A little aftercare...

sublime63 receiving aftercare
after the aftercare workshop :)

On Sunday we held a Fetlife Northern NSW group munch at MistressTerra's Terratory, followed by an informal workshop on aftercare. I'd decided to run this after several members of the group raised drop and aftercare concerns with me.

About twenty five kinksters turned up at Terratory, on the Gold Coast, at lunchtime. MistressTerra did an extraordinary catering job, the tables were literally groaning with food:


We were greeted on arrival (and at various other times during the afternoon) with Mystress Rose's wonderful cocktails, made with different fruit sorbets and champagne:


As thebratisback noted later "Mystress Rose those cocktails were lush". Indeed. We were certainly well fed and watered. We'd had some serious dust storms recently, but the day, while windy, was sunny and warm. It was extremely pleasant sitting outside, catching up with old friends and making many new ones.

MistressTerra had kindly allowed the Xmas Present to attend. The XP was very well behaved, and managed to convince many guests, including whyterose who's foot you see here lol, to play ball:


We had sixteen people stay for the workshop, which we held outside (we were all too comfortable to move). First I asked how many people there had experienced drop (quite a few) and then checked kinky orientations - we had about half suffering from subdrop, the rest from Dom or top drop, and two switches present. I also asked if we had any online players present - we had two kinksters there who enjoyed Second Life. This was good because their enthusiasm encouraged other real timers to listen to their - and my - stories of cyber kink. Where I might add, aftercare is also important to keep in mind after play.

As I wrote in my Aftercare for Submissives post:

"Aftercare is one of the most important things you need to learn about BDSM. As Midori points out, aftercare may not be:

"as sexy a topic as say, double handed flogging, Master/slave protocols, suspension bondage, etc ... we know we need it, but we don't dwell on it. We treat it like flossing our teeth. "Yes, yes, we know"...

"Unfortunately the reality is that the presence or absence, timing, quality and sincerity of aftercare can make the difference between a fantastic scene and a miserable experience. It's as necessary as air or water; similarly vital, yet taken for granted until it goes missing or quality is degraded".

And this is so true. MistressTerra wrote later about the workshop that "it was relaxed yet informative and the chance to talk and share with others was one of the highlights of my day.", and this was what I was aiming for: getting other members of the group to share their drop experiences and discuss both what aftercare they might need, and what might help them avoid similar situations in the future.

I talked a bit about why I'd become interested in researching about drop and aftercare, and why I'd created the Aftercare posts in my BDSM for Beginners series and blog. I handed around copies of these posts, and also my Emergency Self Aftercare post, with a Reference and Online Resources list attached. If you are interested in learning more about aftercare here's some info on those posts, and what they cover:

Part 7 looks at aftercare for submissives, and addresses many questions readers have repeatedly sent to me:

• What exactly do terms like aftercare and subdrop mean?
  
• What does subdrop feel like?
• What does aftercare consist of?
  
• How do I work out my own aftercare needs?
  
• Is aftercare ever needed after online play?
  
• How do I make an aftercare kit?
• What do I do if I feel I need more aftercare than my Dom/me provides?

Part 8 explores aftercare for dominants:

• What is domdrop?
• What is top guilt?
• If my Dom/me needs aftercare, what do I do?
• Advice for fledging Dom/mes on "drop", guilt and aftercare
• Aftercare for D/s couples
  

Part 9 examines aftercare issues for switches:

• Do switches experience both types of 'drop'?
• Does "drop" worsen when switching occurs over a short time period?
• Switch health issues
  
• Practical aftercare issues
  
• Advice for newbie switches on "drop", guilt and aftercare

Part 10 provides instructions for emergency self aftercare

This final, much viewed post was written because there was a need for kinksters - both real time and cyber - suffering from drop after play. As I wrote at the beginning of the post:

"There are lots of reasons you are checking out this emergency post... Perhaps you are a sub who played real time with a Dom/me who was lousy at aftercare. Or you are a dominant or a switch who played with a sub who didn't realize tops need aftercare as well. Perhaps you have an online Master who doesn't think aftercare is required after online play - you on the other hand know from prior play experience that you need aftercare, and also sometimes experience subdrop. Or perhaps your normally supportive and experienced Mistress is unable to fulfill their usual "special time" due to unforseen real life commitments.

"These emergency aftercare instructions are for all of you - and anyone else who finds themselves alone and depressed, lost and sad after play. They are relevant to both online and realtime situations"

The Emergency Aftercare post has become one of the most popular on my blogs. I receive comments and thanks about it all the time. Even as I wrote this post today, there was a post from impnene in the Subdrop Clinic group I now moderate on Fetlife, who wrote "I found your Emergency Aftercare article in my time of need. Thank you ... I also want to thank you for the foresight of the link to the information in the introduction. Very easy to find is important when your brain isn't functioning". Another sub, alexa214 responded on the same thread a couple of months ago:

"@Mistress160 i just read the emergency self help aftercare information. Thank you so much! i am experiencing subdrop today and never really realized what it was. W/we are new to this lifestyle O/our play is becoming more intense over time - which is so amazingly wonderful, by the way. Because of the dynamics of O/our M/s relationship, there is usually not a lot of time for much aftercare. i have always thought i was fine when i leave my Master because i'm feeling pretty great (and so is He) immediately after. However, after reading these posts, it totally explains why given an hour or two afterwards (occasionally) i am super sleepy, LONELY and tearful. He is able to provide good communication, reassurance, support etc. for a short time via phone and has recently given me a ritual for when i get lonely that i was able to use today that helped too. i still needed the information you gave on how to better take care of myself (by myself) until our next meeting/communication. Thank you again!!!"

Another sub wrote to me "I am in tears as i write..but tears of relief. You have explained soo much of what im going through and i dont feel so isolated or insane...". I really can't express how pleased I am that the Emergency Aftercare post is proving useful.

After the workshop for those who stayed we had a practical application of aftercare. MistressTerra created a rope body harness for sublime63:


Then moved to her legs:


A blindfold and a little knife play followed:


And a little plastic wrap:


While we knew sublime was enjoying the scene, we kept a close eye on her and didn't keep the plastic on for long as we knew she suffered sometimes from claustrophobia. We kept up her liquids during the very short scene:


And removed the plastic and ropes quickly, while she drank an energy drink:


Then as she was cold we wrapped her in my aftercare blanket, which I'd brought to show people during the workshop, when we'd discussed what to put in your personal aftercare kit:


We then sat sublime down comfortably. Because she was suffering not only post scene chill but was cold from the night air, we added MistressTerra's pale blue blanket over her feet:


To be honest sublime hardly needed all this lol, but it was a good way to show you a bit more about aftercare!

It was 9pm - after more food - when sol and I finally left for home. We'd have stayed longer but it had been a long day and we had an hour and a half to drive home. MistressTerra later wrote:

"Thanks to everyone who came yesterday. It was wonderful to have you all here. Thank you to my kitchen, bbq and tarp helpers. You made the time leading up to kick off incredibly easier and less stressier. Especially sol, sublime, brat, bootie and baby bootie. Thank you thank you thank you. Huge thank you to Mystress Rose who makes the best champagne cocktails and to the lovelies who were always helping with cleanup."

And I'd like to thank all those helpers again, and also MistressTerra for such a great day.

REFERENCES AND ONLINE RESOURCES
ABOUT DROP AND AFTERCARE:

Ms160's POSTS IN THE AFTERCARE SERIES:
BDSM for Beginners (part 7: aftercare for submissives)
BDSM for Beginners (part 8: aftercare for dominants)
BDSM for Beginners (part 9: aftercare for switches)
BDSM for Beginners (part 10: emergency self aftercare - instructions)

REFERENCES:
cc Before, During and After care
Chris M Aftercare
Cirrus Subdrop (thread on Literotica Forum June 2002 onwards)
Dreamscape subdrop (10 August 2006)
D/s Seekers Subdrop
Female Artists of Domination The Endorphin Levels in BDSM: a short primer on sending a subbie into hyperspace
Franklin Veaux What's with switching, anyway?
jade Bruising - how to prevent and treat it
Icky "Flipping the Switch: Exploring the Middle Ground in BDSM Play" (republished on this MDS thread)
Jersey Girl Aftercare
Dorothy Haden Aftercare (after D/s relationship breakup)
(pls note some parts of this article are not endorsed by Ms160)
Lord Saber Switches and BDSM
Maitre Pierre D/s lifestyle - switching
MasterMono Subspace and Subspace Drop
Midori Aftercare - Healing Better to Play Harder
(a longer version of this essay appears in Midori's book "Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink")
Mistress Steel Aftercare , Dominant Drop and Sub Rebound
Mrs Claudia Domme Guilt: when something goes wrong (post: 5 June 2007)
Ooooohhhhyesss Sub physiology: aftercare and sub drop
RavenMuse Reclaiming our morality (on domdrop and top guilt)
Richard Evans Lee Aftercare (post: 31 January 2006)
Sensual Sadist Aftercare for the dominant (post May 2007)
Sexslavealexa Subdrop - the unspoken cry for help and comfort (blog + comments on Alt.com thread Oct 2006)
Sir Real 10 ways to fight subdrop + BDSM Science (on drop related chemicals)
The journey Subdrop (post 15 August 2006)
Wikipedia - May 2007 entries on subdrop, aftercare subspace

Forums: Fetlife - Subdrop Clinic group

photos:
Ms160
with permission of scene players

Thank you:
a HUGE thank you to MistressTerra
for opening Terratory to
the Fetlife Northern NSW group :)
and to
to MistressTerra and sublime63
for scene and post scene photos