A little aftercare...

sublime63 receiving aftercare
after the aftercare workshop :)

On Sunday we held a Fetlife Northern NSW group munch at MistressTerra's Terratory, followed by an informal workshop on aftercare. I'd decided to run this after several members of the group raised drop and aftercare concerns with me.

About twenty five kinksters turned up at Terratory, on the Gold Coast, at lunchtime. MistressTerra did an extraordinary catering job, the tables were literally groaning with food:


We were greeted on arrival (and at various other times during the afternoon) with Mystress Rose's wonderful cocktails, made with different fruit sorbets and champagne:


As thebratisback noted later "Mystress Rose those cocktails were lush". Indeed. We were certainly well fed and watered. We'd had some serious dust storms recently, but the day, while windy, was sunny and warm. It was extremely pleasant sitting outside, catching up with old friends and making many new ones.

MistressTerra had kindly allowed the Xmas Present to attend. The XP was very well behaved, and managed to convince many guests, including whyterose who's foot you see here lol, to play ball:


We had sixteen people stay for the workshop, which we held outside (we were all too comfortable to move). First I asked how many people there had experienced drop (quite a few) and then checked kinky orientations - we had about half suffering from subdrop, the rest from Dom or top drop, and two switches present. I also asked if we had any online players present - we had two kinksters there who enjoyed Second Life. This was good because their enthusiasm encouraged other real timers to listen to their - and my - stories of cyber kink. Where I might add, aftercare is also important to keep in mind after play.

As I wrote in my Aftercare for Submissives post:

"Aftercare is one of the most important things you need to learn about BDSM. As Midori points out, aftercare may not be:

"as sexy a topic as say, double handed flogging, Master/slave protocols, suspension bondage, etc ... we know we need it, but we don't dwell on it. We treat it like flossing our teeth. "Yes, yes, we know"...

"Unfortunately the reality is that the presence or absence, timing, quality and sincerity of aftercare can make the difference between a fantastic scene and a miserable experience. It's as necessary as air or water; similarly vital, yet taken for granted until it goes missing or quality is degraded".

And this is so true. MistressTerra wrote later about the workshop that "it was relaxed yet informative and the chance to talk and share with others was one of the highlights of my day.", and this was what I was aiming for: getting other members of the group to share their drop experiences and discuss both what aftercare they might need, and what might help them avoid similar situations in the future.

I talked a bit about why I'd become interested in researching about drop and aftercare, and why I'd created the Aftercare posts in my BDSM for Beginners series and blog. I handed around copies of these posts, and also my Emergency Self Aftercare post, with a Reference and Online Resources list attached. If you are interested in learning more about aftercare here's some info on those posts, and what they cover:

Part 7 looks at aftercare for submissives, and addresses many questions readers have repeatedly sent to me:

• What exactly do terms like aftercare and subdrop mean?
  
• What does subdrop feel like?
• What does aftercare consist of?
  
• How do I work out my own aftercare needs?
  
• Is aftercare ever needed after online play?
  
• How do I make an aftercare kit?
• What do I do if I feel I need more aftercare than my Dom/me provides?

Part 8 explores aftercare for dominants:

• What is domdrop?
• What is top guilt?
• If my Dom/me needs aftercare, what do I do?
• Advice for fledging Dom/mes on "drop", guilt and aftercare
• Aftercare for D/s couples
  

Part 9 examines aftercare issues for switches:

• Do switches experience both types of 'drop'?
• Does "drop" worsen when switching occurs over a short time period?
• Switch health issues
  
• Practical aftercare issues
  
• Advice for newbie switches on "drop", guilt and aftercare

Part 10 provides instructions for emergency self aftercare

This final, much viewed post was written because there was a need for kinksters - both real time and cyber - suffering from drop after play. As I wrote at the beginning of the post:

"There are lots of reasons you are checking out this emergency post... Perhaps you are a sub who played real time with a Dom/me who was lousy at aftercare. Or you are a dominant or a switch who played with a sub who didn't realize tops need aftercare as well. Perhaps you have an online Master who doesn't think aftercare is required after online play - you on the other hand know from prior play experience that you need aftercare, and also sometimes experience subdrop. Or perhaps your normally supportive and experienced Mistress is unable to fulfill their usual "special time" due to unforseen real life commitments.

"These emergency aftercare instructions are for all of you - and anyone else who finds themselves alone and depressed, lost and sad after play. They are relevant to both online and realtime situations"

The Emergency Aftercare post has become one of the most popular on my blogs. I receive comments and thanks about it all the time. Even as I wrote this post today, there was a post from impnene in the Subdrop Clinic group I now moderate on Fetlife, who wrote "I found your Emergency Aftercare article in my time of need. Thank you ... I also want to thank you for the foresight of the link to the information in the introduction. Very easy to find is important when your brain isn't functioning". Another sub, alexa214 responded on the same thread a couple of months ago:

"@Mistress160 i just read the emergency self help aftercare information. Thank you so much! i am experiencing subdrop today and never really realized what it was. W/we are new to this lifestyle O/our play is becoming more intense over time - which is so amazingly wonderful, by the way. Because of the dynamics of O/our M/s relationship, there is usually not a lot of time for much aftercare. i have always thought i was fine when i leave my Master because i'm feeling pretty great (and so is He) immediately after. However, after reading these posts, it totally explains why given an hour or two afterwards (occasionally) i am super sleepy, LONELY and tearful. He is able to provide good communication, reassurance, support etc. for a short time via phone and has recently given me a ritual for when i get lonely that i was able to use today that helped too. i still needed the information you gave on how to better take care of myself (by myself) until our next meeting/communication. Thank you again!!!"

Another sub wrote to me "I am in tears as i write..but tears of relief. You have explained soo much of what im going through and i dont feel so isolated or insane...". I really can't express how pleased I am that the Emergency Aftercare post is proving useful.

After the workshop for those who stayed we had a practical application of aftercare. MistressTerra created a rope body harness for sublime63:


Then moved to her legs:


A blindfold and a little knife play followed:


And a little plastic wrap:


While we knew sublime was enjoying the scene, we kept a close eye on her and didn't keep the plastic on for long as we knew she suffered sometimes from claustrophobia. We kept up her liquids during the very short scene:


And removed the plastic and ropes quickly, while she drank an energy drink:


Then as she was cold we wrapped her in my aftercare blanket, which I'd brought to show people during the workshop, when we'd discussed what to put in your personal aftercare kit:


We then sat sublime down comfortably. Because she was suffering not only post scene chill but was cold from the night air, we added MistressTerra's pale blue blanket over her feet:


To be honest sublime hardly needed all this lol, but it was a good way to show you a bit more about aftercare!

It was 9pm - after more food - when sol and I finally left for home. We'd have stayed longer but it had been a long day and we had an hour and a half to drive home. MistressTerra later wrote:

"Thanks to everyone who came yesterday. It was wonderful to have you all here. Thank you to my kitchen, bbq and tarp helpers. You made the time leading up to kick off incredibly easier and less stressier. Especially sol, sublime, brat, bootie and baby bootie. Thank you thank you thank you. Huge thank you to Mystress Rose who makes the best champagne cocktails and to the lovelies who were always helping with cleanup."

And I'd like to thank all those helpers again, and also MistressTerra for such a great day.

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES
ABOUT DROP AND AFTERCARE:

Ms160's POSTS IN THE AFTERCARE SERIES:
BDSM for Beginners (part 7: aftercare for submissives)
BDSM for Beginners (part 8: aftercare for dominants)
BDSM for Beginners (part 9: aftercare for switches)
BDSM for Beginners (part 10: emergency self aftercare - instructions)

REFERENCES:
cc Before, During and After care
Chris M Aftercare
Cirrus Subdrop (thread on Literotica Forum June 2002 onwards)
Dreamscape subdrop (10 August 2006)
D/s Seekers Subdrop
Female Artists of Domination The Endorphin Levels in BDSM: a short primer on sending a subbie into hyperspace
Franklin Veaux What's with switching, anyway?
jade Bruising - how to prevent and treat it
Icky "Flipping the Switch: Exploring the Middle Ground in BDSM Play" (republished on this MDS thread)
Jersey Girl Aftercare
Dorothy Haden Aftercare (after D/s relationship breakup)
(pls note some parts of this article are not endorsed by Ms160)
Lord Saber Switches and BDSM
Maitre Pierre D/s lifestyle - switching
MasterMono Subspace and Subspace Drop
Midori Aftercare - Healing Better to Play Harder
(a longer version of this essay appears in Midori's book "Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink")
Mistress Steel Aftercare , Dominant Drop and Sub Rebound
Mrs Claudia Domme Guilt: when something goes wrong (post: 5 June 2007)
Ooooohhhhyesss Sub physiology: aftercare and sub drop
RavenMuse Reclaiming our morality (on domdrop and top guilt)
Richard Evans Lee Aftercare (post: 31 January 2006)
Sensual Sadist Aftercare for the dominant (post May 2007)
Sexslavealexa Subdrop - the unspoken cry for help and comfort (blog + comments on Alt.com thread Oct 2006)
Sir Real 10 ways to fight subdrop + BDSM Science (on drop related chemicals)
The journey Subdrop (post 15 August 2006)
Wikipedia - May 2007 entries on subdrop, aftercare subspace

Forums: Fetlife - Subdrop Clinic group

photos:
Ms160
with permission of scene players

Thank you:
a HUGE thank you to MistressTerra
for opening Terratory to
the Fetlife Northern NSW group :)
and to
to MistressTerra and sublime63
for scene and post scene photos

National Stocking Week: Day 4

sol wearing vintage pale pink silk French knickers,
camisole and matching garter belt with silk stockings with lace tops
for National Stocking Week Day 4
Day 5 will be on Sunday, when he wears something pretty
to the munch and workshop *grin*

National Stocking Week: Day 3

Sol wearing matching panties and bra embroidered with pink flowers,
with garter belt and pink fishnet stockings,
for National Stocking Week: Day 3.
The bra drove him mad, he kept having to remind
himself at work not to keep adjusting it!

National Stocking Week: Day 2

Sol in polka dot panties and matching garter belt,
with white stockings,
for Day 2 of "National Stocking Week"
Tomorrow he gets to wear a bra to work as well ...
why should poppet have all the fun?!

National Stocking Week (sort of): Day 1

After poppet shared his National Stocking Week experiences I did some googling. Apparently - depending on which site you read - either 19th October or 20th October has been designated National Stockings Day. There's even a Facebook page. It's a retail thing, but also has links to an important charity. I decided sol should definitely take part but THIS week ... and we'd stick with the week, rather than just a day.

He was getting dressed for work this morning in the leopard spot frilly panties I'd selected for him, when explained about National Stocking Day. He didn't have much time but we were able to find a white lace garter belt and black stockings for him:


Don't they look pretty?


His jeans and T shirt then followed:


The Xmas Present was delighted with the new frilly white thing sol was wearing, and offered him one of her favorite toys - a piece of fluffy white sheepskin that in another pre XP life was a sort of feather duster - to wear as well:


Stockings hidden by socks and jeans, sol headed for the door, the XP in tow:


After he left I dived into sol's forced feminization clothing box to find some more pretties for sol to wear for the rest of the week. AND the weekend, which includes a munch and a workshop LOL. There were several favorite items I know regular readers will enjoy seeing again. This was going to be fun. I promise to share the photos .... and an especially thank you to poppet and his lovely Owner!

(photos: Ms160)

What glows in the dark?!

The nice thing about having real time kinky friends is spending time with them...

Whyterose and I drove down to Canberra to stay with WyckedMystress last week. On the long drive Whyterose and I discussed alternative real time kinky social events to break the traditional munch / play party mode. Certainly we are doing things like Femdom tea parties and also high teas (where a small group of friends attend a gorgeous high tea establishment ... we have one next month at Mt Tamborine), formal dinners etc. But what else?

I mentioned there were some racing themed events planned for November - a picnic at Nostromo (naked servers, exquisite sandwiches and sweet things, lots of riding crops, some pony play) and a tea party at MistressTerra's (some really great things are planned and no I'm not sharing them). Whyterose then suggested we make the next formal dinner at her Dom's a murder mystery night. You know, one of those themed nights where one of the guests "dies" and the rest have to solve who did it. We then spent a very enjoyable hour discussing what type of kinky themes we could introduce.

First we discussed having a Story of O type event: a formal dinner at Roissy, all the serving subs dressed in Roissy style outfits. Mmmm. So who would we kill off? O? Nah. How about Pierre? Absolutely, that worked, we decided. We drove along for a while with this particular fantasy filling our minds... I was thinking of how to create Roissy style costumes. They are first mentioned on page 7:

"Two girls opened the door - two pretty young women costumed like eighteenth-century chambermaids, with long, light, puffy skirts that came to the floor, tight bodies that made the bust rise and swell and that were laced or hooked in back, gauze kerchiefs at the neck, wearing elbow-length gauze gloves to match. Their eyes and mouths were painted. Each wore a collar around her neck and bracelets on her wrists"

Then again on page 14:

"Over a whalebone bodice which severely constricted the waist, and over a starched linen petticoat, was worn an ample gown, the open neck of which left the breasts, raised by the bodice, practically visible beneath a light film of gauze. The petticoat and gauze were white, the bodice and gown a seagreen satin"

O herself is dressed a little later in the book, on page 29:

"Jeanne took the green satin bodice, the white petticoat, the gown, the green clogs and, having hooked O's bodice in front, began to lace it up tight in back. The bodice was stoutly whaleboned, long and rigid, something from the days when wasp-waists were in fashion, and was fitted with gussets upon which the breasts lay. The tighter is was drawn, the more prominently O's breasts rose, pushed up by the supporting gussets, and the more shapely upward her nipples were tilted. At the same time, as her waist was constricted, her womb and buttocks were made to swell out. The odd thing is that this veritable cuirass was exceedingly comfortable and, up to a certain point, relaxing. In it, one felt very upright, but, without one being able to tell just how or why unless it was by contrast, it increased one's consciousness of the freedom or rather the availability of the parts it left unencompassed"

Quite a few kinky designers have tried their hand at creating the Roissy look over the years. There is even an Odress website, for one company that sells their design online. MoDesign have even created a Dress of O - Chaste for Second Life:


If you are a Second Life person I definitely recommend investing in one. Meanwhile I was happy fantasizing about subs serving meals wearing them....

Then I thought of another idea. I mentioned to Whyterose that during a recent discussion I'd had with MistressTerra regarding our proposed November racing events she had admitted to a Gone With The Wind fetish. Ms160 and Whyterose agree that a Gone With The Wind themed mystery dinner, all the ladies in crinolines and parasols ... etc etc .. would be great fun. But who will kill off? Scarlett? Rhett? What about Ashley, says one of us, he was always the most irritating character. Right. Definitely Ashley.

We finally arrived in Canberra, and it was bliss to crash on a very comfortable bed at WyckedMystress's lovely home. The next evening, after an extremely good Italian meal, we all headed out to Fyshwick to check out the adult toy stores. I wanted to buy a cheap and nasty strap-on system, preferably with an attached dildo and harness. Why was I looking for this? Because these types of cheap harnesses don't work very well ... and it's a lot easier to show the problems they create, rather than describe them, in my "Everything You Want To Know About StrapOn Sex But Were Afraid To Ask" workshop.

I found exactly what I wanted: a large hard dildo permanently fixed to a couple of elastic straps that gave it hardly any support. And get this, it also glowed in the dark AND it vibrated! LOL.


I'd have fun showing how this didn't work well, on sol next weekend!

I then went in search of Femdom tea party game ideas. I had a particular item in mind that would work wonderfully at MistressTerra's tea party. As laughter issued from Whyterose and WyckedMystress who were examining toys around the corner, I wandered along the shelves. Yes! There it was! "Anal Ring Toss" !


And it was glow in the dark as well. I grinned, imagining the rings being used, a sub positioned with their ass up, the plug in place.... Was I going to be able to keep this in it's packet until the racing tea party? Or should I try it out on sol first?:


Tough decision...

On Thursday Whyterose and I did some vanilla shopping. I purchased some really lovely tea for MistressTerra as we are planning to stay at her place after Retribution next weekend. I also found some of the tiny torches I use on my strapon harness:


I was so pleased to have some more of those, before my next strap-on workshop. Mind you, with my glow in the dark dildo I might not need them!

Then while at Kingston we looked into the window of a very nice shop to see: absolutely classic frilly parasols. It's Gone With The Wind Dinner time! We checked them out and got all the details. The red one was especially perfect for MistressTerra, we thought.

Five minutes later, while I was introducing Whyterose to rose flavored Persian fairy floss in The Essential Ingredient, her mobile rang and it was MistressT. "Where your ears burning?", we asked, and then proceeded to tell her about our proposed Gone With The Wind evening. She was enthusiastic but it was the mention of murdering Ashley that sold her on the idea. He was always such a wimp we all agreed. Then we had an even better idea. How about - for a kinky component - we tortured Ashley DURING the party lol ... yup, that idea went down well. When I wrote to MistressT about it later she replied that we should kill him really slowly, with ingredients that included scalpels, vinegar, sea salt and fire ants!

There was a munch in Canberra on Thursday night but I had a flight. Whyterose dropped me at the airport. I took my carry on bag and laptop to security. I was just putting my laptop down on security conveyor belt the when the whole thing came to a halt. I looked up. Yep it was an x ray of my bag that was being studied by first two, then three ... then five security officers.

They looked up at me. I looked back and smiled politely. Were they going to risk asking me to open it?! I was going to have real problems not cracking up when they checked out the "Anal Ring Toss"

They looked back at the x ray. "I'm a sex educator", I said, "some friends took me to Fyshwick to buy some toys ... sorry, I should have warned you".

One of them shook his head. The young one, sitting down ... was he? ... yes he definitely WAS blushing! His older colleague was laughing, pointing at the seated young man. "He didn't know what it was!". "Oh I can explain in detail" I said, totally straight faced. The young man shook his head again. "Should I open the bag?". The head shaking was getting pretty severe. "Are you sure? They're easy to spot in the bag, they glow in the dark". The kid's eyes were wide open and very very bright. "Okay then, no problem, sorry to concern you ... thank you!".

Finally allowing myself to grin, I picked up my laptop and glow in the dark toys and headed for the sky....

Photos:
Ms160
MoDesign

Thank you:
MoDesign

Story of O

Fucking with a thigh harness...

Much to sol's delight I'm currently engaged in research for my "Everything You Wanted To Know About Strapon Sex but Were Afraid to Ask" workshop. Three weekends ago he got to experience a dildo gag, then last weekend it was Sax's Diva strapon harness. This weekend I decided it was time to explore what you could do with a thigh harness...

A thigh harness is what supports a dildo sitting on your thigh. As dildos do *grin*. They come in various materials (leather, rubber, wetsuit fabric etc) but similar designs featuring velcro or straps as a fastening mechanism. Have a look at InHerTube's product page for a very nicely designed one.

I mentioned thigh harnesses as one of many options in my BDSM for Beginners StrapOn Sex post, but there wasn't much more you could add about them. While online stores invariably feature one at least in their product range, and there are aa few porn videos that feature them (anyone for "Strap-on Sally 3: Thigh Harness Terror"?!) there's actually not much on the internet in terms of practical stuff ... like what to do with it once you've bought it. You have to read between the lines of online store info about their product. Which can be tricky. For example, XtoysUSA's website gushes:

"There are many kinds of harnesses on the market and one of the most exciting is this thigh harness. Youll be amazed at what happens when sensuality pops up in unexpected places. Let your thigh make lovers sigh! You can get many different dongs to use with this easy to use and comfortable harness. It looks great and feels great, what a fantastic way to add a little variation to your lovin"

Right. OK. But see what I mean? Not exactly useful in practical terms.

The Pleasure Spot tell us us their product allows "full body contact, new positions and new horizons of mutual pleasure. You and your partner can each strap on a Thigh Harness as a thrilling alternative to playing with a double dildo". sh-womensstore notes a thigh harness "offers an alternative to the hip-shaking bump & grind movement of a conventional strap-on harness and many women find operating a thigh harness easier, and sometimes more natural than a strap on harness on their hips". OK. Those descriptions give me a few ideas. What else?

Bondagethings adds that their product "allows you to be close and intimate while getting off". shopwiki writes of it's Lap Dancer Thigh Strap On: "Lap dances are great, but don`t you wish you could go a little bit further? ... Now you and your partner can bump and grind your way to ecstasy!" Hmmm. The fact that some of the stores suggest "you and your partner can bump and grind your way to ecstasy!" at the same time that others praise the product for "offer[ing] an alternative to the hip-shaking bump & grind movement of a conventional strap-on harness" makes me feel that not many stores have actually bothered to try their product out.

A couple of companies have, however, and they both sell designs they've created and tried. InHerTube I mentioned before, their product info is sensible and helpful: "comfortable, sturdy and very adjustable ... We also enjoy using this to strap a dildo to a chest, or a chair, or just about anything you can imagine" and add the proviso "if you want the flexibility to strap it onto a wide variety of things, we recommend you order the larger (thunder) size". Another sensible company is D.vice, who write of their Garter Harness:

"Thigh harnesses offer a range of differing positions, and are a great alternative to front strap-on action. Great for pony play, strapping onto a chair or the seat of a motorbike, the versatile thigh harness can be used in conjunction with the penis for double penetration and work well for those with limited mobility"

So with these more practical goals in mind we decided to try a thigh harness. We didn't have a store bought one (yet) but we did have some Vetwrap cohesive bandage (which sticks to itself):


And we had quite a few dildos. The two together we thought, might make a good harness. While we obviously couldn't do an actual product review we could - more importantly in a way - review the concept of fucking with a thigh harness.

We selected a large realistic dildo, we wanted something very firm. I made myself comfortable in bed, and positioned the dildo on my thigh while sol wrapped self adhesive bandage around it's base and my thigh:


The dildo's balls helped hold the dildo in position, and soon vanished under the bandage. The dildo looked very fierce indeed, jutting from my thigh:


I wiggled my thighs a bit. Yep it bent over a bit but stayed secure. God Bless Vetwrap!

Sol sucked my new cock for a while, then used his mouth to place a condom on it. Next he rolled the condom down further:


And then applied serious amounts of lube to the dildo and to his ass:


The next thing was position. If we stayed in bed what could we do? We decided to try fucking while spooning. I positioned sol on my right hand side, facing away, and had him draw his legs up towards his chest. I curled up behind him, moving my thighs against his. I then placed my left leg in a position that saw the dildo slide between his cheeks.

At this point I realized one of the problems of fucking in this particular position was that I could not see either his asshole or the top of the dildo. So I directed him to bring a hand around to help guide me in:


This worked. It was frustrating not being able to see the entry, but at least we'd achieved entry!

I moved the dildo slowly into sol, then came out entirely. I then relubed and began again. We find this coming out completely after a first nearly full thrust always works with sol. It seems to relax his muscles. The next entry I am able to stay in and begin to thrust. This I began to do:


I reached around to the front of sol and began playing with his cock.

This was enjoyable ... but it was hard bloody work for me, as I needed to lift and move my entire left leg to create thrusting movements. Every now and then I had to stop completely, to relax my leg. So we decided to change position.

I withdrew, and we turned sol on his back with a pillow under his ass. I then snuggled up to him again, this time with my thigh between his legs:


We relubed and then sol raised his legs to facilitate entry. We'd chosen a firm dildo but because of the length I kept a hand on the base to steady it while sol guided in the tip:


Once I was in we immediately agreed this was a better position. I could see more, and I was also able to give my leg extra thrust by placing my hand at the back of my thigh and pushing forward:


It was very frustrating not being able to feel the cock in sol, but he was enjoying himself so all was well. And being on his back, the front of sol's body was now much easier to reach. We lubed his cock and balls and, snuggled up to his side, I began to masturbate him ... while biting his nipples. It was not long before he asked permission to come.

His orgasm was a really tremendous one:


I withdrew the dildo. Sol quickly removed the condom and unwrapped the adhesive bandage. We wiped ourselves down, and curled up in bed to discuss how things went.

Obviously our own scene had been a first, and we'd kept things pretty straight forward. Our conclusion was while there is definitely a lot of potential in using a thigh harness, there are certainly both pros and cons involved. I decided to go through what the various online stores had to say about the product and compare their statements against my own findings.

Yes (and D.vice and InHerTube had noted) the thigh harness offers a range of differing positions and scenes. D.vice suggested "pony play, strapping onto a chair or the seat of a motorbike", InHerTube had suggested using it on the chest, and of course the Lap Dancer Thigh Strap On gives an indication of another way to use it! Thigh harnesses are certainly versatile. Yes, they provide a great alternative to front strap-on action, and yes, they have the potential to work well for those with limited mobility.

But you have to keep in mind many of those positions can be VERY strenuous. My left leg the next day felt like it had had a major workout - which it had - but my right leg was not nearly used as much. So I felt a bit unbalanced LOL.

D.vice notes that "many women find operating a thigh harness easier, and sometimes more natural than a strap on harness on their hips". Good point. I probably enjoy the classic style harness more because it allows me to see more, and I feel more in control in a standing position. I also like my partner in a subservient position. But on days when you just want to fuck without the kinky accutrements, and want to snuggle and be close (perhaps what BondageThings meant when they wrote the thigh harness "allows you to be close and intimate while getting off") then the thigh harness would definitely be an option.

I've of course been reviewing this as a female fucking her male anally. With this product there is also the female - female option. D.vice suggests the thigh harness can be used in conjunction with the penis for double penetration, while The Pleasure Spot confirms "You and your partner can each strap on a Thigh Harness as a thrilling alternative to playing with a double dildo". So these ideas are also worth exploring.

Would we do another scene with the bandage and dildo? Yes. Absolutely.

Would we buy an actual thigh harness? Yes. There's probably a couple of other things higher on the toy list at present but I can see us having one in the toy box soon. There are quite a few variations we'd like to try with it. And it will be interesting to review it's stability next to the Vetwrap!

If you want to buy a harness I suggest for rubber try InHerTube, for vinyl and leather styles try D.vice, and for other styles click on the Wild Secrets banner below:

(photos: Ms160)

Slings and things....

You might remember when I visited Sax Leather's workshop a few weeks back, I talked with Steve Sax about modifications to his portable leather swing / sling. It has always been a great product but he's been fine tuning the design. I also loved the fact it packs up into a very small space. I'd soooo love one of these things!

I was really pleased to get an email on their mailing list to say their September Special is "25% off any items from the S(A)X sex swing sling page". There are lots of great swing / slings and sling related items on that page as well as the portable swing, so if slings are your thing (or you'd like to spend five minutes looking at some nice toys ... they ship worldwide) do check out Sax's website during September. Or just click on the banner below:

(top photo: courtesy SaxLeather)

Lee Harrington - Sydney and Melbourne workshops

You might remember I told you about Lee Harrington's great audio programs a few months back. As I wrote then, Lee can be found online at his Passionand Soul website, who's exquisite logo you can see above:

"Welcome to the world of Lee Harrington: eclectic artist, spiritual and erotic educator, gender adventurer and published author on human sexuality and spiritual experience. Part of the international sex positive communities since 1995, his stories make people laugh while showing you that eroticism can be as serious, sexy, or silly as you make it, while challenging each of us to pursue our own erotic and spiritual authenticity. Lee's writings and photography (also under a previous pen/porn name, Bridgett Harrington) have appeared in numerous publications, and his image has been seen everywhere from PlayBoyTV to SkinTwo".

You'll find lots of interesting material on Lee's site.

The great news is Lee is coming to Australia and holding workshops in Melbourne in November and Sydney in December. If you'll forgive a xpost from _T_ on Fetlife:

On Behalf of Melbourne Leather, Dangerous-Curves and T_S we welcome the return of Lee Harrington to Australia: eclectic artist, spiritual and erotic educator, gender adventurer and published author on human sexuality and spiritual experience. Part of the international sex positive communities since 1995, his stories make people laugh while showing you that eroticism can be as serious, sexy, or silly as you make it, while challenging each of us to pursue our own erotic and spiritual authenticity.

Lee will tell us his story at an elegant opening of his down under tour at the beautiful Blue Door Gallery at Gasworks Arts Park 21 Graham Street Albert Park Victoria Australia

Opening Night Tickets $30.00. All other workshops are $55.00.

Limited numbers to all workshops in Melbourne and Sydney.

Please go check out the wonderful workshops on Fet Events,

Book early to avoid disappointment as tickets are limited

Beverages and Finger Food provided. Melbourne Tickets obtained from: http://www.gasworks.org.au/ or Phone +61(0) 3 96993253

“Lee Tells His Story” $30.00 Food and Alcohol Supplied. Blue Door Gallery at the Gasworks Arts Park. 21 Graham Street Albert Park Melbourne Victoria * All workshops $55.00 per head

Melbourne - November Venue: Gasworks Arts Park: Garden Studio. 21 Graham Street Albert Park Melbourne Victoria Australia

Rope sex Saturday 28th 2pm to 4pm

Kama Sutra Bondage Saturday 28th 5pm to 7pm

Take my Breath away Sunday 29th 2pm to 4pm

Open Hearts, Open Minds Exploring Alternative Relationships Sunday 29th 5pm to 7pm

Melbourne - December

What’s leather got to do with it? Friday 11th 7pm to 9pm

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Saturday 12th 2pm to 4pm

Playing between the ears Saturday 12th 5pm to 7pm

Sacred Kink Sunday 13th 2pm to 4pm

Beyond Bowed heads Sunday 13th 5pm to 7pm

Sydney - December Venue: Birthing Rites: 10 Denison Street. Bondi Junction. Sydney NSW Australia

Kama Sutra Bondage Friday 4th 7pm to 9pm

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional Saturday 5th 12pm to 2pm

Take my Breath away Saturday 5th 3pm to 5pm

Sacred Kink Sunday 6th 12pm to 2pm

Open Hearts Sunday 6th 3pm to 5pm

For more understanding on the workshops please visit Lee’s website www.passionandsoul.com

Melbourne Tickets are purchased from: www.gasworks.org.au Or Phone: +61 (0) 3 9699 3253

Sydney Tickets purchased from: +61 (0) 419 531 988 loz@ozonline.com.au Private sessions: Please call +61 (0) 419 531 988 for appointments

Proudly sponsored by Transformed Self & Dangerous Curves Productions and Melbourne Leather.

Proceeds to go to Transformed Self Scholarship Fund.

(logo: Lee's website)

Update: new blog location, new email, new forums...

Regular readers: you might need to update your bookmarks as we've moved Mistress160's Abode from blogger to Mistress160.com. The rest of the new website will be up soon, with lots of interactive areas *grin*.

Close friends: my email has also changed, let me know if you haven't been informed of the new one.

Domme Friends: the new forum is looking good (lovely to see old friends :)! ) ... drop me a line for an invitation and come join us. New Dommes especially welcome.

Past and present students: the Student Forum and chatrooms are now up and running. Again drop me a line for details on how to join. I have real time workshops on the Gold Coast in September and in Melbourne in October, see my Fetlife profile or the Student Forum calendar for more details.