Mistress160's Abode: Gifts of commitment and friendship

Last weekend sol and I flew to Sydney to attend the kinky "other wedding" of two of our friends, Rake and Hawkesbury.

We've known Rake and Hawkesbury for a while now. We have mutual friends in the Sydney scene and often run into them at events like Black Sash Salons and Uber parties and workshops. I was delighted when Rake won Second Place in the 2008 Lucrezia & De Sade / Sax Fetish Photographic Competition (excellent image ... you can see it here).

Their "other wedding" was a magical night. It was such an honor to be invited - their invitation was beautiful (Rake has very kindly allowed me to reproduce it above). I'd never seen the term kinky / other wedding used before. Although once you think of it, it makes perfect sense. Rake and Hawkesbury had held their vanilla wedding a month or so before. Now it was time for them to affirm their D/s relationship.

Usually kinksters call this a collaring ceremony. What's a collaring ceremony, or a collar, you ask? Well these are as individual as weddings lol but here's the Albany Power Exchange's attempt at a definition:

"A collar in BDSM symbolizes a commitment that has often been compared to a wedding ring ... When the submissive accepts the collar, the submissive surrenders to the Dominant and makes a promise to be devoted and loyal. Some collars are made with no clasp to signify the never ending love of the relationship. Other collars have a ring to attach a leash and a place for an engraved tag or pendant to show ownership. The collar is to be worn in the presence of the Dominant at all times. When apart, all the submissive needs to do is touch it to be reminded of the bond they share. Each collaring is a unique symbol of love, respect and a bond between two people who care greatly for each other"

Why a collar? Historically slaves were "collared" by those who owned them, and a collar of ownership - the important thing to note here is that we are talking about a consensual collar of ownership - is common in contemporary BDSM. Along with lots of different types of collars. Some kinksters prefer to use a brand, tattoo or permanent piercing to express their commitment. Or a different type of jewelry, such as a bracelet that can pass easier in the vanilla world. In fact, a collar may not have any physical form at all.

You can read more about collaring in the resource list at the bottom of this post. Regular readers will probably have seen sol wear a collar in many photos, and I often write about his leather collar. But we have not formalized this part of our relationship. Yet.

Rake and Hawkesbury's ceremony was held at their home. My friend MsDee from Uber acted as "best man" to the beautiful Hawkesbury as she crawled naked up the red carpet to Rake.

Moving speeches from mutual friends were made on the nature of D/s commitment. Then Hawksbury unrolled her vows and read them. Rake responded. The collar (a stunning steel one purchased in San Francisco, you can see it in the photo of the invitation) and leash were put on...

I've kept my description of the ceremony very general because every couple's vows and contract are extremely personal. While checking what I could include in this post, Rake kindly noted that I might share that the vows / contract were:

"written as a series of offers from the submissive: mind, heart, body; thought, dreams, desires; etc; Love & Loyalty. In turn I humbly accepted the offer, with respect to the trust and responsibility she has placed in me; but then I added that I will expect more from her; and that she not retreat when challenged"

Rake and Hawksbury wrote the contract / vows the night before, and had already privately read them to each other. They had found this a very moving moment, Rake later writing to me:

"Making the public reading almost secondary to us. For us the vows are the key to our D/S relationship, and the collar is merely a symbol of the dedication we have to each other"

Their words certainly moved me - it was just like a wedding in that every committed D/s couple there was immediately teary eyed, remembering their own partner and ceremonies, both kinky and vanilla. I know that when sol and I come to write our own D/s contract / vows, we'll be asking Rake and Hawkesbury for their thoughts.

The invitation read "stay and play all night" and that's what everyone did.

It was great to catch up with so many friends. Among the guests were MzAntonina and MactheKnife, who are friends and casual play partners with us. We arranged to meet them the following day for a coffee and to try out some new toys on our subs.

We spent a really enjoyable couple of hours in their beautiful home. I love homes where the kinkiness of the occupants is there for all to see, if you know where to look (their living room featured a brilliant photo of MactheKnife in a leather puppy mask). They also had a designated play room. Such a luxury, that! After coffee, I handed over my Central Asian horse whip and rawhide flogger and MzAntonina handed me her new cane, and we both launched ourselves on sol's ass. Makes vanilla afternoon coffee visits seem a bit tame lol. Here's MzAntonina using the Central Asian horse whip:

We both enjoyed swapping canes and floggers so much that I took home her cane and promised to bring her a Central Asian flogger on our next trip to Sydney! (PS: we did this, I was delighted to find one with a rare lapis and silver handle).

Speaking of gifts, MzAntonina is one of those talented fiends who does many things disgustingly well. Making jewelry is one of them. She showed me the charm bracelets she'd been making and I was blown away by their elegance and beauty. When we were leaving she unexpectedly gave me one for an early birthday present. It was exquisite. I was absolutely overwhelmed.

Later that night I showed the bracelet to the newly married couple, who were having dinner with sol and myself and MsDee and her partner, with whom we were staying. We were eating outside in their backyard, the basil from their herb garden scenting the air. There was much laughter and conversation and good food. The candles on the center of the table were blazing brightly, catching the scarlet, black and bronze charms on the bracelet as well as the metal rings on sol's leather cuffs:

My bracelet was greatly admired. I admitted I'd not had the luxury of new jewelry for a while, and how much I loved the fact my friend had put some thought into what suited my sense of style. Hawksbury admired the bracelet again, looked at me a moment and then said "I have a bracelet I don't wear much" and a moment later produced a lovely bangle of bright glass and plastic beads . "It's yours", she said.

So there I sat, adorned with gifts of friendship as we rewatched our friends take their vows on my camera, checked out their vanilla wedding photos from their own cameras, and shared a wonderful meal and some extraordinary wine.

It was hard to leave all our friends yesterday, but at least I was able to look forward to the fact that we (MsDee, Rake and Hawkesbury, and my jeweler / artist friend and her partner) would soon all reassemble for Uber's panel on "How to find a Dom(me) and keep them".

Flying home last night I looked at the two gifts on my arm. Gifts from two very different women I call my friends, yet both united in their being members of my local kinky community. Both articulate, bright women with whom I can equally discuss international politics or caning. REAL women, everyday women, who were both in 24/7 relationships - albeit in opposite roles - and who both made kink work on a daily basis.

This is what creates the reality of being kinky, not the fantasy. I know I can be a bore when I go on about trying to get people online to go real time, but I do it so that people can experience exactly these kind of real relationships and individuals.

Sitting on the plane I realized sol and I had just spent a perfect weekend surrounded by the most wonderful kinky friendship. I held my arm up and jingled my bracelets. They looked vanilla. Like Hawksbury's collar. She will wear that collar everywhere, it's powerful meaning - the memory of her vows - concealed to most. But tangibly there with her, to remind her of what matters most.

I will wear my bracelets everywhere, their meaning - the gift of kinky community, of friendship - equally concealed. But equally there. Only I will know they contain the memory of that weekend. Those memories - those very special vows, the BDSM scenes at the party and later, the good food and wine, the laughter of friends - will warm me every time I wear these gifts of kinky friendship.

sincere thanks to
our hosts at
the kinky wedding
and to Rake
for the "special scene name"
version of the invite!