Kinky friends and readers of this blog often ask me about how to maintain a D/s relationship in daily life, outside the bedroom.
One thing I always suggest is to work together to establish D/s relationship components like daily rituals or tasks - you need to work together to come up with some ideas that are meaningful to you as a couple and that work within your individual D/s relationship (what works for someone else may not work for you). And once you've created some rituals / tasks it's important to maintain them.
I thought you might enjoy hearing from sol about a daily D/s "experiment" we've been running for six months now.
I had been thinking of ways to reinforce sol's submissive mindset when he was, for example, away from me at work. We'd been having fun experimenting with chastity devices, and these had certainly proved unexpectedly effective. But I never knew when the CB-6000 was going to split and need a glue repair ... which of course left sol "free".
So I came up with the following "daily ritual".
Here's sol:
"A few years after we started practicing BDSM in our relationship, my Wife / Mistress surprised me as we were driving home one day by saying "I went shopping for you", and holding up a lacy pink polka-dotted g-string. To say I reacted favorably is an understatement: I blushed bright red and nearly drove off the road"
Ms160: he's not exaggerating ... he nearly DID drive off the road!
"While cross-dressing (along so-called "forced feminisation" lines) had featured in some of the porn I liked, my few experiments (trying on my Wife's underwear when she wasn't home) hadn't really worked for me. What was missing apparently was another person controlling and appreciating the result. So from that point on I started wearing very feminine panties under my male outer wear, with Mistress choosing what I wore each day.
"We bought my first bra during the first couple of months of experimenting with feminization, and this was documented on Her blog in a post entitled "A Boy's First Bra".
Ms160: here's a photo of sol's first bra and marching panties:
"Over the last 4 years we had added a second bra to my collection, and I wore them occasionally at home or less often to work under my usual clothing"
"Mistress also experimented briefly with using the self-adhesive "invisible" bra cups as a way of padding out the bra:
"but she generally just has me wear bras without padding"
Ms160: over the years I'd added to sol's cross dressing wardrobe, right up to the lovely "little black dress" I purchased for him last Xmas, worn below with a bra underneath:
And of course sol sleeps in pretty lingerie every night. Here you can see some of his pretties hanging up to dry after being handwashed. He wears the black nightie with the pink trim (which has a matching long sleeved black sexy short dressing gown) most often:
Ms160: he also has a range of less attractive female nightwear, which may be worn for punishment or when I need a giggle.
The thing was, he'd got too comfortable wearing these items all the time. So I started thinking about how I could up the ante and push him out of his comfort zone.
Sol:
"In late October, one of Mistress' blogger friends had her boy celebrate National Stocking Week by wearing a full ensemble of stockings, suspenders, panties and bra under his business attire every day"
Ms160: The friends sol mentions are poppet and his always inspirational and beautiful Owner, of the blog
poppetsubslut. These two make D/s relationships look easy.
You can read poppet's post where he mentions National Stocking Week
here. Poppet writes "Oh, and I've just discovered that next week is national
wearing stockings to work week! i'm now just hoping that Owner lets me wear a pair, it would be great to go in on Friday wearing both a bra AND matching stockings").
So we don't know for sure what his Owner directed him to wear. But I decided to put sol in the full ensemble.
"Mistress decided that I should take part in National Stocking Week also. Pictures can be found on Her blog."
Ms160: for a week I had sol wear bra, panties, slip, garter belt and stockings to work. I posted photos of each ensemble each day:
Okay so I forgot to post on Friday, so you can enjoy the ensemble from Thursday again lol:
Watching him get dressed each morning, and undressed each evening (often commenting on the uncomfortableness of the bra he wore, as he changed into his nightie) I put the final touches to my fiendish plan.
Sol:
"Shortly after this, Mistress told me that she wanted me to start wearing a bra 24 hours a day"
First, I was to buy some bras without underwires that would be comfortable enough to sleep in. I bought 3 pairs: The first was white, "Lovable" brand, with a row of pink hearts around the bottom strap. Stretchy and totally unstructured this is now my usual night-time bra.
"The other two pairs were slightly padded, A cup, with a little structure but no underwire, one white and one pink checked. These are my usual daytime bras, with my other two underwired bras for occasions when Mistress thinks I need to be a little less comfortable"
Ms160: I've been truly delighted with the results of this experiment. Although I will need to watch sol doesn't get too comfortable, having him wear a bra 24 / 7 has had all the effects I hoped. Sol in a bra is now a very common sight ... we often even keep his bra on during play:
And as his Mistress I am very pleased how the experiment has impacted on his submissive mindset. Here's sol on how he feels:
"So how does it feel ? The constant restriction around the chest is something I haven't yet really gotten used to - I'm not sure if I ever will. After all, I'm the kind of person who chooses their clothes for 3 things: comfort, comfort and comfort. I would imagine as a girl that the discomfort of a bra is compensated for by the support, and relief from having sensitive parts jarred and knocked. As a boy I get none of that, just the restriction.
"And the (potential) embarrassment. Living on the Northern NSW coast, I usually wear just a T-shirt to work (OK, for the pedants I also wear jeans, socks and shoes as well), and the outline of a bra-strap across my shoulders would raise an eyebrow or two. One of my bras has straps that can hook together at the back, and when they do, the straps run close enough to my neck that they could show if I sit the wrong way. Mistress says that no-one would notice, but just to be safe I've started wearing a sleeveless zip up vest over my t-shirt.
Ms160: Hmm, wondered why he'd started wearing those ... guess they'll vanish from his cupboard tonight *
grin*.
As with chastity play, we've discovered unexpected side effects of the 24/7 bra experiment:
"The unexpected experience was a feeling of mild gender dysphoria. With the tightness of the bra emphasising my chest, I am far more aware of that part of the body than ever before, and it makes me wish that I had breasts to fill the cups, nipples that might brush against the fabric. Not that I've ever been a particularly masculine man, and I do recall once in 5th grade writing that I wished I was a girl, but this is a definite feeling that I'm not complete and it's not happened to me before"
In March I asked sol to write an update:
We've added several new bras to my collection, a couple of plain black ones with some foam structure and no underwire, a pink floral underwire bra, and another unstructured bra for wearing at night:
"Interestingly, the unstructured bras that had initially seemed the most comfortable for daytime wear are not so comfortable. Because I don't actually have any boobs, they have a tendency to ride up over my nipples, and I'm constantly having to (discretely!) adjust them. My recent bra purchases have therefore been underwire bras, or the type with a well defined under-bust structure if they have no underwire.
"Being rather tall, I'm also finding that A-cup bras don't fit as well as C-cup and above: the larger cup sizes tend to have longer straps, which mean that they don't ride up as badly"
Sol's final thoughts on the experiment:
"It's now 6 months since I started wearing a bra 24 x 7, and while I'm constantly aware of it, I'm getting used to it. I don't feel fully dressed unless I have a bra on. It continues to do great things for my headspace: I'm constantly reminded that I have a Mistress who controls what I wear, and that I have to be careful at work to conceal my bra straps.
Photos: Ms160
