A D/s life: part 1: Becoming dominant

sesion venecia 01
by *malenkax on
deviant ART

Suze from AlexSuze.com invited me to write something as part of her "Journey" series, where she explores different and unusual aspects of sexuality: "I would like to know what turns you on about being a Domme ... I'm looking upon this as an educational project that will hopefully introduce people who would not normally venture down this path to something new ... How did you get into BDSM? I assume that BDSM is as natural to you as vanilla is to most other people and that's what I want you to express in your own words".

Oooh shit, thinks me, I should have written back straight and said "it was never so easy, I am not what you think" but perhaps that really doesn’t matter. So yesterday I sent Suze a draft and she responded (hope she won't mind my sharing this): "These accounts are more than I could have hoped for and everything I wanted to share with the readers. You have pitched [your writing] so well and with sensitivity, I'm sure we can break down a few barriers when our readers share these posts. All I can say is I am truly grateful to you for sharing your life with us and giving us a unique insight in to your lifestyle and what makes you tick".

Oooh shit, thinks me again, "I thought I'd managed to only talk about sol and so dump HIM in it, not me. Drat and blast. And because Suze says they are educational I'd better put it up on my blog as well, damn.... mutter mutter...".

So here is part 1, in which I deal with Suze’s second question ("how did you get into BDSM?") leaving her first (what turns you on about being a Domme ) until part 2:

A D/s life: part 1: Becoming dominant

In the "real world" solipsist is a senior IT contractor and I am a professional curator / anthropologist, with between us several academic degrees. But in our secret world - what for us is the "real world" - he is my submissive; happiest kneeling naked at my feet. I am the dominant part of our D/s relationship. That relationship is central to our world. In this alternate reality I have an online presence as an experienced Mistress who (amongst other things) runs several kinky forums and groups, holds online erotic humiliation cam contests and has an artistic touch with CBT. I am as proud of a good review of my BDSM blog as I am of a critical review of my academic publications....

So, how did this come about? Have I always been into BDSM? That’s easy to answer for solipsist, who was born a masochist and has dreamed of submission since the age of 5. Society however exacted a high price for his difference; by the time I met him aged 18 he thought he was doomed to be a lonely pervert for the rest of his life. I introduced him to my collection of Variations magazines and watched him blossom as he began to realize other people shared his interests and that if he re-aligned his fantasies towards real life situations, he might even have an opportunity to fulfil them. But due to miscommunication and a lack of confidence on my side, I assumed he did not want me to be a part of this. I believed he desired the typical latex clad dominatrix whip wielding fantasy, an image I found too extreme and disconcerting…

To be brutally honest it took sol and I a damn sight longer than it should to work through these misconceptions. It took years. Other things got in the way. Like life: we both had successful careers, we travelled a great deal. But BDSM was always with us in some form, whether via the publications we acquired and read, the rare Madame journals sol collected, the experiments we tried with subspace (right from the start, any order simply to stay still while I touched him would send him under), my control of his orgasms for the last ten years, and of course his continuing D/s fantasies. But as he grew older it become clear that both his masochist and D/s desires needed to be met. I greatly feared this, assuming not only that this would bring another person (presumably a professional Domme) into our marriage but that I would be left behind, unable to share his BDSM explorations. On the other hand it broke my heart to see a vital part of him denied expression. Finally, seeing him so unhappy, I agreed he could go ahead, although at the time I was not sure our marriage would survive. You can imagine my amazement and relief when he finally clarified what he desired: BDSM and a D/s relationship, yes, but not with a stranger. With ME...

Thus, after over a decade of kinky "foreplay" we finally embarked on our journey into D/s, a relationship once described by Ms Alice on her blog Narrations of My D/S Lifestyle as "a very serious and absolute ideology ... not a game [or a] a joke [nor] transient [but] a deep belief and a major commitment ... a vow ... even more binding than marriage"...

(continued in Part 2: Becoming Mistress160
which follows directly underneath)

Reference:
Ms Alice, "Dominants and.. (dominants)..." 7 March 2007 Narrations of My D/S Lifestyle

A D/s life: Becoming was first published on AlexSuze.com
in March 2007 as part of "The Journey" series

(top photo: deviant ART)
With especial thanks to malenkax !!