Ms160's birthday weekend (Part 1: tea party)

paddy the tray serves cake

Sol and I spent my birthday weekend at Mistress_Angelicca and paddy's home.

We did our usual trick of driving north across the border on Friday night, leaving the Xmas Present at a friend's farm to run riot with the local hounds (when we picked her up on Monday she was hoarse from all the barking!).

We attended a candle party on the Friday night - Mistress_Angelicca sells the most gorgeous candles, not bad for wax play either - then on Saturday morning Rastas, my favorite kinky first aid adviser, dropped by for a brief visit. We discussed a few seriously sadistic ideas. He checked out my quills and declared them safe for play, so all is proceeding well on that front. The remainder of the morning was spent shopping with Mistress_Angelicca for the rest of the day's events.

First up, on Saturday afternoon, was the second Mad Hatter's Tea Party femdom group tea party. The first tea party had a CFNM theme, and we all enjoyed that so much that Mistress_Angelicca held another one :). This time we had a larger group of guests AND a larger group of servers, most of whom were new to tea party service. It's always good to see new faces. Thank you to all the Ladies who shared their boys, especially Satet, who was unable to attend but allowed slutboi to serve.

First the servers had to endure our fiendish inspection *grin*:


Don't they look pretty? Originally we just checked crotch, hands and teeth:


But we've now learned to check other parts as well:


I must admit slutboi's white satin and frilly apron (see above) won the Apron of the Day award. It was so sweet, and I loved the satin bow at the back.

This is one of my favorite photos of the day:


Then it was time for the guests to settle into Angelicca's lounge room, with it's raging fire (to keep the naked servers warm!). Unusually for femdom tea parties Mistress_Angelicca invites Ladies of all kinky orientations. As long as their dominant or owner's permission is given, female subs are equally welcome. This has proved very successful at both Mad Hatter events. It does tend to change the conversation topics a bit - widens it from just domming lol - but I really enjoy seeing female subs being waited on by naked men ... they need relaxing and pampering as much as anyone.

Once we were all seated, Angelicca explained to the Ladies that their drink order was to be written onto paddy:


Serving drinks took some time because four of the Ladies forgot to write their names with their drink order. I'm sure they didn't forget their names on purpose...


Below LadyNef instructs tntnikki's squishie on how to personally serve her drink, on bended knee, the drink presented with both hands:


After the drinks were served, each server presented himself in front of the Ladies, answered a few questions and removed their apron. You have to agree we had some marvelous bodies to enjoy:


Devilwoman had the bright idea of writing the server's names on their bodies, along with their owner's names and any hard limits:


While the servers were presenting themselves, paddy did a round of the room as a tray:


Everyone was enjoying themselves and there was much conversation and laughter.

In all honesty, service at this tea party was a tad disorganized. In fairness this was in part due to the fact there was a great deal of food in the kitchen for the play party dinner that night, and that workspace for tea party food preparation was compromised. Also paddy as service manager had a large group of new servers to instruct, and very little time to do it, both before the tea party and during it, when he himself was required in the main room (rather than the kitchen) to perform other services (queening / being a tray etc). The result was that several food items (including the ones sol and I had brought) never made it to the Ladies, and at least two Ladies had to ask for their first drinks three times. In the second round of drinks the servers also required a lesson in how to make hot chocolates, with their first attempts being sent back to the kitchen.

Things came to a head when during the second round of drinks LadyNef was served with a chipped mug. She was not a happy rabbit. Lady Nef summoned all the servers and delivered a speech on proper femdom service. The servers listened carefully.

She then administered punishments. For serving her the chipped mug squishie was told to kiss her feet and apologise:


Then she asked who had made her drink, and thus selected the chipped mug. Sol came forward (he is wearing the cuffs in the photo above). She told him his was a greater error. That he was a more experienced submissive and server and should have known better. He was told to apologise and kiss her feet ... and also mine, as he had also let his Mistress down by his behavior.

Finally she summoned paddy, who was in charge of the service team. She gave him several cane strokes as he should not have let the cracked mug be used:


Conversation - and somewhat more focused service - resumed. Soon it was foot baths and massage time. Practically all the guests indulged. The entire room became very quiet as each Lady relaxed and enjoyed the attention:


It was all too quiet for Devilwoman, who decided to liven things up by providing a little sensation play for one of our terrific new servers, as he washed and massaged tntnikki's feet:


Then it was nail polish time. Below slutboi does the honors:


While conversation and various activities continued, Mistress_Angelicca enjoyed some time on the queening chair with paddy servicing her:


Slutboi had been very cheeky all afternoon ... so below Devilwoman places him in one of her nefarious contraptions:


This certainly made serving tricky!

Luckily slutboi was saved when suddenly we noticed the time. It was quite late in the afternoon and time to draw the tea party to a close ... but no problem we could all resume our various activities in a few hours at Mistress_Angelicca and paddy's play party!

INTERESTED IN FEMDOM TEA PARTIES?

• You can read about this history of Femdom tea parties on this blog post, which also contains a great online resources section.
• Want to attend one? There are several active worldwide Femdom tea party groups on Fetlife. Ms160 runs one.
• Want to attend these ones? Ms160 started the Mad Hatter's Tea Party Group, a Northern NSW / Southern QLD Femdom tea party group with Mistress Angelicca. The next tea party will be in August. If you'd like to attend as either a guest or a server please contact Ms160 or Mistress Angelicca via Fetlife.
• Want to learn how to serve or host one? Ms160 regularly holds workshops in tea party organization, server selection and training. The next workshop will be in Melbourne in August. If you can't get to a workshop but want more info on how to hold a tea party (including how to select servers) drop Ms160 a line via Fetlife or in the Comments below.

Thank you:
to our weekend / party hosts
Mistress_Angelicca and paddy
a HUGE thank you :)
Also
to all the guests
and especially
to all our servers!

Photos:
Ms160
reproduced with permission

Snuggle party?? It may be just what you need...

CBS 25 Oct 2005

So there I was having a quiet brunch with my friend MisLis (aka Cupcake Goddess as she is known in this household) and she says she's about to attend a snuggle party. "A what???!!" says Ms160. Did I mishear? Was this a new type of Femdom tea party or something?

MisLis then explained, and I thought "hmmm ... okay this is a vanilla activity but it's something that might be of interest to my readers. I'll do some research". And so I did. And guess what, readers, I discovered that kinksters need the odd cuddle too!

Of course "odd" may be the operative word there, but a quick google search shows that the cuddle / snuggle party phenomenon is taking over the Western world. It's even been on the news. In fact being on CBS in Oct 2005 (see the "hot cuddle party" story title CBS photo at top of post) may have made terrific publicity for the original creators of Cuddle Party but it also caused endless hassles. As one of them said later "All that time we've spent in the last year and a half, convincing people Cuddle Party is not an orgy? Allllll down the tubes tonight."

With that "hot cuddle party" headline they were certainly doomed, LOL. But despite orgy seekers turning up now and then, cuddle / snuggle party organizations have continued to be created to meet the needs of deprived snugglers - of which YOU may be one. So let's check out cuddle / snuggle parties in case they can provide something you need...

The words cuddle and snuggle evoke childhood memories of touch, don't they? And you'll find many different variations of the two words being used online ("Cuddle Party", "Snuggle Party", "Snuggly Pajama Party" etc etc) to describe very similar events - either identical to the original Cuddle Parties created by Reid Mihalko, or with minor variations (Love Coaching who organized MisLis' first Snuggle Party in Sydney, state on their website that "Snuggle Parties are a close cousin to Cuddle Parties (with a few extra fun things thrown in the mix)").

So let's look at where the whole thing started. Wiki says:

"Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, a pair of self-described "relationship coaches" in New York City, founded Cuddle Party in New York on February 29, 2004. According to their website, the events were initially created for friends who were too intimidated to attend Mihalko's informal massage workshops. Upon publication of the Cuddle Party website:


the events were opened to the general public, and, thanks to a swarm of media attention, became a phenomenon in New York"

You can read some of those media articles in the References and Online Recourses section below. So what IS a cuddle party? Back to Wiki:

"A cuddle party is an event designed with the intention of allowing people to experience non-sexual group physical intimacy through cuddling. Cuddle parties are described by organizers as "workshop/social-events" that gives adults an opportunity to "give and receive welcomed affectionate touch in a no-expectation, friendly setting, according to your needs, desires, interests, and boundaries...

"in order to meet the demand for Cuddle Parties in other cities, Mihalko and Baczynski began a training and certification program in January 2005, and have since trained a number of individuals to facilitate Cuddle Parties in various cities ... events have occurred across the United States, including New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Montgomery, Boston, Minneapolis, Chapel Hill, and Kansas City; and abroad reaching Toronto, London, and Melbourne".

And now Sydney.

So what are the ... er ... rules of play?


Here are the rules from CuddleParty.com:

WHAT TO WEAR: Pajamas - nothing too risqué. Think more comfy than sexy. (More drawstrings, less lace! No shorts.)

WHAT TO BRING: A pillow or stuffed animal if you like. Juice or sparkling cider is always welcome. Sorry, no liquor folks. Otherwise, just bring your smiling self.

STICK TO THE RULES:

1. Pajamas stay on the whole time.
2. You don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
3. You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
4. If you're a yes, say YES. If you're a no, say NO.
5. If you're a maybe, say NO.
6. You are encouraged to change your mind anytime you want.
7. Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
8. Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
9. Tears and laughter are both welcome.
10. Respect people's privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties and do not gossip.
11. Arrive on time.
12. Be hygienically savvy

Need more info?

Most of the cuddle party sites feature an extremely good FAQ page, which was written by the original facilitators. However because some sites don't list all the questions on that FAQ list, it's worth going back to read the original list here. Which I might add includes the tricky question of how to deal with erections at cuddle parties *grin*

I'm sure you can imagine how some people enjoy taking the piss out of these events. This is my favorite, on Gawker:

Today we spotted the story of a single 20-something New York City girl bravely encountering what must be the most horrifying new trend: cuddle parties. Seriously. Invented by a man who calls himself REiD Mihalko (no, seriously), at cuddle parties people get together and, obviously, cuddle -- they set "boundaries" and they do "safe roleplaying" and then they "cuddle." Let's do some healthy roleplaying of our own:

Your friend says: "I'm hosting a cuddle party. Will you come?"
You say: "Go fuck yourself, you ridiculous California-damaged ninny."

Your friend says: "I wish you wouldn't be so judgmental and hostile. Cuddle parties are about sharing and intimacy!"
You say: Nothing, because hopefully you'll never speak to them again"

There has been some criticism directed at cuddle party franchizing. One blogger noted, re training facilitators:

"I think the idea of cuddle parties is so cute and fun, so I checked out their website. They have it GOING ON, for $500 you can attend a cuddle party and learn what it’s all about OR for $1000 you can become certified in cuddling. OMG. And it’s $200 a year to stay certified. So they have basically taken cuddling and turned it into a franchise. Slick. This recession sure will make people get creative in ways to create income..."

You can read an interesting post about the franchising viewpoint here. But to attend, most parties charge about $20. So it costs the same as attending a play party.

What sort of people go?

A complete cross section of the community, I'd imagine, rather like kinksters. It's not a singles event as such, but as the CuddleParty website notes "Singles in particular seem to flock to Cuddle Parties, because they are a safe, fun, and non-alcoholic way to meet other people". True, and to paraphrase my friend MisLis below these events provide a safe, sane and consensual way to access the touch that's missing in many lives. Unless parties are same sex they are also gender balanced. I think parties usually have 10 to 20 attendees. They are also excellent for people feeling isolated by illness or disabilities, as Camilla Andersson reported:

"Deborah*, 44, decided to go to cuddle parties because her disability, fibromyalgia, a chronic disorder resulting in pain and fatigue, has lead to increasing isolation from society. After she developed the syndrome 15 years ago, she started to withdraw from the community activism she used to participate in, resulting in increased isolation. She has been to two parties, partly because of the need to break her isolation, partly because she has always taken care of others, whether in the role of a mother or an activist, and she needed some pampering herself. "The cuddle parties appealed to me because it seemed like a place where I could get a bit more physical attention, get a little bit touched," Deborah says.

"During her latest visit in the middle of November, Deborah was clear about what she wanted. In the welcome circle, she told the other participants about her need to be pampered and that she really enjoys when someone brushes her hair. Almost immediately after the welcome circle, a woman approached Deborah, sat down behind her and started brushing her hair softly. "I felt really rejuvenated. It was exactly what I needed," says Deborah, who had gone through a few stressful weeks before the party. "It's up there with things like meditation and yoga. It's very healing."

I mentioned same sex parties a while back. When cuddle parties first started in New York in 2004 Greg Bensinger wrote that "also in the [planning stages] are themed cuddle parties, like ones for the gay and lesbian community, seniors and women only. "All the cuddlemonsters are coming out of the closet," said Mihalko".

These themed / community specific parties have certainly taken off since then.

As have cuddle parties organized by kinksters. In fact the one MisLis attended was also facilitated by a kinkster: Flame, on Fetlife, who I know from the Sydney scene. There is also a Fetlife group for kinksters interested in cuddles and these parties: Cuddle Sluts.

So how do you find one? Check CuddleParty.com for places in the US. The site also shows you how to become a facilitator and hold your own parties. Here in Australia you can attend parties with several different groups / facilitators, like CuddlePartyOz.com:

And Love Coaching who organized MisLis' first Snuggle Party in Sydney. You can find Love Coaching's snuggle party page here. I've never been to a cuddle / snuggle party so I can't personally recommend one facilitator over the other ... but on the other hand I'm completely biased towards supporting kinksters, LOL. So why not try Love Coaching's parties first, as you will meet Flame from Fetlife who comes highly recommended by MisLis.

Which brings us to MisLis' report on attending a Snuggle party. This is already a very long post, but I am going to quote this report in full because it's so interesting and well written. I must add that MisLis checked the report with Flame prior to sending it to me, to make sure no party attendees' confidentiality was breached.

Enjoy!:

"A few weeks ago, I attended my first ever Snuggle Party.

"It's an interesting thing for someone like me to commit to. I like to keep interpersonal touch in public to an absolute minimum. I have an acute sense of personal space. Music festivals are my idea of hell played to an awesome soundtrack. Attending a structured function that includes deliberate touching of me and other people? It seemed ludicrous!

"But when I saw the Snuggle Party promoted, I was instantly curious. I love kooky new experiences, and this would certainly be something to push me out of my comfort zone. Plus it sounded like a really healthy thing to do. So I booked myself in, and started telling everyone I knew about this wild, crazy thing I was going to do. Safe, sane and consensual public touching.

"Snuggle Parties, and their cousins, Cuddle Parties, are gatherings of people who just want to get together and share some good old-fashioned non-sexual touch. The cuddle equivalent of Dungeon Masters are on hand, to make sure that everything is kept comfortable and under free-flow control. Participation in everything is completely voluntary.

"So on a quiet Sunday night, I strapped a pillow and a blanket to the old scooter-beast, packed my pajamas and ventured east to Snuggle Central. Earlier that morning, over breakfast with a friend it had finally hit me: I was going to do something that was completely outside my comfort zone. I ignored the fear and ploughed on anyway.

"On arrival, I was greeted by a friendly chap, removed my shoes, signed in, and changed out of my bulky gear and into some comfy pajamas. The venue was warm and cozy, but I was glad to have brought socks. Immediately I was struck by the feel of the room and the sense of spiritual broadmindedness that was already bouncing around.

"I have to say, the facilitation is actually what made this event so successful. As a group we discussed and agreed to confidentiality for every participant, so I don't want to go into too much detail about what actually happens. But we did spend some time discussing some really interesting topics; we had a 'mini-workshop' on learning how to say no, and yes, asking for exactly what you want, and enjoying the present. And that's just what I got out of the session, but I suspect what you get from it depends on your own personal circumstances. (Gush some more: that sort of learning is gold dust!)

"But onto snuggling!!

"While it took me a little while to warm up, I found myself purring like a pussycat not long after. I was the lucky giver and receiver of touch. There were some really wonderful, compassionate people in the room. It felt strange to be engaging in what I would normally consider to be foreplay, in a non-sexual context (another revolutionary, but extremely healthy concept!) By the end of the night, all my personal space boundaries had been broken down. I had let someone touch my feet. I was happily snuggled in a little corner, a small Lis sandwich, finally relaxed and free to spend time thinking about my breathing and able to enjoy the moment.

"I left, and performed a quick survey of myself: how was I feeling after that intense encounter? I had a mild endorphin high and felt fulfilled, without being aroused. I felt like eating a square of chocolate, but that might be unrelated to the Snuggle Party. :) All in all, some pretty positive feelings and so I gave the night a thumbs up - it was well worth doing.

"Would I go again? I would, especially if I was feeling a bit touch-starved. Apparently we need seven hugs a day to get our daily dose of human touch, and I certainly am nowhere near that close! I definitely recommend it to everyone as something to try at least once, whether you are into touch or not.

"The next Snuggle party will be held in Sydney on 11th July. If you are in town, and are even the slightest bit curious you should book yourself in!"

REFERENCES AND
ONLINE RESOURCES:

Of interest:

• MisLis' new blog is here.
• The next Sydney snuggle party party facilitated by Flame is 11 July - you can read about it on Fetlife here.
• Interested in a party in Brisbane? Cuddle Party Oz suggests you contact Andrew at andrew@therapeuticarts.edu.au.
• Looking for parties in other parts of the planet? Start here at CuddleParty.com.
• Interested in these parties and all things cuddly and snuggly? Join Fetlife's Cuddle Sluts group.

Articles:
Camilla Andersson "Snuggle Opportunities for the Cuddle Deprived Whether you need a hug or some afternoon spooning, cuddle parties will provide it for you" November 20, 2005
Gred Bensinger "Gimme a hug! The 'Cuddle Party' is New York's newest feel-good-about-yourself fad" New York Daily News July 11, 2004
Gawker "Bad Trend Alert: Cuddle Parties" Mon Apr 19 2004
Christina Troup "Snuggling finds a safe party" Oakland Tribune , May 31, 2005
WIKI on cuddle parties
Bloggers:
Cuddle parties, reform and revolution
Cuddle party - my thoughts
The Good, The Bad and The Cuddly Prepping for my first-ever Cuddle Party (in New Jersey!)

Videos:
A "Snuggly Pajama Party" can be viewed here on Facebook
Some YouTube cuddle parties here

Photos:
Google photos of cuddle / snuggle parties here

Thank you:
to MisLis for sharing her experience :)

photos:
Cuddleparty.com
CuddlepartyOz.com
CBS via apictureofme.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_archive.html

Ms160 has a birthday munch...

Ms160sSecretPet and Ms160

Thank you to all our Fetlife Northern Rivers group friends, new and old, who braved the wet wilds of Northern NSW yesterday to join me for my birthday munch.

About thirteen of us met in Nimbin at Muzzavitch's favorite cheeseburger (he ate two of them, the oinker) cafe, which turned out to be a safe dry spot on a very rainy winter afternoon. Thank you so much to everyone who brought me a present - as I wrote on Fetlife that side of things was a totally unexpected treat and you all gave me such amazingly thoughtful gifts :). And Ms160sSecretPet also brought me a cupcake birthday cake. What more could a birthday Domme desire?!

It was good to catch up with everyone's news, and to make new friends. Some serious traveling was done by several attendees ... including MistressTerra and Mystress_Rose, who got lost and drove practically to the Victorian border before a phone call from BlackPrince put them back in the right direction! One bit of really interesting news: between cheeseburgers *grin* Muzza told us he's doing a new show on latex on Nimbin's community radio on Wednesday nights. I'll find out more details and pass them on.

The conversations I'll remember most from the munch revolved around kinky boots. We certainly kept the tables round us agog as various thigh high styles appeared...

It's rare to have kinky gear or toys at a munch, but we were encouraging Ms160sSecretPet to attend her first play party, and were discussing what she should wear. As we teased her (she blushes so nicely) whyterose and I revealed our footwear fetish as we handed Pet a variety of boots to try. The group decided these pink thigh high ones (to be worn with a little schoolgirl outfit) were best:


But the boot thing didn't stop there. After the munch sol and I ran into whyterose, MistressTerra and Mystress Rose, who'd been shopping - and unbelievably whyterose had bought the most amazing pair of scarlet and black thigh high boots in a Nimbin store!!! As MistressTerra wrote to me later "I wouldn't have picked Nimbin as fetish central!". Me, either. And to add insult to injury they were in my size ... sigh!

Nimbin also lived up to it's reputation. MistressTerra wrote on Fetlife later "one of the highlights for Mystress Rose and myself was finally being approached to buy some pot. We were stoked. We didn't purchase any but we did want to be asked". *Ms160 snorts*.

The next Fetlife Northern Rivers group munch will be in late July.

Photos:
MistressTerra

Ms160 explores the art of Quilling

This post is part of the
Body Modification Series
and Edgeplay Series.
Please don't read it if you are not
interested in learning about:
needle play
temporary piercings
play piercings

"The huntress' prey kept his eyes closed and his body still ... The next moment he was in utter agony, his back lifting off the ground in furious pain and fear as far as his body could go, straining against the stakes. What had the woman done to him? Was he now gelded?

"The huntress calmly inserted a second porcupine quill into the soft hairless skin of the prey's balls. The quills had entered cleanly, with little blood. She waited until the agony of the prey receded and his body became less taut before inserting a third, then a fourth ... one quill after another until her personal pattern formed. It burned, it stung! The prey's mind was fire and ice, but he still uttered no sound..."

The text above is from a hunt and capture story I wrote a while back, when I first became interested in quilling. I wasn't sure if I could ever recreate the scene I was describing - or whether such a scene was even possible - but the idea of using quills sure turned me on...

What's quilling, you ask? It's a form of edgeplay, a type of temporary play piercing, where real porcupine quills are used instead of needles.

I became interested in exploring quilling after seeing porcupine quills used in North American Indian traditional crafts, and echidna spines used in Aboriginal art. I loved the juxtaposition of beauty and danger that quills represented, and I got rather hot and bothered about the idea of doing something sadistically kinky with them. Thus the story above. I'll let you read the rest sometime.

Let's back up there a moment. What's an echidna, you ask?


Here's Wiki:

"Echidnas are small mammals that are covered with coarse hair and spines. Superficially they resemble the anteaters of South America, and other spiny mammals like hedgehogs and porcupines ... They live in New Guinea and Australia, and are named after a monster in ancient Greek mythology."

Echidnas are much beloved here in Oz for their eccentric, unpredictable and endearing behavior. Since this is a sex blog lol you might also like to know that "male echidnas have a four-headed penis, but only two of the heads are used during mating. The other two heads "shut down" and do not grow in size. The heads used are swapped each time the mammal copulates". And I simply have to share this with you:

"During the Australian winter, as many as a dozen males form slow-moving mating trains, shuffling silently along in a lethargic parade led by a pheromone-emitting female. Trains can persist for more than a month, with males dropping out and rejoining, according to Rismiller, who first observed this behavior in detail. A receptive female may end up clinging to a tree trunk with her forelimbs while the males dig a circular trench around the tree as deep as ten inches. (Like crop circles, these tree trenches had mystified Australians for years.) The males then compete [non aggressively] for mating honors"

So there you go, today you have learned something new and completely unexpected!

Echidnas are a protected species in Australia. As I mentioned above I had come across their spines being used by a small handful contemporary Aboriginal artists. I'm not going to name them because they probably wouldn't appreciate their names turning up in a kinky sex blog, but I hope I may be forgiven reproducing the image below to show you the exquisite type of things they create:



Other local artists have come to use this media via their interest in the natural environment. I have a friend who is one of the rare few to be granted a government department licence to collect echidna spines and utilize them in her art. Whenever I see her work, with all it's sharp spines, it does my kinky little head in. I hope she will also forgive me showing you this work in progress:


The possibilities of these beautiful quills was tremendous, so I asked my artist friend if I could possibly take some of her spare quills home with me. She very generously gave me about two hundred quills. My evil little mind went into overdrive....


Mistress Norische has noted "the art of quilling ... has been around for ages, unfortunately however it seems to be a lost art". This is absolutely true. I'd first encountered quilling in Maria Beatty's 2006 film "Mask of Innocence", in which a beautiful girl (played by Zille) is kidnapped by a mysterious feminine predator (Midori). During her "torture" she is subjected to tickling, spanking, whipping, erotic breast torture, fire-play and finally a play piercing scene done with porcupine quills on her pubis:


You can download a free trailer here. The quilling scene looked extremely hot to me, but when I went looking for info online or other kinksters who practiced quilling, I came up against a brick wall.

Some people had heard of the technique, others had not and were fairly horrified by the idea - when I raised the topic of locating quills on Fetlife (here and here) one male dominant arrogantly told me "As for using them in a BDSM situation. I would NOT ... DON'T use them unless someone wants exterme pain". Who was this idiot, I remember thinking at the time ... was he unaware he was supposed to be a Dom?? Extreme pain sounded great to me! With the exception of Midori (who very kindly offered to send me some porcupine quills from the US) and one or two kinksters on Fetlife no one had tried it or knew much about it. My friend Rastas is helping me do some research...

Luckily Norische decided to redress the lack of info issue. Her essay "Get To The Point: Basics of Quilling (With Real Porcupine Quills)" is the only article online that explains "safety issues, basic information on and use of porcupine quills"). You might remember I quoted another terrific essay by Norische in my BDSM For Beginner's post about figging, and she has very kindly allowed me to reproduce her quilling article here.

So the first question is: are we talking about using real quills here? Absolutely. Here's Norische:

"The quills I am speaking of do indeed come from a porcupine. The majority of porcupines used are born and raised in captivity, the quills are harvested by throwing a towel over the porcupine, when the towel is removed any quills that stick to the towel are harvested for a wide variety of used. This procedure does no harm to the porcupine, in fact by removing the loose quills it encourages the growth of strong new quills.

"There are two kinds of quills, the common American porcupine quill and the large African porcupine quill. The type that I will be referring to in this article will be the American porcupine quills. This type of quill ranges in size from 1 to 3 inches although they may be found slightly larger. They are normally white with a brown tip, although they can be dyed a wide variety of colors. The brown tip is barbed and allows the quill to stay secure once the barb has penetrated skin; it is also these barbs that will work the quill deeper into the skin once in place."

I'd always been a bit concerned about the barbs, but much to my delight I discovered that echidna "spines have little in common with a porcupine's quills. Echidna spines lack barbs and are never thrown from the body". You can see some of mine below:


This was good news for future kinky play. And apparently South African porcupine quills are similar, according to Kindred_Dom: "the quills of a North American porcupine are barbed and are designed to embed themselves under the flesh whereas South African porcupine quills ate not barbed, are longer, and are much safer to use when playing".

So where do you purchase quills? Well to be honest here in Oz it's not easy because the species is protected. Which is why my artist friend needed a license to acquire and use them, and her primary source is (sadly, for the animals) roadkill. But porcupine quills are much easier to obtain:

"Quills can be purchased from a wide variety of retailers, leather shops and craft shops may carry quills or they may know where they can get them"

On Fetlife Indian craft stores were recommended, as well as online stores like Angelfire and Naturallist. There are also many, many sellers who list them on Ebay. Norische warns:

"When you purchase quills sight unseen you may get a package of unsorted, unclean and even unusable quills. I have gotten a package of quills that were almost completely unusable, although the add stated they had been cleaned and sorted, the quills were filthy, there were guard hairs, grass, and lint in the bag with the quills, and most of the quills were too delicate to risk using"

I totally agree with Norische, I've spent hours sorting quills, only to find as Kindred_Dom did that "you will spend a lot of time sorting through and throwing out 95% of them". If you decide to buy on Ebay you might like to read this Ebay Review How to Buy African Porcupine Quills Online guide.

Norische goes on to discuss safety tips - read these carefully!:

Quills naturally have an oily irritant on them that is present before they are properly cleaned, so use caution. Do not rub your face, eyes, or other sensitive area while handling the unprepared quills.

Although it is rare, some people can be allergic to the oil on the quills. Even after a proper cleaning some oil may still be present, so make sure you do a test set of two or three quills on someone’s arm before doing a full spread of quills.

Quills are very sharp so handle them with they same care you would handle needles. Using tweezers, clamps or other tools may be best until you get used to handling the quills.

Always assume that the quills have not been cleaned when you get them, and do not use them until they have been properly cleaned.

Quills do pierce the skin, therefore be sure to take all precautions and play safe, some blood may be present.

Do not use the same quill twice, even if you are using it on the same person. Quills are hollow; blood, sweat, and other contaminants may remain within the quill even if you have cleaned it.

Once the quill is in place do not tap the end, even tapping it by mistake may cause extreme pain when not intended.

Make sure to sterilize the skin surface prior to using quills, also clean the skin once again after you have removed the quills, personally I use alcohol to clean the area.

Make sure to secure the recipient of the quills prior to starting to play. He or she may move quickly or without meaning to cause unnecessary harm to themselves while the quills are in place.

It is best to place the recipient on a flat surface or facing the back of a chair, the first time you experiment with quills, at least until you are familiar with the individual’s tolerance. If the recipient should zone out or pass out while the quills are in place they may fall and injure themselves.

Okay so now you have obtained some quills:

The first thing I do when I get a pack of quills is sort them. Some packages I have purchased have had guard hairs, grass, and other dirt in with the quills, this is not uncommon, although I wish it were more so. Please use good judgment when handling any quills, they are extremely sharp and can be very painful. You will want to sort out the broken or weak quills before you clean the quills; this way you are not wasting all your time and the effort to clean useless quills. You should be able to judge the desired thickness just by looking at the quills. Those that are too thin or look almost fragile should be discarded, as they will probably end up breaking if you try to use them. Also as to length I divide them into 3 or 4 sizes:

Mini…1 – 1 ½ inches
Standard…1 ½ - 2 ½ inches
Large…2 ½ inches – 4 inches
Fats…these are normally 2 ½ - 3 inches in length but are thicker than average

How do you clean them?:

"After you have sorted though the quills and pick those that you consider useable, you must clean them. This is honestly an easy process, but again be careful. You truly don’t want to get one of these things stuck under your fingernail while moving them around a dish of alcohol, it is not a pleasant surprise and if you do get one stuck in your finger just remember you still have to pull it out.

"First you need a bottle of alcohol and two or three pans, they pans should be at least 1 inch deep and 6-8 inches in diameter, I have found that aluminum pie pans work great. Poor about ½ to ¾ inch of alcohol into one pan, in another pan place several paper towels laid flat, if you use a third…leave it empty. You may want to have a spoon or tongs available. Take the quills and poor them into the alcohol, remember that the quills are porous and make soak it up a little bit. Make sure to submerge the quills completely, this is where the tongs come in handy, I have made the mistake of using my hands before…don’t try it, it isn’t a pretty sight. As the alcohol soaks into the quills it will make them very flexible so handle them with extra care. Every now and then use the tongs or spoon to stir them around a little. Allow them to soak about 5 minutes, if they get to where you can see through them or appear to be getting too soft go ahead and take them out. Now place the quills in the pan with the paper towels, and allow to air dry. Once they have dried out place the clean quills in the final pan. Repeat the process until all quills have been prepared.

And now comes the fun part: using the quills:

"Quills can be used almost any where on the human body. I do not recommend use of quills above the shoulders or below the wrists, or ankles. When you use them on the back please make sure that you do not use quills within two inches of the spine. I have used quills on the breast and yes even on the nipple itself…although that is not something that I would recommend for beginners. Although I have not used them on the genitalia I have seen it done before, I will simply say it was very interesting and I never want to see it done again

"Clean the surface of the body that you wish to use with alcohol first. Then use an abrasive to bring the blood to the surface; a scrub brush or horse brush works great. The reason you want the skin pink or warm to the touch is because it will heighten the reaction to the quills.

"Normally I do a spread of 50 to 60 quills. Place the quills approximately one inch apart; you should leave a space about the size of a quarter around each quill. Simply grasp the quill down close to the brown tip between your thumb and forefinger, then gently but quickly poke the brown tip into the skin. The most accurate gage I can give you of how much pressure is needed to properly imbed the quills, is if you are familiar with the lancets that are used to get a drop of blood when checking blood sugar, the amount of pressure needed to use the lancets is approximately the same amount of pressure that you need to exert with the quills.

"You do not need to penetrate the skin very far to get the desired effects. It takes a few tries before you get the hang of how much force to use; I personally practice on my own arm whenever I haven’t done a quilling for a while, just to get the feeling for it again. If the will stay in the skin, even if it isn’t standing strait up, it is fine. If you make a mistake and it doesn’t go in deep enough, don’t try the exact same place again, move over just a little bit if not you run the risk of making the skin to sensitive"

So how does being quilled, feel? Norische notes that "most people describe an itchy, tingly feeling from the quills but very few would actually describe them as painful", and this is backed up by comments on Fetlife from some of the very few kinksters who practice quilling.

Norische continues:

"Once the quills are in place you are free to continue on with the fun, that’s right you can do all sorts of fun things with the quills in place, as long as you be careful. Since the skin is itchy and sensitive now is a great time to have a little sadistic fun.

Just some ideas:

• Run an ice cube up and down the rows of quills, and blow on the water trail left behind.
• Use paraffin or waxes around the area where the quills are…hint…don’t put wax directly on the quills it makes them harder to remove.
• Brush you hand gently up and down the protruding quills, be careful not to lay the quills flat against the skin, it may cause the tip to break.
• Use a knife to draw designs within the quilled area.
• Use a large African quill to play connect the quills.
• Use a cane or baton to randomly tap at the quills.
• Use a feather, fur or horsetail to trace in between the quills, tickling the very sensitive skin.
• Use your favorite paddle, strap, cane or even your hand to entertain yourself with other body parts, while every now and then running your hand over the quills.

"The possibilities are endless. So have fun and enjoy the squirming."

Another idea: MasterShanes_lily on Fetlife notes that her Master "loves to use them in conjunction with needles. He knows it drives me nuts since i itch from the quills and can't scratch lol"

What about taking the quills out?

"Normally I suggest that you leave the quills in for no more than 20 minutes, less time if you are doing it for the first time, but as the body becomes accustomed to the quills you can leave them in longer.

"When you are ready to remove the quills you need to have a couple of things ready, a container to place the used quills in, a bottle of alcohol or alcohol wipes, and some paper towels or cotton balls.

"There are three ways to remove the quills.

1. First the nice way, place your finger at the base of the quill and grasp the quill between your thumb and forefinger and gently pull the quill from the skin.
   
2. Second the naughty way, simply grab the quill between your thumb and forefinger and pull.
   
3. Third the sadistic way, first place your thumb and forefinger firmly on the quill about mid way up the shaft, now twist the quill back and forth, then pull the quill out quickly. I honestly would not recommend the third manner simply because when you turn the quill it tends to break off the barbs on the tip of the quill while it is still embedded in the skin, but frankly I love to see the way people cringe when I tell them that method.

"After the quill has been removed simply discard of it, because of it’s porous nature I do not suggest cleaning and reusing the quills.

"When you remove the quills then may be small pink spots on the skin where the quills were, normally they will look similar to a mosquito bite. They may be the size of a dime and have a small bump, and yes they will itch for a while. With most people the bumps go away in minutes although sometimes they may be present for a while, it all depends on how long the quills were left in and how sensitive the individual’s skin is.

"You will need to clean the surface of the skin with alcohol once again this serves several purposes. The alcohol will clean and disinfect the area, it will also help get rid of the irritating oils that was on the quills and lastly it adds a little sadistic fun to the whole thing. I like to use a soothing lotion like a lavender or light mint on the skin afterwards but again if you want to be a little sadistic you can use lemon or lime juice, or Vick’s vapor rub, although I wouldn’t recommend it anywhere the skin was broken"

See, I told you quills had potential! You can see my quilling box below. I've sorted by size only. I now have to sort by sharpness.


And here is my quilling box in my larger piercing bag:


I plan to check further with Rastas, and then it's time to have some fun. I promise I'll keep you up to date!

NOTE: if this post is read by anyone with quilling experience, please drop me a line in the Comments area below as I'd love to add your experiences to this post.

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES:

Norische "Get To The Point: Basics of Quilling (With Real Porcupine Quills)"
Norische is happy to answer any questions you have on quilling. She also holds quilling workshops. Norisch1@mchsi.com

Maria Beatty "Mask of Innocence" 2006
Ebay Review How to Buy African Porcupine Quills Online guide.
Wiki on echidnas
Doug Stewart "The Enigma of the Echidna" National Wildlife, April/May 2003.

Thank you:
to Norische for her excellent informative essay
and for her willingness to share :)
to Malystryx, who supported me on Fetlife against fools
to the vanilla artists who's works are shown, please forgive!

Photos:
Ms160
Norische - quilling photo
Wiki - echidna photo
still photo of quilling scene from
Maria Beatty's 2006 film "Mask of Innocence"

Newbie Dominants - Practicalities of Play series

Thank you so much to all the readers who have been in touch over the "Newbie Dominants - Practicalities of Play" series, since I put out the call a couple of months ago. I've taken all your comments and ideas on board and will start publishing the series soon. It's been great to see how many new dominants, especially female dominants, are reading Mistress160's Abode and the BDSM for Beginners blog, and I'm really pleased to have nearly finalized this series for you :).

This Newbie Dominant - Practicalities of Play series leads on in part from the Going Real Time series. It covers a tricky period of transition we all experience: you are doing all the right things - watching and learning at play parties, reading lots, and practicing your flogging / caning / bondage skills. You don't quite feel ready to use those skills in a scene yet, but you have a sub ready and waiting... What to do?!

In this series of posts I'll provide you with basic practical information that will give you the confidence to organize your first scene, be in an online scene, a real time scene in the privacy of your home ... or your first scene in public. Here's some of the things we'll discuss:

• Assembling a basic BDSM toy box
• Finding "pervertable" toys around your home, and fiendish uses for them
• Looking the part ... or not (dominant dress styles)
• How to organize a cyber play scene and play online
  
• How to organize a real time scene in private
• How to organize a real time scene at a play party
  
• Simple types of play useful in your first few scenes: queening / figging / pegging / CBT / clamp play / T&D / puppy play etc
• Learning more advanced play techniques
  
• Looking out for "drop" / top guilt, and working out your / your partner's aftercare needs
• Finding more online resources for dominants

I'll be running a two hour real time "Practical play tips for new dominants" workshop on this subject, as well as as a cyber course.

Femdom tea party news

The Femdom tea party craze continues, lol. As I wrote on a recent post, after a glorious tea party that felt like a group of female dominants had taken over The Ritz for afternoon tea, there really is no better way to spend an afternoon...

Some tea party news:

The next Mad Hatter's Tea Party group's femdom tea party will be at Mistress Angelicca's home in Brisbane on 27 June.

As I noted in an earlier post, we held the inaugural Mad Hatter's Tea Party (with a CFNM theme) in April 2009. It was a great success. Mistress Angelicca and I then set up a Fetlife group for MHTP members. Tea parties are held every two months in either southern Queensland and Northern NSW.

There is a Fetlife events page for the tea party here. There is again a CFNM theme :). Females of all kinky orientation are welcome to be guests at the party. If you'd like to be a male server, drop either myself or Mistress Angelicca a line.

Also:

My next Femdom Tea Party workshops will be in Melbourne, around mid July / mid Oct. Please drop me a line, or Natalya Dostova at Adrenachrome.

Photo:
Ms160
(with permission of tea party
attendees and servers)

Uber:learn - latest workshops, Sydney 2009

"Insightful, kinky and thought-provoking,
Uber: learn workshops are open to all"
MsDee

Here is a list of Uber:learn's workshops in Sydney over the next few months. I highly recommend attending anything MsDee organizes, and her education workshops and skill shares are always terrific, whatever your kinky orientation or level of experience.

For more info on all things Uber, please visit their site:

sunday 14th june 2009 - now 21 june 2009
bondage 101 – metal, plastic, and ropes

ever wondered what the “b” in bdsm is really all about? how to restrain that lovely plaything so they really can’t move, and what it does to their head while they are there? what can you use to get the effect you want, practically, safely, & efficiently? we discuss and demonstrate the use of chains, cuffs, cling wrap and ropes in a toe-dipping step into the fascinating world of bondage.

(sol and I helped MsDee with this workshop last year - you can read about it here but here's a quote: "we were looking at all sorts of types of restraint. We discussed, and showed examples, of leather, rope, rubber, plastic ... Miss Dee brought rolls of gladwrap for everyone to try, and this was a huge success, we took some wonderful photos ... fabric and metal items that could be used to bind. I showed how effective carabinars are, for restraining a body quickly, leaving more time for doing more creative things. Like inflicting pain....". Sadly I won't be able to get there this year as I have another kinky event on the same day, but hopefully MsDee will allow sol and I to join here again next year :) )

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2.30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


thursday 18th june 2009:
rope bondage with objects
at manacle, the clarence hotel 450 parramatta rd, petersham

remember those cartoon scenes where Dick Dastardly ties Penelope Pittstop to the railway tracks? Ever wished you were her, or him? While we are not tying people to railway tracks (today, at least), we are going to spend an a few hours exploring bondage and objects - chairs, tables, brooms, all manner of things. every day objects used in unusual, kinky, and definitely sexy ways. in fact, bring an object with you and try and stump the presenter - tonbi!

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 7:00pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


sunday 28th june 2009:
cbt & genital bondage - tightly tied treasures geni-torture!!!!!

explore the pain and the glory that small lengths of string, perhaps a few weights, perhaps some other toys, and a little bit of imagination can invoke. experienced players in this field give hands on demonstrations of this wonderful, delicate, and oh-so-very- effective restraint method

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2.30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


saturday and sunday 11th & 12th july 2009 :
Senior first aid certificate course
run by SLPA

We believe in it so much, we are sending all our staff to it as well as attending it ourselves. whilst costs are to be confirmed, it will be approximately $150 for 2 days, including lunches. just think, a first aid course where you can ask about bdsm.

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


sunday 26th july 2009:
Protocols

strict discipline. knowing what is expected at all times. how do you stand, how do you address people. knowing your place. sexy? fascinating? hot? we explore the world of protocols, what makes them work, and give you some ideas of how to incorporate them into your D/s relationships.

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2.30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


sunday 2nd august 2009:
rope bondage 101

always thought that rope work looked HOT, but way too difficult? While it is definitely an art form for some, it can also just be sexy and fun. Come and learn the basics

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2.30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


sunday 16th august 2009:
rope bondage 202

getting into the groove? getting to feel the power of the rope? ready to take the next step? moving from the fundamentals of workshop 101, we incorporate limb tying, with more interesting restraints and combinations. you will learn the steps to include rope in your play, including the delightful rope tying for [shhh] sex.

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2:30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.


sunday 30th august 2009:
rope bondage with objects

remember those cartoon scenes where Dick Dastardly ties Penelope Pittstop to the railway tracks? Ever wished you were her, or him? While we are not tying people to railway tracks (today, at least), we are going to spend an afternoon exploring bondage and objects - chairs, tables, brooms....all manner of things. every day objects used in unusual, kinky, and definitely sexy ways. in fact, bring an object with you and try and stump the presenter - tonbi!

[cost $20, $15 SLPA & Kindred, start time: 2:30pm. approx 2 hrs ]

CLICK HERE IF YOU'D LIKE TO ATTEND.

Look forward to seeing you at some of them!

Logo and workshop info:
Uber:learn

Solipsist gets nailed...

I bet you saw that title and thought I'd nailed sol's dick to a board, didn't you? No that's next week ... this week is a tad more gentle. No pix for this scene, sadly ... we went to the beach with a kinky friend on Sunday and the damn camera got sand in it, so readers you'll just have to use your imagination...

Sol's main present was his PA piercing. However I'd also given him a packet of false nails as a small feminization treat. On Sunday night I decided it was time to try these out.

First he knelt before me to receive my evening "champagne cocktail". Having drunk that straight from the source via our new device, I dressed him in a slinky black and pink nightdress and told him to kneel again. I examined his newly scrubbed hands. "Your nails need a bit of shaping", I noted critically. While he attended to this I selected the false finger nails for each of his hands.

It had taken some time to find a set for larger hands but the one's I chosen seemed to fit sol well. A tiny tab of glue underneath each false nail, 15 seconds of pressure ... and soon sol had a perfect set of long nails. Still kneeling, he waved his hands around, with wonder.

I took each hand back in turn and filed the tip of each fake nail into a rounded tip. "What color would you like?", I asked. "Red" he replied ... only then spotting the Chanel scarlet polish already sitting beside us. He grinned. Then I carefully painted each nail with two coats of my favorite nail polish. You can see the color in the photo from another scene, at the top of this post.

Sol was most impressed with his pretty finger tips. "They make me feel very feminine", he said, rather quietly. "Now, let's see what you can do with them", I said, leading him to bed. "You may now masturbate". I told him ... and watched with amusement as he tried to fit his long fingernails without success around his cock, and smiled with delight when he worked out ways
to adapt.

After a while I told him to stop, and to prepare and serve dinner ... he did this without losing a nail. Then it was back to bed to massage my feet and shoulders. The latter felt wonderful with the long nail tips erotically grazing my bare skin.... "Well now we know you can serve AND give great massages with long nails, you must definitely wear them to the next tea party!", I sighed happily...

Then it was time to finish what we'd previously begun ... the blood red nails looked fantastic as they moved up and down sol's cock, the candle light making the silver PA piercing jewelery at it's tip gleam. Very soon sol was asking for permission to come, and I granted it. This was his first orgasm since the PA was done. He certainly enjoyed it ... and so did I!

Some rather good toy specials you might like to know about...

Sax (who's leather workshop is quite close to where sol and I live, and who have an excellent website, shipping fetish items worldwide) just sent me their latest newsletter and they have some extremely good specials:

"S(A)X has acquired a range of stainless steel and borasilicate dildos and butt plug accessories at a very special half price. They are available in limited numbers, some there are only one of others two or three"

I don't usually promote merchandise but 50% off takes many of these really great toys to well under a hundred dollars, which makes them very special indeed. You might like to take a look. Just click on the banner below and then head to the Specials Half Price section. Have fun!

Some water sports play on the long drive home

The drive home (via another city and another tiny town, and two more nights with friends) was 1000km through two states .... it sounds daunting but in fact sol and I adore long road trips and we were perfectly happy anticipating it. Sol was also delighted because many years ago he discovered a back road he now wanted to share with me...

So at about lunchtime we leave our friend's place and set off for the final trip....

Australia is a magical country to drive around and sol's secret back road takes us deep into farming country (where we are literally crossing grids separating private properties and avoiding the following:)


And then deep into national parks. This was the view from one lookout:


After a stunning 800metre bush walk around the lookout we headed back to the car. Sol stopped for a pee ... which reminded me of a certain item packed in the car, which we'd been planning to test. Here it is:


Sol designed it (it's a VERY complicated design lol) to make peeing easier for me in cars ... and elsewhere ... it just needs a compliant sub into water sports on the other end of the tube!

We thought it best to try it outdoors first. I leaned against a national park sign and positioned the red funnel between my legs:


Then released my pee while sol applied suction on the other end:


It worked perfectly! Not a single drop was lost. Here is sol claiming the last drop:


I stood up, thanked him and wiggled myself back into my jodphurs ... I was feeling a tad turned on and must admit I had trouble adjusting my clothing in a comfortable manner. Sol was experiencing the same problem. The bulge in his jeans was considerable. "You'd better let him out" I said, thinking restraining the head with it's new piercing was probably painful.

What emerged was probably the largest hard-on sol's ever had:


I roared with laughter. "Enjoy that, did you?" He nodded. "Yes Ma'am". I looked deep in his eyes. "Don't go too far into sub space or I'll have to drive!". That brought him back!

We rinsed the tube out and climbed back into the car, with sol looked content and a fraction smug. I'm sure contemplating the prospect of all the toilet breaks required for a 1000km trip were keeping him very happy indeed...

Two minutes later we reached a T junction with the name of the highway above it: "Golden highway". We roared with laughter, so much so that I needed another pee...

(Photos: Ms160)