1969 , Routledge, ISBN 0415040159

Kübler-Ross model

Losing a partner


Where can you talk with others?
Fet groups:
(the first two are small groups but active and you'll get support there, some of the others are a bit quiet)

• Widows and widowers
• Widowed kinksters
  
• Dealing with death
• Cancer survivors
  
• Cancer survivors into kink / BDSM
• Breast cancer survivor support
  
• Cancer supporting one another
  
• The Heart of kink (for those who have survived heart attacks)
• Moving On.....the end of the relationship...and it hurts

Inspirational friends links:
Catwoman and S2C

• Catwoman's blog
  
• s2c's blog The Courage to Submit
  
• s2c's book The Courage to Submit
• Review of s2c's book by HerMajestysPlaything

wonderwomyn and slavetrev1

• ww's new blog
• ww's writings on Fet
  

Casey Morgan
(Casey's writing is really extraordinary)

• supplicium post mortem: whacking, bereavement, God, etc.
• Fet profile
  

AugustusSeizeHer and MsGawjusRedhead

The Heron Clan

Thank you:

your lives are inspirational
and your wisdom and words
are so important to share.
in memory of these
extraordinary relationships:
Catwoman and S2C
wonderwomyn and slavetrev1
AugustusSeizeHer and MsGawjusRedhead
Casey and Mark


Photo:
NotExcessive :)
and Ms160 and sol's camera