BDSM For Beginners - Finding a Dominant Series: Introduction

Sonnets - Unrealities XI
by ~elided on deviantART

"How does one find a Mistress?
Probably by looking..."
MissyRane CollarME

"you have to understand that this is going to be
a looooooong process. You’re trying to find someone
to fit a very narrow set of specifications,
and you can’t just order her up from Nordstrom"
Mistress Matisse, 24 August 2007
From The Inbox series

"from the sheer frustration of finding the
right submissive male that actually will let
me be Dominant in my own fashion and
not his script I would say that it’s
equally hard to find a real submissive male"
(Mz.Carmen)

"Oh my God!" maymay exclaimed a while back, in response to a post by Ms Reciprocity:

"ironically, the very reason you just described (about finding it difficult to meet submissive men ...) is the very same reason I would cite as finding it difficult to meet dominant women..."

Whether sub, switch or dominant, we all face problems in our search for a BDSM partner. I have single kinky friends searching for life partners, who are beyond frustration with searching. But on the other hand I have other friends who met partners online reasonably quickly (including a dominant friend who married her partner - they met on CollarMe - a few months back).

It's the ultimate irony that while male subs despair when told of male sub / female dominant rations of up to 20:1 - or worse - female subs often feel "incredible outnumbered": "when i put myself back on the market", observed sweet_bits on MyDungeonSpace, "the volume of HNG mail became over-whelming". Yet at the same time male subs are bemoaning their single fate in chat rooms, I am surrounded by female dominant friends who simply cannot find a good sub.

Something is obviously going very wrong, somewhere.

Ah, the joys of communicating ... or NOT communicating, lol. Which is what this series of posts is all about.

Sure, we've all had experiences with rude dominants and rude subs of all genders. But you know, although I hate to admit it, a lot of the problems we face in our search for a partner come back to the fact we appear to be really lousy at communicating with each other. "i am NOT desperate", an exasperated sweet_bits informed the male dominants who contact her at MyDungeonSpace:

" i am not going to fuck you or submit to you simply because you deigned to contact me .... there is more to my submission than sucking your cock and being your whipping post ... do not inundate me with 1-2 line emails ... read my profile. please. we take the time to write them for a reason"

Female dominants often explode with similar frustration - here's a small extract of recent post by Lady Jadis:

"Well ... you can tell which individuals have actually read My personal information, as it is posted - as compared to those moronic idiots who haven't. Then there are those who just adding Me to satisfy their own urges - under the pretense of some sort of self satisfaction … while having no concept of what BDSM truly is - or can - mean. They're just contacting me for their own personal gratification ... like some lost little cyber puppy looking for his bone...

"Here's a news flash boys: a submissive is a mentality, a personality - not a God given right to hound every Mistress that comes across the screen! ... I am -NOT- here to entertain you ... I will not: train you, scene with you, command you or - god forbid … get you off!"

While I've been writing this contacting dominants series, several Dommes I respect and admire - including Mistress Matisse, Mistress Milliscent, Lady Myles and Elizabeth - have been posting about related issues. Mistress Matisse began a wonderful series on her blog called "From The Inbox" which often makes me laugh out loud even as I groan in sympathy (having received countless similar unsolicited messages myself). Her first post in the series (in July 2007) begins:

"Hmmnn, I'm feeling vicious today. I want to be mean to someone. Right NOW. That's easy. Just open the inbox, and presto!...

"Why [the writer] sent [the appallingly written attached letter to] me, I have no idea. The very smallest amount of research would indicate that I'm going to fillet him here on the public blog, but perhaps he'll enjoy the attention"

"It always amazes me the sorts of things some men think are attractive to a dominant woman", notes Lady Myles, in a post responding to a message in her own inbox:

"There are submissive males that do really get it, that by courting a dominant much like they'd court a vanilla woman (albeit with the addition of kink) is an effective way to get some of their dreams and fantasies fulfilled.

"Then there are others, the ones that absolutely don't get the concept that a dominant is just a human that happens to enjoy activities that are outside the realm of "normal" interaction..."

And then there are the women ... "a lot is made out of how men don't read personal ads very closely, but my experience says that women are just as bad", my MyDungeonSpace friend MinofSin emails me. And of course then there are the over the top communications sent out by - usually inexperienced - female dominants, don't get me started, quoting examples of those, lol. Maymay even recently posted an example of a message he received from a gay Dom, which he found:

"interesting because it's an example of a gay man doing it. I don't think that's something a lot of people realize happens, or if they do realize it happens, don't realize just how similarly pathetic and stupid it is as all the straight women (and straight men!) who do similar things.

"It's at least illuminating to see the cold, hard copy-and-pasted evidence that this shit goes on regardless of sexual orientation"

So WHY do we get the contacting / communicating bit so wrong?

I've seen so many posts like the one below:

"Searching for that special Mistress has been long road. I have met a few I would love the chance to serve. I think they know who they are. Wish someone would take the time to give me a chance and get to know me as a person before just saying I dont think were right for each other. I know given the chance I can make a Mistress very happy"

I'm sure the sub who posted this on My Dungeon Space is a really nice guy. And his post is sincere. But on the other hand he has been a member of MDS for three months and has not filled in his profile or interacted on the site in any way: he has no friends, his guest book is empty, he has joined no groups and has not been active on either the forum or chat rooms. Worse, he appears unaware that MDS is not specifically a dating site.

And this is a common online example. We don't put the work in, we don't read or fill out profiles, or interact on sites, but when we spot someone we like we expect an instant fix. We want that dominant to take us on NOW, despite the fact they don't know us. And when they say no, we are confused and indignant. "Wish someone would take the time to give me a chance and get to know me as a person before just saying I don't think were right for each other", writes the sub above. But did he take the time to get to know the dominant he contacted, BEFORE he contacted HER?

Sometimes our responses to such rejections are extremely rude. Why?? "I think what we all tend to forget is that we are talking about relationships, real people, real feelings. real risks", writes sweet_bits. Absolutely. But I also agree with Carrie Ann that there is a lot of confusion not only about HOW to contact someone, but WHO should contact WHO:

"I think male submissives have it much harder than females. The whole process is different. Male Dominants usually pursue the female submissive. It seems to be the opposite in the Female Dominant/male submissive arena. I don't know if I think that's a good thing. In keeping with the power structure I think it works better when the Dominant is the pursuer. And yet, traditionally, men chase women. So I think it's confusing for male subs AND for a lot of Dommes"

So in this BDSM For Beginners series of posts we are going to demystify the problem of contacting dominants.

But I need to make one thing clear right now. I shouldn't even be writing about this topic, because it's solutions are so simple - what CaptainTripps (prefacing a comment on subs not reading dominants' profiles to a post by Richard Evans Lee) once called:

"very far in “no duh” territory ... SO obvious that it isn’t even worth saying. Hell, those guys probably aren’t even reading this site anyway".

I feel rather the same with this series. To be quite honest all the information you need is in this introduction. But I made a promise to several of you, and others have reminded me that my BDSM For Beginners series is just that: for beginners.

So I have gone right back to basics with this one. If you are a regular reader here, but not looking for a dominant partner - or feel confident in your current search for that partner - I suggest you skip these posts. Because they are purely instructive; worse: they require homework, lol.

You might find some of the tasks I'm going to set you tedious, you might find some sections a tad obscure, and you are going to be VERY bored of my constantly telling you to be patience. But. If you are new to BDSM, and facing this problem, then by the end of the series - if you do the homework and put in the effort - you will understand not only specifically what you want in a kinky relationship, but what you want in a dominant. Which means you will know the right dominants to approach, and how to approach them, and your attempts at contacting them will be more successful.

The thing to always keep in mind, on this journey we are about to undertake together - whatever your gender or kinky orientation - is that the journey itself is an important part of your personal growth. "Sometimes I feel like searching for the perfect sub can be a process of searching for yourself and learning and growing as a dominant", writes Psychosis, and MinofSin agrees:

"Seriously, I think when searching for someone, you are searching for that compliment to yourself. You are looking for someone who can add to what you already have or are. So yes, in a way, I can see it being a search for ones self.

"Every sub or slave I have had has taught me valuable lessons, both about myself, about the details of dominance and submission, and about the lifestyle in general. I think if we ever stop learning and growing, we do everyone, especially ourselves a disservice"

POSTSCRIPT INSERTED JANUARY 2008:

I'm adding a note in here, regarding how this series has been received. You can read a post featuring comments and reviews here. Just to summarize, responses - from both dominants and submissives - have been overwhelmingly positive ... so apologies to those of you who pressed to me to write this series; yes you were right, there WAS a need for it lol.

I won't repeat all the feedback you will find in the link above, but here are a couple to give you an idea, as I think its important for people searching for partners to read. From a dominant perspective, Mistress Evita writes:

"I want to direct your attention to this wonderful and informative post by Mistress160. Mistress160 is compiling a series called; How to contact a dominant, and I urge any of you who plan to, or are currently in a position of contacting a dominant, to read it. In fact, it is a very interesting read for anybody and it is relevant to anyone, not just males.

"Mistress160 has put in an astounding amount of effort into compiling all the information. She has liaised with many experienced Mistresses who have shared their thoughts and wisdom as they address all the classic mistakes (mostly) males make in their eagerness in contacting a Woman to serve, and the etiquette that should be observed"

From a submissive viewpoint, quietlisten provides the following thoughtful review:

"F$#%ing wow ... I'm floored by the effort that is so obvious throughout the series, from the overall structure (unusual in a blog) to the careful enumeration of options in various situations. It just exudes thought and care.

"One of the greatest strengths of the work is the way you've paired "here's what you should/shouldn't do" with "here are the consequences and what it looks like through the other person's eyes." That's far more persuasive than a rule book approach. There are people on the other end of communications and they respond best by being treated like (drum roll...) people!

"The quotes from Dommes and other subs made me feel like this is a dance we are all in together, not a competition. A few months looking can turn anyone into a jaded cynic, and it's great therapy to understand the viewpoint from the other side of the search. In fact, the "needle in a haystack" comment motivated me to not only want to be the needle, but to be the FOUND needle. The last part of the series has a satisfyingly positive ring to it.

"Speaking very personally, I've always felt that I was the odd man out in any BDSM situation or discussion because I didn't have any real interest in a sneering bitch who would whip me. This series is so well grounded in real people without the "here's how you're doing it wrong" flavor that those of us on the margins of the lifestyle could be convinced to look more carefully and with a broader mind.

"Again, speaking just for myself, I'm probably going to change my tactics in my search. I kind of stopped thinking of it as a search about a year ago, and I feel more satisfied now. Your series helped me understand why that might be. I'll let you know if and when I find the Domme of my dreams, and you can take full credit ... if she lets you!

"I can't thank you enough for this series. I know from the sub male's perspective how valuable this advice is. I appreciate all the work you put into it. If I'm ever in Oz, I promise a great big giant hug"

BACK TO ORIGINAL POST:

This series is written primarily with a male sub / female dominant slant, with the help of friends like MinofSin and many others to fill in other gaps. Like all posts in my BDSM For Beginners series, these posts will be constantly updated to include new information, so if you would like to share your own experiences and thoughts on this subject, please drop me a line.

(for those of you having a bit of a smirk that I'm taking five posts to cover "contacting dominants", you'll be interested to know a Chicago based group of Dommes recently held a series of seminars on "Find[ing] the Domme of your dreams" and broke up each week's seminar in a similar manner!)

Here are some of the issues we are going to look at:

In part 1 ("about you"):

• what you want (from BDSM)
  
• getting beyond dominant stereotypes and meaningless validation
• online safety
  
• what dominants want
• what you want (from a dominant)
  

In part 2 ("self presentation"):

• where to find dominants
  
• how to get them to notice you
• online names / avatars
• personal ads / online profiles
• the blogosphere
• adult social network sites
• virtual world social networking sites

In part 3 ("initiating contact"):

• who should contact who
• initiating real time contact with a dominant
• initiating online contact with a dominant
• the pros and cons of sending dominants photos
  
• writing submission requests to dominants - practicalities
  

In part 4 ("writing to dominants"):

• examples of what NOT to write - and why
  
• examples of what to write - and why it worked
• posts by dominants about the messages they receive
  
• an exercise for those wanting to try drafting a message

In part 5 ("waiting, rejection + success"):

• how to cope with the waiting (to hear back)
  
• reasons for rejection
• when to have a break from searching
  
• seeking a professional dominant
  
• how to reply when dominants write back
• how to respond when a dominant contacts YOU
• maintaining a D/s relationship
  
• online resources

Ready? Then let's start on this journey together...

References for Introduction:
(full online resource list published in part 5)

CarrieAnn - FemSubStartingPlace
Lady Jadis Word of Warning
Lady Myles It always amazes me...
may may - FetishLore and Stupid stupid gay tops are just as bad as other men and women
MinofSin - correspondence with Ms160
Mistress Matisse From the Inbox (letters)
sweet_bits Some simple recommendations on first contacts
tacit post on MDS' When Do you Give up?

Thank You's for the
Contacting Dominants series:

While all BDSM For Beginners posts are collaborative efforts,
this series was especially so. Sincere thanks as always to everyone
who contacted me with experiences and ideas,
as well as:
Mistress Milliscent , Lady Myles
Mistress Matisse, Elizabeth, Eileen,
Richard Evans Lee Mrs Claudia
devastating, joreth
Mistress Tich
kim[MJ]
and friends at:
FetishLore
(Quesera, switch, Ms Reciprocity, Tom Allen,
JustMiss, may may, roo-roo and quietlisten),
FSSP (here's your "more fame, oh yay" credit, CarrieAnn!)
CollarMe (MistressKay, Stef, AAkasha)
CollarNCuffs (Miss Bonnie and Miss Bitch)
and MyDungeonSpace
(sweet_bits, billc393, lei_da tacit, myraanken, pickin_grinnin ,
Vic, skyey, LadyUrsa, underwhere, Flaming_Redhead
and last but never least, lol: MinofSin)

Photo:
Sonnets - Unrealities XI
by ~elided on deviantART)

Seasons Greetings from Ms160 and sol

Wishing

our readers
a very happy
Xmas
and New Year

May all
your kinky
dreams and desires
come true
in 2008

Ms160 + solipsist

A day in the life of Ms160 and sol

Ms160 wakes up curled around sol in bed.

Sunlight streams into the bedroom. She is lying behind him, spooned against his body. She raises her head. The two cats are curled in front of him, the small brown burmese in his arms.

She looks at the clock. They have a little time, so she curls up close again, winding her left arm and hand until they are intertwined with sol and the cat, and listens to his quiet, steady breathing, the brown cat's heartbeat beating gently against her palm.

The alarm beeps and she turns it off quickly before he is disturbed. The two cats look up hopefully, the possibility of food ever present, and follow her out to the kitchen. She feeds them while boiling water for his coffee. Which she places on his bedside table. His nose twitches in sleep. She takes her pyjama bottoms off and climbs back into the bed behind him, fitting her body against his, from shoulder to toes, her groin pressed against his warm ass.

He is wearing a white flannel nightgown, the fabric is soft against her cheek. When she first had him wear female clothes she had put him in grandmother like floral synthetics (like the jacket he wears on the right) which she discovered were scratchy against her body in the morning. Now she prefers natural fabrics.

This is her favorite moment of the day. He lies still, vulnerable in sleep, the smell of coffee beginning to percolate within his brain cells.

She runs her hand over his chest, feeling the smaller lump of the left nipple, the larger lump of the right, under the flannel fabric. They both like the fact that he only has his right nipple pierced for her benefit (so that a piercing doesn't catch against her face when she curls up against his chest).

Her hand moves over his flat belly, to where the skirt of the nighty has been caught up, around his thighs. She runs her palm flat down his thigh, skin against skin, then encounters something warm and furry behind his bent knees. She lifts the bed covers with an elbow. How / when the hell did the gray cat get there?

Ms160's fingers slide over sol's waxed cock and balls. Then slide back the other way. Sol's sleeping cock within its leather and chrome cock cage begins to stir. He murmurs in his sleep. Her fingers stop. Then begin again. She loves the satin texture of his cock. One of her favorites places to read is with her head on his lap, its silkiness against her cheek. She wonders what it will be like soon, with the Prince Albert piercing.

He's become hard. She picks up her pace. She enjoys this game, her private morning ritual, her time alone with the body she so desires, and which so desires her. Sol has absolutely no idea how often she indulges in this game, although he has enough memory that he sometimes makes jokes about her using him in her sleep. But he really has no idea. She smiles.

His breathing quickens and he murmurs again. She has just got him to an interesting point when .... suddenly ... the little brown cat leaps onto his pillow and sneezes and he wakes with a start. She removes her hand. He removes the brown cat from his face. "Good morning", she smiles, "there's coffee".

They share their morning drink in bed, and sol reads quietly, the brown cat curled in the crook of his elbow. She checks her email on her laptop and brings him up to date with online gossip. At some point she sees how late it is, and sends him to turn the shower on, to heat the bathroom. He goes out to the kitchen to make another coffee, and brings it into the bathroom. He allows her to enter the shower first, to set it at her preferred temperature.

After they wash their hair, she hands him the bright pink exfoliation gloves and then the soap. While she faces away, combing conditioner through her hair, he runs his hands with the gloves over her back, then down each arm, over the back of her neck, down her shoulders to her spine. She loves the pleasure / pain of the rough gloves as his hands glide down over her buttocks to the back of her knees and calves. By now he is kneeling behind her in the shower. She turns around, allowing him a close view of her trimmed pubic area. His hands come back up the front of her legs, her hips and waist, then glide under her breasts, then over them, up to her shoulder blades and neck.

She knows other women who would find such intimacy difficult, who indeed would find the bright lights of the bathroom difficult, in front of a lover. But he has always made her feel desired and beautiful, and the confidence his devotion and admiration have inspired allows him to reap the reward of watching her walk naked around the house, and shower as they do, always together.

She positions him back under the shower, facing away, and picking up the soap, she lathers both her hands and his back. She then begins to massage his ass, pressing firmly on the bruises from his last caning, then moving her hands higher massages his back, her fingers, even her elbows, digging deeply into his muscles. She finishes with deep massage on the back of his neck, then moves her fingers up over his scalp, massaging rhythmically, her hands moving through his hair, then over his ears and forehead. His body relaxes against her hands.

She turns him, so that the hot water hits the areas she has been massaging, and now indicates she needs to pee. They haven't played this game for a while (she's had a stubborn urinary tract infection) but she knows how much it means to him.

Sometimes she allows him to place his hand under her pussy, down a few inches, where she can pee on it, staring into his eyes as he feels the hot urine on his hands. Today she presses close up against him, one leg bent and pees onto his cock and balls. She knows he desperately wants to kneel, desperately wants to place his mouth against her ... but she stops him. Hopefully he'll get the hint to finish the queening stool and the bath seat he has designed, she especially wants to try out these two items at the cabin for Xmas.

When she has finished she allows him to wipe her clean. Then she picks up the soap and moves her hands over his chest, her fingers lathering soap over his sensitive nipples until he closes his eyes in bliss. She then moves her hands down to his cock and balls, massaging them with soap. By now he is erect and she uses the soap to stroke increasingly hard, one hand on his cock, then other massaging his balls...

Sometimes she edges him, other times just at the point when it becomes too intense she takes her hands away. Today is one of those days. After a final rinse she indicates he may turn off the water. When they dry off, sol pays especial attention to the line of drops of water Ms160 always misses at the center of her back.

They return to the bedroom; he brings a selection of female underwear to her. She makes a selection for him. Sometimes its just a pair on panties. Sometimes a camisole and French knickers. Sometimes a garter belt and stockings. Sometimes a silk slip. Sometimes a bra. Sometimes with breast enhancers. While many of the garments have been bought for him (most recently some cute sleeping shorts covered with cherries, in October) some are her own. These she keeps for special days, as secret talismans for luck.

Today she chooses white stockings and her pink silk French knickers and cami. Sol looks so pretty as he dresses against the bedrooms white curtains.

While he dresses she makes his lunch in the kitchen. He has lost a lot of weight recently, and she is doing her best to feed him constantly. He didn't have much motivation until she pointed out she would soon be unable to cane him because there was not enough flesh on his ass. Now he happily goes along with the extra food...

As he leaves, she tells him to return at 1pm for a lunchtime session.

***

When he returns she greets him at the door wearing only a tight back t shirt, with her long hair caught in a gold clip, and has him leave his clothes in a neat pile and bend over the workbench, which she has set up on an angle and padded with a towel.

Once he is in position she kneels behind his spread legs and attaches the leather parachute, then hangs several diving weights, plus the circular, heavy fishing sinkers. While there she admires the view - all his delicate bits entirely at her disposal: the sweet spot underneath his ass cheeks, his anus, his cock of course, even the bottom of his balls under the parachute. So tempting....

Lunchtime sessions being short and sharp, Ms160 begins with their new CBT flogger. It strikes perfectly. She then moves to a heavier flogger, striking so that the flogger tails impact on the heavy leather of the parachute, sounding like rain drops fizzling on a hot sidewalk. Then she moves lower, so the tails wrap around the weights, jarring his balls. Sol groans.

She moves to her two rattan canes for a while, tapping them lightly over his cock before moving up to his ass cheeks. She finishes with her riding crop, and takes a photo of his flaming cheeks before allowing him up.

She smiles when she sees him wiggle uncomfortably in the driver's seat, when she kisses him goodbye. There's no time for her own pleasure at lunchtime sessions (other than the intensity of the act of corporal punishment, which almost makes her come) but she has plans for tonight.

***

They have agreed to meet for a date tonight, and head out for pizza and a movie. In the cinema they sit close, the armrest between them raised, holding hands. But in their normal manner they hold not just one hand but both, their warm, clasped hands creating a never ending circle within which they keep each other safe.

When they return home, Ms160 lights candles, turns down the covers of the bed, and removes the pillows and the cats. She helps sol take his clothes off, but tells him to keep the silk panties she chose this morning, on. She indicates he may remove all her clothing, then invites him onto the bed.

They kiss deeply. She loves his mouth. She has never forgotten the first time she saw him, and how sensuous she thought his mouth was, it was a mouth for fucking. She then spent literally a year teasing him before she took him to her bed.

She feels his hands on her body, familiar hands that stroke desire like fire wherever his fingertips touch her skin. She indicates he is lie face down, and sits atop his ass, her hands massaging the day's stress from his shoulders, moving down his spine. She leans forward to kiss the tattoo of her signature on his lower back and her long hair sweeps in an arc across his body. She moves her pussy down onto his ass cheeks and feels both the heat of his cheeks on her spread labia, and her own wetness.

She turns him over but stays on top, leaning down to kiss him, her hands playing with her nipples. When he reaches to touch her she orders him to keep his hands by his sides. She settles back, her wet pussy sliding along his hard cock. She moves her body up and down, their only point of contact being their genitals, slick and wet. She feels her clit harden. He groans. She know he wants her, wants to be in her, or wants to go down on her, but she feels the need for pleasure in another orifice first.

She swings over his body, and faces away, her pussy poised tantalizingly above his face ... she tells him not to move and lowers herself further, until his whole world is between her thighs. She smiles at how hard his cock has become, and taps it quite hard. And again. Definitely can't wait for that queening stool, she thinks.

Now she is so turned on, it is time to allow him to work his magic. But first, they both deserve a treat. She moves off his body but remains on hands ands knees, lowering her head, presenting her ass. He knows her too well for words, and within seconds he is behind her, his tongue between her cheeks. She adores this worship, the roughness of his tongue on her taut anus, loves how he spreads her cheeks further, loves how her body opens to receive him.

She thinks she might take this further, but the need to come is overwhelming, so she moves forward and rolls over, bringing him on top of her, heavy with the scent of her. They are so familiar with each other that their bodies rock together, his cock still outside her but slick with her wetness.

Finally Ms160 gives consent, and sol slides down her body, until his mouth begins to move on her clit and pussy. She has never come like this for anyone else, and is still amazed that every time he goes down on her she comes.

She remembers the post he wrote for their tenth wedding anniversary, about making Mistress come, and how other dominant women emailed her to ask whether she rented him out:

"The sight of Mistress' pussy never fails to turn me on, and I count it a privilege to be allowed to pleasure her with my tongue. I find [her] scent arousing and complex. How it changes from day to day and time to time, how it changes with Her arousal level, how sometimes it can be strong and overpowering, yet delicate and subtle at others. And yet it is unique to Her. Taste is a component too, intimately bound up with the scent, but also dependent on texture. From the thinner taste of Her juices when She is not aroused to the slippery, stronger tastes of full arousal and orgasm...

"For someone who is wired the way I am, being so totally immersed in giving pleasure to your lover/Mistress when your tongue is aching and tired, having Her pleasure linked to my discomfort satisfies some deep psychological need. This is also when the psychological after-effects of being caned come into play, the fading sting from my bottom reminds me that my place is to receive pain, while She receives pleasure"

The memory of this last sentence makes Ms160 come, her back arches, the pleasure is extraordinarily intense:

"She raised a hand, fingers moving slowly, motioning me down, away, and then gasped "gentle, gentle", and I knew that the orgasm had reached its peak and She was starting to come down from the crest. I rested the flat of my tongue very gently against Her clit, and kept it there unmoving as Her muscles relaxed and Her hips came back down to the bed.

"Then, as She gathered herself, I kissed the inside of Her thighs, reprising the way I started, staying away from the supersensitive parts that now cannot be touched. After a minute or two I joined Her on the bed, holding Her as She returned to earth"

Now, Ms160 pulls sol up, so that his face is above hers, their bodies again rocking together. She licks away her come from his face, laughs at how wet his beard is, delights in his satisfied smile (for there was a time where illness made coming difficult ... now this time seems only a bad dream).

She allows him to enter her a fraction at a time, again overwhelmed as she always is at how right they seem together. He once said that when he was inside her it was impossible to tell where one person's skin finished and the other began.

He is close to the edge, and asks permission to come. She denies it and stops moving. She loves watching his face at this time - totally within himself, desperately trying to control his orgasm. She allows him to come back to earth, he opens his eyes and she smiles into them ... and immediately speeds up the movements of her hips. He again edges, almost cries out with the intensity of it, again pleads to be allowed to come.

She denies him, eye to eye, a fiendish grin on her face ... but this time, before he masters himself she begins to move again and pushes him right over the edge, so that he comes and comes and comes ... and she smiles wickedly because of course she never gave permission.

They lie silent for a while, streaked with sweat and come, while their breathing steadies. Then they reassemble the bed, and the disgruntled cats curl themselves up again. She lies against his chest for a while, as they talk a little of their love making, and their love for each other. The brown cat claims sol's cock for her pillow.

Sol turns out the lights and Ms160 curls up behind him, her arms around him. The fluorescent stars on the bedroom ceiling glimmer in the dark. His breathing deepens. Her thoughts are of her plans for their play cabin at Xmas, as well as for his new Prince Albert piercing (he thinks he's getting another tattoo at his collaring) but in time her own breathing slows.

The prayer she breathes into every night is that tomorrow will be such another day.

(Photos: Ms160, sol)

Female Sub Xmas Writing Contest - Prize

"Do Not Open 'Til Xmas"

Copyright 2007 The Fetish Photographer

FenSubStartingPlace's Xmas Writing Contest poll has now closed. We now have a winner chosen by the group's membership.

The contest caused lively debate in the group. To make competing even more of a challenge a winner's prize was donated which really inspired contestants: a print of "Do Not Open Until Xmas", the beautiful evocative photograph at the top of this post.

Ms160 and the membership of FSSP sincerely thank Sir Thomas (fetishphotographer) for generously donating the print, and highly recommends readers of this blog visit his gallery on deviantART to see more exquisite images.

KINKY XMAS TUNES:

My sincere apologies to the authors - with the exception of the winner, all entries quoted below have been edited below for space. If you would like to read the full entry, please drop me a line...

The first entry submitted in the contest was Cyndi's "12 Days of Kinky Christmas", which began:

"On the 1st Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
a slave collar with an O-ring.
On the 2nd Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Two Knotty Boys, and a slave collar with an O-ring..."

and concluded, lol:

"On the 12th Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Twelve yards of hemp rope, Eleven Tender Touches,
Ten Doms to flog me, Nine shiny dildoes,
Eight thigh high stockings, Seven nice new corsets,
Six tasks for doing, Five OR-GA-SMS!!!!!,
Four leather cuffs, Three ball gags, Two Knotty Boys,
and a slave collar with an O-ring!"

Then elise reworked 'Twas the (BDSM) Night Before Christmas":

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the domain,
Not a subbie was stirring, (they were tied down with chain)
The shackles were hung by the chimney with care,
And the St. Andrews cross stood empty and bare.

The subbies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of floggers danced in their heads;
The Dom in his leather, and I in my slave cap,
Had just settled down after getting our whacks...

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my sleep-crusted eyes should unfurl,
But a miniature sleigh, pulled by eight pony girls,

With a Dominant driver, so forbidding and stern,
I knew in a moment I'd a great deal to learn.
More rapid than eagles his pony girls came,
And he whipped them, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, dashslave! now, danceslave! now, pranceslave and switch!
On, subbie! on slavegirl! on, slavepet and bitch!
To the top of the porch! to the training room wall!
And I'll redden your bottoms, should one of you fall!

As terrified tears before the cat-o-nine flow,
When they meet with an obstacle, gather courage and go,
So up to the house-top the pony girls flew,
With the sleigh full of sex toys, and the Dominant too....

He spoke not a word, but put me to straight to work,
He watched me in silence, idly tapping his quirt.
"Heel me," he commanded, the lone words he would say,
And he stalked out the door as I rushed to obey.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team cracked the whip,
Pulled me 'cross his knee, where i hung scared and limp.
And he whispered to me, "I shall teach you a lesson.
Happy Christmas, new slave; tonight we shall session."

Miss Bonnie was inspired to produce a Femdom version:

"T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the domain,
Not a subbie was stirring, they were tied down with chain.
The Floggers were hung by the St A's cross with care,
In hopes that the Miss Nick soon would be there.

The subbies were nestled all snug in their cage beds,
While visions of Cumming danced in their heads.
MissB in her `leather', and I in my slave cap,
Had just settled down for long sessions slap..."

Miss Bonnie also produced another entry:

Deck the walls with naked subbies
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
'Tis the season to be pleasin'
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don we now our Dom/me apparel
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
My favourite subbies name is carol
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

See the blazing butt before us.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Strike a butt and join the chorus.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Follow me while I give measure.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
I'll redden her tail just for my pleasure.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Fast away the old year passes.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Hail the new year, all fresh asses
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Play we are, now, all together.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
heedless of the flogger and weather.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Which drove group members mad because we couldn't get the tune or words out of our heads! ("Oh Ms Bonnie, I'm singing it in my head and it won't stop! "Hail the new year, all fresh asses" Hahahaha! Love it!" wrote Nikita).

KINKY XMAS STORIES:

The remaining entries were prose. Sugar entered a wonderful story about a sub and Santa, lol:

"Santa thought he'd stop in early this year" he said seductively, "have you been a good girl?" My body quivered at the sound of his voice, I had a feeling I was about to get my present early. My mind raced with anticipation and fear. I hadn't been expecting him. I had been a good girl, I did what I was told I followed his orders. What was he planning? What was he going to do to me?

"His hand reached over groping my breast, massaging my nipple between his finger tips. A moan escaped my lips, as my body involuntarily responded to his touch. It had been so long.. the sleepless nights tormented by his teasing as he used me like the pet I was, pleasuring himself with my horniness. My body ached to cum, yet my mind prevented it, overcome with the desire to please.

"With a shaky breathe I stuttered, "How may I serve you, please may I?" His eyes laughing, he reached down and flipped my skirt up, leaving me exposed. My nipples were sticking out of my shirt and my cunt was glistening. "And how will you do that?" he asked, his voice mocking me as his eyes scanned my body. I knew I would be punished for begging later, but I couldn't help it, the bulge in his pants such a turn on, all I wanted to do was hold it caress it suck on it, hearing him moan as he forced my head against his crotch, taking him deeper...

"Hands and Knees now!" He ordered. I scrambled to obey.... Leaning close my master whispered seductively "I am going to tease you until you are squirming and aching so bad to cum that you can't even think. I'm going to cum while you listen, aching to have me fill your hole. You'd like that wouldn't you my pet?" My body shuddered at the thought, twitching involuntarily again. I could feel his hands move along my body, fingertips awakening so many sensations as they grazed my skin. "I'm dreaming of a whiiiite Christmas" he whispered mockingly. And then he was gone"

Nikita's magical "Tubular Bells" received 35% of the votes:

"It was very cold and the air smelled like cinnamon and snow. In the warm, dark room, the fireplace blazed like a furnace. The melodic "Tubular Bells" played in the background. Hot cocoa with swirls of steam sat on the side table next to the wing chair.

"Draped across the back of the wing chair, was the form of a woman, naked, save for the black silk stockings that encased her long legs and an elf's cap, askew on her head.

"Though posed in a humiliating position, her green eyes watered with anticipation. Her feet were bound to the chair legs, hands cuffed behind her back, and breasts encased in elaborate roping. A red silk ribbon was tied around her neck in a bow and goose bumps textured her skin.

"She lifted her head at the sound of the familiar footsteps. The aroma of his cologne pierced her nostrils. Then, his shadow loomed on the wall in front of her. There was silence save for the sound of the ticking clock on the mantle. Time seemed to stand still.

"His steely eyes drank in the trembling bundle of softness. She shivered as his hot breath grazed her ear. All she could see through the curtain of red hair was the hem of his paisley robe. She was focused on visual and tactile sensations. Oh, how she ached for his touch.

"Master stood in front of her. Their eyes met; the hawk and the dove. ... His desire to hear her beg to be buggered well into the New Year did not show on his face.

"Good evening, pet." "Good evening, Master." "Let me check your bindings."

"He ran his scratchy hand along her wrists and then down to the immobilized legs where his fingers lingered at the edge of the stocking. As he bent closer, a pungent perfume emanated from her. Beneath her trembling thighs, clear juices were smeared on the leather chair.

"What's this?" He laughed and reached between her legs. The expression on her blushing face was a mixture of desire and embarrassment. Master thrust his cock in front of her face. She looked at its winking eye and chastely kissed it. When her hungry tongue stretched toward the glistening drip of pre-cum, he pulled away.

Reaching over her back, his hand connected sharply with her buttocks. The rhythmic pace continued until her reddened bum glowed. Beads of sweat collected on her forehead and the upper lip of her satisfied smile. "Must we go over this again, dear? Where is the love?" He teased.

"With renewed passion, she kissed it deeply, with devotion, and dedicated abandon, as if it were her long lost love. Her head moved up and down his cock in a feeding frenzy. His dick was being mouth fucked, slow, then hard. She stretched her lips along the shaft, letting it get close to her throat for a brief second, pushed herself further on it, then moved away, leaving a string of saliva dangling from her lips. Finally, he held her head like a vise and emptied himself into her mouth. She sputtered gulping his spunk. When he finished, she looked up, searching his face for a satisfied smile, oblivious to the mustache of cum on her lips...

The Master untied her himself and lovingly kissed her cum laced lips. While the fire continued to crackle, she basked in the afterglow curled up at her master`s feet; ensconced as his pet. "Thank you for the Christmas present, Master," she whispered. "Plan to be buggered into the New Year, my pet," he whispered back"

The last entry was elise's "Christmas Angel":

"Master?" Comfortable and warm, safely held against his side, petra ran her fingers through the crisp hairs on his chest. It was during such moments that she managed to forget her place. Not that she ever really actually forgot. She just -- relaxed.

"Mm?" His voice was lazy and content, with the purring quality of a recently sated lion. petra smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest. "Christmas is soon. Our first together."

"Above her head, the smile faded from Erick's lips. Christmas. Never one of his favorite times. He had no family of which to speak, had been in the occasional relationship over the years, but they never seemed to be at a point where he would spend the holidays with someone and their family. Until this year. Until petra.

"petra of the wide innocent eyes, petra who made him wish, maddeningly, to both destroy and protect her. Every time he looked into those eyes, every time he caused the soft, trusting light to fade from their clear cerulean depths, he held his breath. It was exhausting, really, to be constantly waiting for the day the trust didn't return, to always wonder if this was the last time he would chase the unquestioning adoration from her face.

"He felt her head tilt back on his chest. She sought a response. "Yes, petal. Christmas is soon." Noncommittal, but he knew it was enough. The slave in his arms was wholly unable to contain her thoughts. Silences tugged at her, made her fidget. It was the easiest method by which to torture her, one he employed with frequent delight.

"Well, we've never really discussed holidays. What do you do for Christmas, please?" "Nothing, petal." She wrinkled her nose. "Nothing at all?" He didn't respond, and petra chewed on her lip, waiting for him to chastise her for questioning his answer. When he didn't, she began absently plucking at his chest hair again. Christmas was a big event in her family, a time everyone tried to travel to be together. She'd been loathe to bring it up after going home for Thanksgiving. Erick hadn't responded poorly to her going, but his very silence on the subject, his utter lack of reaction had resonated with her.

"petra." "Yes, Master?" "Do you want to go home?" She did. She truly did. But, even more strongly, she wanted to spend the holiday here where she now belonged. She wanted to make it magical for him. "i am home, Master." Nothing changed in his expression, but she remained undaunted. "i'd like to spend Christmas with you, to celebrate the way you do, please."

"At that, he quirked a humorless smile. The previous Christmas had found him in bed with a woman he no longer remembered. Oh, he remembered how he'd spent the time with her. Christmas, last year, had meant debauchery and depravity, basic satisfaction of primal needs, accented with the heady combination of fine cognac, relatively good cigars, and a woman willing to indulge him without the unwanted promise of future assignations. He and petra had been tentative friends during that time, and when she'd asked him how he spent the holidays he'd brushed off her questions, telling himself she had no need to know anything about his private affairs. But, if he were completely honest with himself, it had nothing to do with reticence.

"He didn't want her to know, didn't want her awakening feelings for him derailed by the knowledge of what he was. Now, a year later, here she was, settling into his life in a way he'd never expected, lying in his arms making Christmas plans. And, right then, a wayward, wicked idea hit him. "Hmm," he mused. "Perhaps, instead of celebrating in the ways to which we have both been accustomed, we could make some new traditions. Tonight." He pulled her on top of him, settled her astride his hips so that she could feel his renewed arousal. "Tonight we'll decorate."

"With a whispered moan, she shifted a little and felt him slip inside her. His hands on her hips, Christmas utterly forgotten, she began moving in the ways she'd learned best pleased him.

***

"petra screamed again, her body stiffening and pulling against the restraints. Erick watched in satisfaction as yet another diagonal stripe appeared, red and angry on the pale skin of her lower back, this one flecked with tiny dots of blood where the crop had broken the skin. Though he tended to prefer a whip, he'd chosen the crop for it's precision. "Ah, pet. you do make a lovely candy cane."

"When he'd proposed decorating, Petra had been overjoyed, her mind skipping to garland festooned bannisters and candles in the windows. He'd agreed with her every suggestion, had even accompanied her on a shopping expedition to obtain the necessary items. He'd denied her nothing.

"She should have known better. Erick walked into her line of vision and set the crop on the arm of his club chair. The fire crackled behind him, and he chuckled. "You were right, slut. A wood fire lends a lovely sense of atmosphere. Very seasonal." He reached out, tucked a finger under her chin and brought her eyes to his.

"The makeup she'd so carefully applied, envisioning photographs fit for Christmas cards by the end of the evening, was hopelessly smudged. Dark mascara-tinted tears carved paths down her cheeks, and she'd chewed the lipstick entirely off her lower lip between screams and gasps and pleas for mercy. Wax from the pretty red and green candles she'd intended for the windows had cooled and cracked on her breasts, dripped in rivulets down her stomach to tangle in the neatly shaped triangle of hair at the top of her spread legs. Garland trimmed the soft red rope that held her wrists together, circled around the hook that stretched them high above her head, wound festively up the chain to the eye bolt in the ceiling, from which hung her final, last minute purchase.

A sprig of mistletoe.

He kissed her. "Merry Christmas, angel."

Elise's story received 50% of the members' votes. I am therefore delighted to announce that elise wins the Xmas Writing Contest.

When accepting her prize elise wrote:

"Thank you so much! i'm truly humbled that, given the company i am
in, you thought enough of my writing to vote for it.

"A big thank you, also, to Sir Thomas, who so generously donated the
lovely photograph "Do Not Open 'Til Xmas" as the prize. What a
beautiful image! It makes me smile to look at it...as submissives,
have we not all been in that place, kneeling in reverence before
someone to whom we have pledged our respect, devotion and adoration?

"And another thank you to Ms160 -- as i have children about, she will
be taking possession of the prize for me until i can retrieve it and
diplay it as it should be. It broke my heart to think of it wrapped
up in a closet, away from prying eyes. i am happy it can be enjoyed
by someone until then.

"i hope this finds everyone well, and that, however you celebrate the
holiday season, it brings peace and love.

"elise"

Again thank you to Sir Thomas, and to all FSSP members who entered and voted. We had so much fun with this contest. What are we going to do next? A New Years Resolution contest? A Valentine's Day one?!

Photo:
"Do Not Open 'Til Xmas"
Copyright 2007 The Fetish Photographer

Click to join FemSubStartingPlace
(female subs only)

Ms160 sells some corporal punishment toys

Unexpected expenses mean we need to sell a few things as quickly as possible. If anyone would be interested in any of the following corporal punishment items, please drop me a line below or via email to discuss prices / shipping costs. They will be familiar to regular readers from various posts. Everything is second hand but most have only been lightly used, are clean and in excellent condition. They'd make fantastic Xmas presents.

Items in yellow still available:

1. Cat of nine tails (third item, from left, in top photo): wooden handle, the ridges in the wood make a great grip; lovely heavy leather tails, round like licorice!
2. Scarlet riding crop (Sax); (4th item from left) leather end piece, looks bent in the photo but that's just the way its hanging. This is a very nice crop, nicely balanced, I strike with both the leather tip and the main length, which is nasty indeed
   
3. Leather quirt (5th from left), for serious players, we bought this second hand from another dominant, it's really evil
4. White Rawhide cane (6th from left); purchased from Mister S in San Francisco, this is a much envied beasty by other dominants; absolutely vicious sting when applied even gently
5. Long scarlet suede flogger (Sax) (4th item from right): lovely warm up tool, or for really sensuous floggings, photo makes it look short but its a full length one
   
6. Leather strap (Sax) (3rd item from right): smooth leather on one side, black sheepskin on the other, great warm up tool, not too heavy on the wrist, but you can really hit hard with it when you want; makes a lovely sound when it hits bare flesh, and the sub makes a lovely sound when you slide the sheepskin side over bright red flesh
   

1. Small leather flogger (Wicked Whips) (highest toy on sol's ass): only bought a couple of months ago and used once (for this scene); perfect for genital flogging
   
2. Medium length leather flogger (Wicked Whips) (2nd from top): we've had this for a while, there is a little fraying at the end of the tails (only needs a quick slice with a knife, which I'll do before sending it away); nice and stingy, brings up a good color. Good size for traveling
   
3. Cat (see no.1 in other photo)
4. Heavy medium to large leather flogger (Wicked Whips) (bottom flogger in pic): over fifty wide, heavy very soft black leather tails, and with stiffened white leather wrapped around - and glued to - each point (the end of each tail). This produced an interesting mix of thud and sting
   

These floggers all featured in a recent post , where you can also see more pix of the items being used.

POSTSCRIPT: Thanks so much for the great response. We are also selling some other items (leather wrist / ankle cuffs set, black leather 5 inch heel thigh high boots (US size 40), the gold with black and scarlet feathers Venetian mask you can see below ... another pic at right, also some fetish books and some really rare BDSM videos) so again please drop me a line if you'd like further details.

(Photos: Ms160)

Best Contest Entry 2007

Observant members of my Forced Fem group at MyDungeonSpace will have noted that each contest announcement mentioned that a prize would be presented at the end of the year for the judges' favorite contest entries for 2007.

As you can see from Miss Bonnie's wonderful photo montage of the pix under consideration, the judges (bottom left!) are already hard at work presenting the prize to the victim, sorry I mean winner. Alas, the tyranny of distance makes such a prize impossible. Instead, the judges have selected some wonderful lingerie to be sent to the winner/s.

But who should win?

The judges have selected their favorites and winners, all of which are illustrated above. We'd love the feedback of everyone in the group, re this final prize for 2007. Drop us a line either in the comments section of this post or on the contest thread over the next few days to let us know your favorite pix from the ones shown and listed, and we'll make sure your imput goes into our final decision.

The final photos chosen by the judges are:

• Quall (now Akiri) - Winner, BabyDoll Contest (centre row, above Ms160 banner) (the photo that actually won the award can be seen here)
  

• Veritas - Best Ass, Babydoll Contest (centre top row) (profile deleted from MDS, so you can only view the image above)
  

• Aradia's Whore - Most Elegant Sub, Babydoll Contest (right bottom row)

• Ms Alice's denied - Highly Commended, Couples - Babydoll Contest (right top row)
  

• Mont202 - Winner, Princess Contest (as Xena) (centre bottom row)

• Chance - Princess Contest - Most Exotic Princess Award (centre row below Ms160 banner)

• Solipsist - Princess Contest - Virgin Princess Award (right row centre)

• Poppet - Winner, Serving Mistress Contest (left bottom row)

• Saucy - Serving Mistress Contest - Attention to Detail Award (left row centre)

• Smoothbikini - Serving Mistress - Most Innovative "Entry" (top row left)

You can read more about the awards in the various contest threads, and check out the photos in the group's Gallery (you will need to be a member of MDS for the links to the pix above, to work. It's free to join - click here). Contestants being considered for the 2007 prize may also post re their personal favorites.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Many thanks:
to Miss Bonnie
for the photo montage!

Lukas Zpira's body modification workshop, Uber

On Saturday afternoon I returned to Uber for Lukas Zpira's body modification workshop.

MsGawjusRedhead and I arrived at the same time, and found ourselves a space in the packed room. We both have a fiendish interest in the subjects about the be discussed.

The workshop was a very practical one, with two areas of focus: cutting and strike branding, followed (at the request of the audience) by some general background on implants. I'm not going to provide all those practical details here, because Lukas makes a living via these workshops. However I will say that the workshop was extremely informative, and I'd definitely recommend anyone interested try and attend one. You can keep up to date with Satomi and Lukas' travel schedule on his website.

The couple made a great team, Lukas providing the basics, Satomi adding the occasional point ("she is the better teacher!") or acting as translator. Lukas makes jokes about his English not being good enough, but actually it's fine.

We explored the qualities of the skin, practical selection of tools, aftercare etc. I was really intrigued by some of Lukas' interesting practical facts - such as vegans / vegetarians bleeding more due to the lower iron content of their blood. It's so obvious, but the kind of thing one could so easily not take into consideration. This kind of information made the workshop worth it's weight in gold.

Lukas covered aftercare in some depth. It's extremely important, and of course differs depending on the kind of effect you are after. A play cutting will only last a day or so (as with sol's, when MsGawjusRedhead and I used her knife on his back during his suspension) however the aftercare becomes more complex if you are planning more permanent marks (as I was, as part of sol's collaring ceremony).

Lukas' demonstration model was a staff member from Polymorph, who wanted a chin cutting. Those of us who wished to observe closely were given masks, and Lukas (after warning us chins bleed more, and that we'd not really see the design until he'd finished and wiped away the blood) began. At the end he held the cuts apart so that we could see the correct depth to cut.

The second part of the workshop focused on strike branding. I've not had the same interest in this technique as cutting - I love the fine control you can achieve with a blade - but Lukas makes any body modification technique sound fascinating, and as always I was interested to learn.

A better voice than mine to hear at this point is Darkling, Lukas' demo sub, who posted about her experience on her blog, and who kindly allowed me permission to quote her at length:

"I met Satomi (oh my, she's so lovely!) and chatted to her about placement and design, and then Lukas joined us and she relayed the conversation we'd had to him. He asked if I would be happy for him to create the design, and as I didn't have any strong ideas on what I wanted, and because I was a bit fan-girl tongue-tied I agreed.

"Satomi took me off to the bathroom and prepped my upper arm, and then Lukas drew the design on and I took my seat again as everyone else was called back to attention.

"Lukas then spent about half an hour discussing the ways and means of strike branding, which was really interesting. He uses the barbell from a piercing to do round spots, because burns spread outwards and because the barbell is round it is hottest in the middle of the brand and won't spread quite as much, leaving a smaller and more defined scar when it is ultimately healed. For straight lines he had a small piece of flat steel, about an inch long and about 1mm thick.

"Both pieces he holds in vice grip pliers and uses a blow torch to heat them up till they are glowing red. He explained the importance of whatever you are using being that hot, as it then cauterises as it burns and causes less pain and better scarring.

"He talked through aftercare, and said that with brandings it's not such a good idea to pick the initial scabs off and aggravate them, as they are very vulnerable to infection. It's best to allow the scabs to form and apply appropriate dressings (in Australia it's Jelonet, which is a gauze that is impregnated with an antibiotic gel) and then as the scabs begin to lift and there is new skin underneath you can increase the visibility of the scarring by removing the scabs and rubbing over them with half a lemon dipped in sugar and also exposing it to sunlight.

"And then it was time for the demonstration. Everyone in the room was issued with a mask, to guard a little against the smell and for those very close, the smoke - which Satomi explained, the smoke from burnt human flesh is actually carcinogenic!

"I have to say, I'm a bit in love with being branded. It is so sensual in the truest possible way - there is not just the pain, which is briefly intense but not nearly as much as i thought it would be, there is also the sound - the crackle and sizzle of, well, burning meat, the smell - which is not pleasant, but also not entirely unpleasant, it was strange to smell my flesh burning, and the sight - immediately after each strike the skin around the burn would appear like black edging while the bits in the middle are essentially uncoloured... it's hard to describe.


"What was interesting to me was the pain, yes, it hurt like hell, and I giggled a LOT (which the entire workshop of people seemed to find very entertaining - i had as many people asking me about that afterwards as asking about the experience of being branded), but the pain was limited only to while he was actually striking the skin, as soon as he took the hot bit of metal away from my flesh it stopped hurting.

"And afterwards when everyone was asking if it was hurting, honestly it only felt like a mild sunburn on that part of my arm, no worse than a tattoo feels. Tonight it is a little sore, but still only like a moderate sunburn on that part of my arm.

"I am a little bit in love with Lukas, and Satomi as well - she is so lovely. I want them to adopt me and keep me as their pet, toy, whatever!!

"One of the workshop attendees asked beforehand if I would mind if she took photos during the branding, which I agreed to - mind you there were a LOT of people taking photos regardless - and she got my email address to send me copies, so I'm looking forward to that"

That attendee was of course the "ever pedantic about getting permissions" Ms160. And I'd like to thank Darkling for allowing me to reproduce them here.


REFERENCES + ONLINE RESOURCES:

• read the rest of Darkling's terrific post
• Lukas Zpira website
• BME Encyclopedia on Lukas Zpira
  
• Lukas Zpira photography
• info on "body hacktivism manifesto" here
• Satomi - Tokyo Love Doll website
• Ms160's post about Satomi's performance at Uber
• Uber 's website
  
• interested in buying Lukas Zpira's Onanisme Manu Militari II? You can order it via Sax in Sydney, or online here
• info on Lukas Zpira's vampyre doco and book
• You Tube: Lukas Zpira - cutting
• You Tube: Lukas Zpira - hand implantation
• You Tube: Lukas Zpira - flesh suspension
• You Tube: Lukas Zpira - tongue split
  

Many thanks:
Satomi and Lukas Zpira
Uber
Darkling

Photos:
Ms160
reproduced with Satomi and
Darkling's permission

Lukas Zpira's exhibition opening, Uber

Last Friday I attended the opening of Lukas Zpira's "Crazy BodMods Tour" exhibition at Uber in Sydney. The lower dungeon area of Uber had been transformed into an exhibition space, its dark walls providing a perfect backdrop for Zpira's extraordinary images.

Considering the stressful week everyone had had (how on earth does Australia Post always managed to lose art work for a few days in transit? They've made a fine art of it) the Uber team had done a terrific job. The unframed photos were placed directly on the wall, not an easy installation task on one of the most humid days in Sydney. When marian mentioned they'd tried to use double sided tape - only to find half the works on the floor the next day - I winced. Thank God they shifted to BluTac.

I asked Satomi if she was pleased with the installation. She was. Although most grateful for how quickly Australian venues had been organized - an unexpected bonus at the end of a long European and Asian tour - it had been hard in Melbourne, she confided, to not have room to hang the whole show. As a curator she knew I understood how difficult it is for artists in such circumstances to have to make choices as to what goes up on the walls and what doesn't. Especially when a lot of thought has gone into the structure and thematic content of a traveling exhibition.

I curled up in a corner to people watch for a while. I always enjoy looking at people looking at art. I was also aware that while I enjoy Lukas Zpira's artwork very much, many kinksters find his work too extreme.

I picked up a copy of Lukas' monograph Onanisme Manu Militari II (Hors Editions 2005). I'll review the publication further in the article I'm writing for Kink-E Magazine / later blog post on Lukas, but for now it's enough to say that it's not a book for the feint hearted or for those who plan only a brief glance. Absolute concentration is needed, to decipher it's juxtaposition of differing languages and philosophical voices, sited within complex manipulated imagery.

And highly confronting imagery at that. The photographs are both his own, and others. I believe the body modifications they display are Lukas' alone. And they depict a ferocious skill and talent.

The book (cover at right) certainly is NOT a "how to" manual of piercing or cutting. What it actually is, is harder to define: it's enough to say it documents the highly personal journey of a unique human being. If you enjoy unique human beings, or are seriously into body modification then your library must contain this book (purchasing details in the References + Online Resources section below).

I watched several people pick the book up and asked them what they thought. Many found it "over designed", which amused me. They were quite right. But then the complexity of the book's design - with every surface decorated, even to the point of detracting from the text and primary imagery - to me, perfectly represented an artist who's focus and interest lie in intense and complex decoration of the body's surface. I look forward to seeing Lukas' latest publication "Hidden shadows" (on one of the most important vampyres clan based in New York) as well as the documentary on the same theme.

Lukas - who'd been watching me watching people - handed me his business card: "body hacking, mutations & subculture documentation". I'll save further discussion of his history and art for my later article / blog post, but it's worth recalling here that Lukas is credited with mainstreaming the terms "body hacking" and "body hacktivism". This terminology, he writes:

"was born from the necessity to define a movement of artists, researchers and thinkers working around mutations using body modifications as a medium, which, as opposed to modern primitives who use tribal anthropology as their bases,practice, theorize and/or invent prospective avant guarde body modifications, influenced by manga culture, comics, science fiction films and literature and made possible by a constant curiosity of the evolution of tekno-medical discoveries.

"These practices, experimental by essence, are defined as « Body Hacking », expressing the will of these artists, researchers and/or thinkers to surpass the bio-logical frontiers. The terms « body hacktivist » and « body hacktivism » also signifies the necessity of action, to take our destiny into our own hands by the perpetual will to reinvent ourselves"

Lukas Zpira and Satomi began touring the "Crazy BodMods Tour" exhibition (poster at left) several years ago.

They accompany the display with workshops in their areas of specialization: Japanese bondage (Satomi) and body modifications (Lukas). (I enjoyed an exchange between the couple during Lukas' body modification workshop the following day, when Satomi - who, to her husband's amusement, had just had trouble turning off an unfamiliar blowtorch - reminded him she was the expert with "rope, not fire"!)

At present the traveling exhibition includes about sixty works, for sale (you receive a fresh signed and numbered print). The works are all untitled, although Satomi is happy to provide info about where and when they were taken (in London, Japan and Mexico). Some are film, others digital. Satomi is quick to state Lukas does not use Photoshop, but confusion is understandable because the vibrant colors and complex imagery of the images immediately suggest this possibility.

While many photos feature Satomi, the exhibition also includes examples of other recent themes that Lukas has explored: Japanese street people, Goths, vampyre communities, etc. Satomi herself appears in many different guises, whether as a French maid with an entire warehouse to clean, channeling unsettling fairy tales (concealed in a red satin cape, accompanied by a wolf), or bound and gagged on a medical chair....

A series I would love to have adorning my own walls is surely inspired by Charlotte Rampling in The Night Porter. The poster for this provocative, sadomasochistic 1974 film directed by Liliana Cavani - depicting Rampling in Nazi cap, men's trousers and suspenders, and black satin gloves - did disturbing and permanently perverse things to my youthful mind. Lukas and Satomi recreate this icon, presenting Satomi in similar clothing and pose, yet claiming the image their own via the addition of a slash of scarlet lipstick and glimpses of Satomi's tattoos, as her form emerges from the darkness.

I've always enjoyed the complexity of Lukas Zpira's art works ... time after time I have approached a photo, believing I am focused on it's primary imagery, only to find my eye drawn further by tiny, often confronting details. For an example of what I mean, look more closely at the poster above of Satomi admiring an ice cream sundae while reclining in a golden kimono. Suddenly cockroaches appear in unsettling places....

In another example, Satomi crouches in a Tokyo street, naked but for her long black hair, tattoos and black patent lather and velvet ribbon shoes. She makes eye contact with the camera, both hands at her crotch. Closer study reveals she is peeing.

Hellfire's Ultra and I both admired this photo, and (sharing an interest in this topic as we do, lol) enjoyed comparing it to one of our favorite works "Sub's eye view" (or "Green Piss") by Noel Graydon, which you can view here. When I later queried Satomi about her expression in this photo, she smiled: "I was so nervous ... there were so many people walking there (pointing to the back of the street)!"

As Satomi and I walked around the exhibition I wondered aloud about which images might be her favorites... and then apologized - it's an impossible question to ask either an artist or his muse, lol. But after we'd finished laughing she generously took the question seriously and led me to several favorites, including an image from a series taken in a Tokyo love hotel's Miss Kitty room, where Satomi sits on a pink piano, her ballet slippers filling the fore space. You can see another photo from this series on Satomi's myspace page.

Satomi was a professional dancer for many years and I asked if she still danced. "Only as part of my performances" she said, and told me of her knee injury. I commiserated ... my left knee was strapped into the tightest of thermoskins even as we spoke.

Just before heading home, David (from Uber) and I spoke about the possibility of future exhibitions at Uber. There are so few venues willing to display kinky / fetish art in Oz. It's now clear that Uber would provide a good space, but obviously its primary function is as a dungeon. David and I also discussed ways to redress the current lack of a benchmark in terms of the quality of local fetish art. One idea being that group exhibitions could also function via their curatorial selection process as a means of establishing artistic integrity. Installation art also has potential in Uber's environment.

I headed home to begin writing a more formal review of the exhibition for Kink-E Magazine. Then on Saturday afternoon I returned to Uber for Lukas' body modification workshop. Post to follow soon....

REFERENCES + ONLINE RESOURCES:

• Lukas Zpira website
  
• info on "body hacktivism manifesto" here
• Satomi - Tokyo Love Doll website
• Ms160's post about Satomi's performance at Uber
• Uber 's website
  
• interested in buying Lukas Zpira's Onanisme Manu Militari II? You can order it via Sax in Sydney, or online here
• info on Lukas Zpira's vampyre doco and book
  

Many thanks:
to Satomi for permission to reproduce
my installations photos of Lukas Zpira works;
to everyone at Uber

Photos:
Uber installations = Ms160
Lukas Zpira - book cover: courtesy Hors Editions
Lukas Zpira - exhibition poster
from Uber 's exhibition opening invite